


Be A Man

by cowgirl65



Series: Be A Man [1]
Category: The Big Valley
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, spoilers for Days of Wrath, spoilers for Night of the Wolf, spoilers for Palms of Glory, spoilers for Rimfire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-23 20:45:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 45,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/254803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirl65/pseuds/cowgirl65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarrod finds out what it really means to be a man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any television show and make nothing from writing this other than cheap thrills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene does not exist in this story.

Sitting in the back of the wagon, Jarrod maintained a firm hold on his feelings. He wasn’t weak, no matter what his father said, and he wasn’t going to give into the homesickness that already plagued him a mere twenty miles from home. The wagon’s contents shifted and the sixteen year old was sandwiched even further between the crates and barrels. He’d always travelled by river before; his father was proud of their hard-earned wealth and made sure everyone knew it, so the family always had a first class cabin on one of the riverboats whenever they made the trip from Stockton to San Francisco.

But the only money Jarrod had was the half eagle he’d saved from his last birthday so he needed to be frugal. He supposed he owed Tom some sort of respect as his son, but Jarrod didn’t want to be beholden to him in any way. He rubbed his still sore cheek. His father had hit him pretty hard after that last argument. Tom informed Jarrod that since he had finally finished school, his oldest son was going to start working solely on the ranch. He said in no uncertain terms was his son going to become some town dandy and he further said the ranch hands had all been instructed that they were to ‘make a man’ out of him. When Jarrod refused, Tom almost knocked him down with a heavy blow. Jarrod chose not to waste any more breath arguing that a lot of respected men were lawyers, not ranchers, author of the Declaration of Independence Thomas Jefferson being only one. He just packed his bag, waited until the wee hours of the morning and rode into Stockton. He’d left the horse at the livery, not wanting to give his father any reason to have the law track him down as a horse thief. He didn’t really think his father would do that, but wouldn’t put it past him to use the horse as an excuse if he wanted to bring back his wayward son.

He found a man cursing over a half-loaded wagon of freight and quickly took advantage of the fact that the man’s partner was too hung over to get the job done to make it to San Francisco by the deadline for the ship the cargo was destined for. Jarrod received a dollar for helping load the wagon, a ride to the city and was promised another dollar if he helped unload at the docks when they arrived.

Jarrod’s heart ached when he thought of what he was leaving behind, even though he couldn’t see he had any other choice. His mother would be heartbroken, he knew, even with the letter he’d left for her. He thought of how he might never race his brother Nick over the fields again and hoped their father would let his younger brother take the place at his side Jarrod knew Nick was born for. He then thought of his baby sister, only three, and wondered if Audra would even remember the big brother who played horsie with her and read her stories from his books to settle her at bedtime. Jarrod didn’t assume he’d ever come back, but he knew the wide open spaces of the San Joaquin Valley would always be home.

The wagon hit a large rut and Jarrod winced as one of the crates hit his foot. The owner’s partner was sleeping off his binge in the front seat which relegated Jarrod to cargo. It wasn’t really fair since he’d done most of the work, but he wasn’t in any position to complain. And the drunken man would likely have already been crushed, Jarrod told himself and squirmed into what he hoped was a more stable position.

It took them three days to get to San Francisco and Jarrod volunteered to take care of the horses when they stopped each night. The young man didn’t shirk at anything he was asked to do and ended up with a place on the wagon seat for part of the day in return for his hard work. When they arrived in the city, the wagon made its slow way down to the busy docks and Jarrod helped unload the freight into the warehouse where it would wait for the ship that was to take it up the coast.

“You’re a hard worker, son,” the wagon’s owner said as he gave Jarrod his promised wage and a bit more. “I added a little for all the help you were on the trail and I’ve put in a good word for you with Cal Parker who owns this warehouse. He’s always looking for strong backs if you want a job.”

Jarrod stood a little straighter at the praise. “Thank you, sir,” he said. He hadn’t been sure how he would support himself in the city. As a rule, reading law didn’t pay and he did have to eat. “Could you direct me to him, sir?”

“Over there.” A burly man with handlebar moustaches was talking to another man. The owner of the wagon extended a hand and Jarrod shook it. “Good luck, son.”

Jarrod picked up his bag, took a deep breath and walked over.

“Mr. Parker?” he asked politely when the conversation was finished. “I understand you have a job available.”

The man looked him over. “Well,” he said as he stroked his moustache, “I was hoping to find someone a little bigger, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.” Jarrod made himself stand firm at the slight insult. He knew it wasn’t personal but the comment did hit a bit too close to home. Parker jerked his head. “Put your stuff in the office over there. There’s another two wagons to unload. Carl here’ll show you where they are.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Jarrod said as he rushed to stow his bag in the office and immediately got to work. He was tired and hot by the time all the freight was unloaded but earned himself a hearty clap on the back, as well as another two bits.

“I’m impressed,” Parker said. “Now I’m looking for someone for the early shift to load the ships heading up the coast. Starts about five, the ships sail at ten. I can offer you $5 a week, Sundays off.” He waited for Jarrod’s reply.

Jarrod didn’t have to think long. It wasn’t as much as the labourers on the ranch earned but he figured he could get by, even with the higher prices in the city. Besides, the hours would hopefully give him time to read law, assuming he could find someone who would give him the chance. “You won’t regret this, sir,” he told Parker as he shook his hand.

Jarrod’s new employer recommended an inexpensive rooming house a few blocks away. As he pulled up the well-worn but clean blanket, the young man desperately fought off his homesickness. The shouts and catcalls of sailors from the wharfs were a far cry from the soothing lowing of cattle that he would hear from his window at home. But Jarrod knew the stifling air of the city was more bearable than the stifling atmosphere back in Stockton. He’d seen it before, men turned bitter and old before their time after being thrust into a life not of their choosing and he was determined it wouldn’t happen to him.

Jarrod sighed as he tried to get comfortable on the lumpy mattress. It hadn’t always been that way, he remembered. At one point, he would have been thrilled to work the ranch at his father’s side. But the accident a couple years ago had changed all that as he became an object of Tom Barkley’s scorn and shame instead of his pride and joy.

Jarrod resolutely held back a tear and pushed back the slight anxiety that came with the memory. It was better now, he told himself, he had worked through the nightmare, even if his goal had changed and it was too late to regain his father’s respect. He drifted off to sleep, but the events haunted him once again in his dreams.

_Jarrod wanted to make his father proud; there was no better rancher in the valley than Tom Barkley. He had been sent off on his own to gather up some far-ranging strays and Tom’s eldest son was determined not to fail. His horse galloped across the open range when the animal suddenly stumbled. Jarrod tried to kick free from the stirrups as he’d been taught, but he wasn’t fast enough and he felt a crushing weight on his chest and leg as his mount fell heavily to the ground. He must have blacked out, because the next time he opened his eyes, the sun was already sinking below the horizon. The horse’s chest heaved with laboured breathing and from its feeble struggles, Jarrod knew one of the bay’s legs must be broken. His first thought was that he couldn’t let the animal suffer. Thankfully, his right arm and leg were free and Jarrod drew the revolver he’d received not long before for his fourteenth birthday._

_“It’s okay, boy,” he murmured sadly as he cocked the hammer and squeezed the trigger. The bay jerked once and then was still._

_It was a terrifying night, trapped under the cooling body of his horse. Jarrod tried without success to push his way free and as the hours marched on, his own body grew numb and he could hear the howls of coyotes move closer. He clutched the pistol tightly but eventually blacked out again as he succumbed to the fear and pain._

Jarrod struggled to get free until he realized he wasn’t trapped under the darkness of his dead horse, he was lying on the narrow bad of a rooming house in San Francisco. The off-key warbling of a lone man likely making his way from one of the waterfront saloons drifted through the air. Jarrod sat on the edge of the bed for a moment and then made his way to the rickety washstand to pour himself a drink of the tepid water in the pitcher.

The months of recovery came back with painful clarity. He wasn’t found until early the next morning and didn’t recall much of the next few days. His left leg was broken in two places, he had several broken ribs and developed pneumonia from lying trapped for so long. His father tried to get him back into the saddle as soon as his leg was out of splints, but he was still weak from his illness and his mother wouldn’t hear of it. Jarrod spent weeks in his room with nothing to do but read the books Silas brought with his meals and the work Nick brought home for him from school. He smiled as he remembered the hours his normally active little brother spent playing checkers and cards. He hadn’t really thanked Nick adequately for that, he thought with a pang of regret, and wondered if he’d ever get the chance.

But the books he spent his convalescence reading had opened his mind to a world of possibilities he’d never thought of before. Jarrod had always been a good student, but also had assumed he’d work by his father’s side when he was done school. During his recovery, he devoured the works of Thoreau and Emerson and followed the forcing of Indian tribes off their land in the wake of the gold rush in the newspapers. He became fascinated with the rise in politics of a humble Illinois lawyer by the name of Abraham Lincoln. It was those examples that started him thinking of a career in law. If right-minded men didn’t stand up for justice, then there would be no justice at all.

Jarrod crawled back into bed. He’d never wanted to disappoint his father. Even with his new thoughts on what he might do with his life, he’d been eager to get back out on the range at Tom’s side. When he got back on a horse and the animal started moving, however, Jarrod panicked at the remembered horror of falling and being trapped. When the horse sensed his fear and sidestepped restlessly, Jarrod dropped the reins and clutched white-knuckled to the saddlehorn.

He closed his eyes tightly. He could still hear his father yelling at him, the horse getting more agitated and eventually bucking him off. He hadn’t been able to make himself remount and Tom practically manhandled him back into the saddle with the same results. He could still see the disgust on his father’s face as he rode off and left his teenage son lying scared in the dirt.

He wasn’t that frightened boy anymore, Jarrod told himself. He’d known he had to get back on a horse at some point and, when no one was around, worked through his fear on his own by starting on the gentle old pony both he and Nick had learned to ride on. But the damage had already been done. Even after the long months he spent to conquer the panic and asked to help out around the ranch again, Tom derided him, stating that he was weak and berating his mother for making his son into a mama’s boy. Jarrod no longer wanted a life on the ranch and decided to pursue his other dreams, even though they were shot down with a vengeance when he broached them to his father.

The choice had been made. He couldn’t go back, not and be true to himself. With a determination born of being his parents’ son, Jarrod pulled the blanket over his head and tried again to get some sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“I finished copying those contracts, sir.” Jarrod held out the papers, which were taken and perused carefully.

“Good job, son.” Percy Harkins lay the contracts on the desk. “You have a very neat hand.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jarrod hesitated and then took a deep breath before speaking again. “I made a few notes, sir, and put them at the back. I was wondering if the reciprocation clause might need to be tightened up a bit.” He stood nervously as Harkins raised an eyebrow.

The experienced lawyer shuffled through the papers to the spot Jarrod had indicated. He frowned thoughtfully and then smiled. “You’re right. Good eye. I’ll make the changes tomorrow morning.” He looked up at Jarrod. “You’re going to make a fine lawyer, Mr. Barkley.”

Jarrod stood a little straighter. “Thank you, sir,” he said again.

Harkins rose to his feet and clapped the young man on the back. “Well, time to knock off for the day. Make sure everything is locked up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jarrod waited for Harkins to don his coat and hat and leave the building before locking the door carefully behind him. He made sure the office was tidy before heading out the back, locking that door as well, and making his way up the back stairs to the small apartment above the office. He was grateful to the respected attorney for letting him use the living space on the second floor for only a nominal fee and even more grateful that the man was giving him the opportunity to read law in his office. He lit the stove to heat up a can of beans and the stewed turnips left over from the day before.

While he waited for his dinner to be ready, Jarrod sat on the rickety chair at the small table and penned a short letter to his mother. He’d sent word when he got settled, not giving any details but letting her know he was well and was starting to follow his dream. He looked at the bank draft she’d sent in her return missive and carefully tucked it into the envelope with his letter. He appreciated the gesture, but had resolved he was going to make it on his own without touching any of the Barkley money. With the money he was saving by Harkins’ generosity, the job he had at the docks in the mornings before the law office opened provided him with enough to cover the essentials. It wasn’t the lifestyle he’d gotten used to over the past several years, but it was his, coming out of his own sweat and determination.

Jarrod pushed back his loneliness as he sealed the envelope and wrote the address on the front. He missed his mother; he missed his brother and his baby sister. He missed riding in the wide-open spaces; he even missed his day-to-day chores on the ranch. But when he’d accompanied Harkins into the courtroom for the first time and listened to his mentor’s impassioned pleas for his client’s life, Jarrod never thought he would feel an exhilaration to equal it until the verdict came down exonerating their client. Regrets and homesickness aside, Jarrod knew he was doing the right thing.

He studied a volume of case law that Harkins had assigned to him while he ate, then cleaned up and got ready for bed. He lay on the hard cot and stared at the ceiling, wondering if his father missed him at all before he fell asleep.

*

Jarrod woke in a cold sweat. His heart was racing as he looked wildly around the room. Slowly, he recognized his surroundings as his lodgings in San Francisco and he took a deep breath as he tried to banish the horrific feeling of being trapped. He waited for the familiar nightmare of being stuck and unable to move to subside, but the claustrophobic feeling only intensified.

Then suddenly, he felt it. It wasn’t the same nightmare of his accident, it was Nick. His brother was terrified. Jarrod coughed reflexively at the taste of dust-filled air. He could feel Nick’s panic at being trapped in that dark space, at never being able to escape. Jarrod was again thrown back to that hellish time he’d been trapped under his horse and struggled to free himself from the memory.

Jarrod tossed off the covers and threw on his clothes. He rushed downstairs, wrote a hurried note to tell Harkins that he had to leave suddenly due to a family emergency and hoped he’d still have a position when he returned. He ran the fifteen or so blocks to the wharf and managed to locate Cal Parker. Breathlessly, he told his boss that his brother was in serious danger and he had to go to him. Parker could see the distress on the young man’s face.

“Go,” he ordered. “Take my horse, he’s tethered out back.”

Jarrod was speechless and managed to stutter a thank you.

Parker clapped him on the back. “You’re a hard worker, son. Don’t worry, your job will be waiting when you get back.”

Jarrod grabbed his employer’s hand and shook it vigorously before running to the back of the warehouse, untying the waiting horse’s reins and vaulting into the saddle.

The trip was a blur. Looking after his mount’s welfare was something that had been ingrained in Jarrod as long as he could remember, so he alternated the hard riding with periods of walking beside the black to give him a breather. He made his way almost on instinct and as he got closer to home, he received a stronger sense of his brother. He could feel Nick crying out to him and the determined young man focused on those feelings, trying to get an idea of where Nick was.

A dark, damp hole. It wasn’t a well, the shaft wasn’t vertical. There was a hint of light and the occasional bit of fresh air. He could feel Nick try and try to push the heavy beam off his leg to no avail and yell again for help.

Jarrod suddenly knew where his twelve-year-old brother was. It was an old mine shaft that they used to play near, pretending it was a dragon’s lair or Ali Baba’s cave of wonders. Nick always wanted to go in and explore, but the more cautious older brother remembered the warnings about how unstable the abandoned mine was and had always been able to talk his more impetuous younger sibling out of going inside. But Nick’s thirst for adventure had obviously won out over caution and Jarrod hoped he’d be able to free him.

The shadows were lengthening into late afternoon when Jarrod arrived at the entrance to the mine.

“Nick!” he hollered. “Nick, can you hear me?” He listened and his belly clenched when he didn’t hear a response. “Nick!!”

Jarrod strained and when he heard the faint, “Get me out of here,” he felt a wash of relief.

“I’m coming, Nick!” he called. He pushed his way through the debris that partially blocked the entrance. “Nick, talk to me,” he said in a lower voice, not wanting to disturb the fragile state of the mine.

“Jarrod?’ the hoarse voice came back. “Jarrod, I can’t move. I can’t feel my leg.”

Jarrod scrambled over a large pile of rocks. “Hold on, Nick.” He moved a few more cautious steps and paused to let his eyes adjust to the dimming light. He caught a slight movement off to the side and made his way over to his brother. “Nick?” Jarrod said softly as he put a hand on the dust-covered shoulder.

“Jarrod…” Nick started to cough and Jarrod slipped an arm under his shoulders to raise him slightly. “Thanks.” Jarrod gently lowered him when his breathing eased and moved to inspect the beam that pinned Nick’s leg.

“If I can get this lifted, do you think you can pull yourself out?” he asked.

“I think so. But Jarrod,” Nick worried, “it’s awfully heavy.”

“Don’t worry,” the older brother assured the younger. Jarrod eyed the large post. It was big, but he had no choice if he didn’t want to leave Nick alone to get help and Nick had been there too long as it was. Taking a deep breath, Jarrod bent his knees and leaned over. He took a firm hold and ignored the rough splinters of wood that dug into his hands. “Okay, Nick,” he said, “here goes.” Jarrod prepared to lift the massive beam. The muscles he’d developed loading heavy freight over the past few months strained and trembled. The beam started to move inch by inch and he could hear the scrabbling as Nick scooted out from underneath as quickly as he could.

“I’m out,” came the laboured call.

Jarrod slowly lowered the beam and rested his hands on his knees while he caught his breath. He walked over and collapsed beside his brother. “The leg?’ he asked.

There was a long moment. “I can move my toes,” Nick told him.

“Then let’s get out of here.” Jarrod helped Nick sit and pulled his brother’s arm around his shoulders. He grabbed Nick’s hand and put his own arm around him. Jarrod pulled both of them to their feet.

“Oh, dang, now it’s starting to hurt!” Nick exclaimed, but he limped with Jarrod’s help towards the entrance and Jarrod hoisted and pushed him over the debris. The sun was sinking below the horizon as they made it into the fresh air.

“Darned horse must’ve taken off,” Nick grumbled and Jarrod chuckled in relief as he massaged the circulation back into the formerly trapped and thankfully unbroken leg.

“If that’s all we’ve got to worry about, brother Nick, then we’re doing pretty good.” Jarrod boosted Nick into the saddle of the borrowed black. He knew the horse was tired from the long ride and opted to walk.

“I knew you’d come, Jarrod,” Nick said after a few minutes. “Even if I was found before you got there, I knew you’d come.”

Jarrod was warmed by the faith his brother showed. Even though Nick was four years younger, they had always been close.

“I’ve missed you.”

Jarrod swallowed past the lump in his throat and looked up at Nick. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Are you gonna be staying home?” There was a hopeful look on his brother’s face and Jarrod had to look away as he shook his head.

“I don’t think I can.”

A heavy sigh came from the youth on top the horse. “Why don’t you wanna work on the ranch, Jarrod? We always had a good time on roundup and branding and stuff.”

“I can’t really explain it, Nick.” The older brother tried to put his feelings into words. “I do like working on the ranch, but that’s not where my heart is.” He looked back up at Nick. “I mean, my heart will always be with you and the rest of the family, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve missed you, but...” He groped for the right words.

“But you want to be a lawyer and make things right.”

Jarrod felt something ease inside him at Nick’s wide grin. His brother did understand and didn’t resent him for leaving. “Yeah.”

The rest of the journey home was occupied with stories of happenings in the valley, tales of their little sister’s antics and what Jarrod had been up to in San Francisco. It made Jarrod glad to see the pride on his brother’s face when he described the job he had on the docks and how he was helping prepare for trials and draw up contracts. Nick made sure Jarrod saw the spurs he’d been give by their father, slightly dusty but still firmly attached to his boots. It strengthened Jarrod to know that, no matter what, he and Nick would always be as close as it was possible for brothers to be.

It had been full dark for a while by the time the brothers arrived at the ranch buildings. Jarrod stopped the weary horse in front of the house and made his own tired body support Nick’s weight as he slid out of the saddle. Nick leaned into him as he hobbled across the porch. Jarrod turned the handle and pushed open the big oak door. He wasn’t sure what sort of reception he was going to get, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from helping his brother as much as he could.

A lamp was burning in the foyer and the fire in the hearth spread a warm glow through the room. Jarrod and Nick both looked up at the rustle of fabric as their mother came in through the kitchen.

“Nick!” she cried. She rushed over and took his grimy face in her hands and kissed him. “Everyone’s been out looking for you and I’ve been frantic! Where have you been?”

Jarrod stood to the side, feeling a bit uncomfortable until Victoria turned to him. “Thank you for…” she started until she realized who it was. “Jarrod?” she said, shocked.

“Hello, Mother,” he replied quietly.

“Oh, Jarrod!” she exclaimed and hugged both of her sons tightly. “How did you find him?”

Jarrod shrugged in her embrace. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But I think Nick’s wore out. I know I am.”

Victoria turned a concerned glance on her youngest son. “Are you hurt, Nick?”

“Just my leg,” he told her, “but it’s not too bad.”

Victoria gave him a stern look. “Your father’s still out looking, but I’m going to send someone for Dr. Merar. And both of you need a bath and a hot meal.” She reached out and cupped each of their cheeks as her expression softened. “It’s so good to have you both home, safe and sound.”

Jarrod felt his mother’s unconditional love and had to hold back a tear. He’d missed her so much when he was gone. It felt so right to be back home that he started to reconsider his decision to leave. Maybe it was worth giving up his dream of being a lawyer to be with his family again; after all, it wasn’t as if he hated ranching. Victoria hustled them both upstairs and the conflict in Jarrod’s heart grew. He was tired, he told himself, and hungry. He could decide what he was going to do later. For the moment at least, he would enjoy just being home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight canon change here, Nick is said to be 16 when he was trapped in the mine (Night of the Wolf), but in my story, Jarrod is 16.


	3. Chapter 3

Jarrod was grateful his mother had kept his things in his room after he’d left as he pulled on clean clothes after his bath. He didn’t feel like he could sleep yet, so chose a plain pair of pants and shirt. As he was fastening the buttons, he heard the familiar sound of his father’s tread in the hall and a knot of anxiety grew in his stomach. He didn’t want a repeat of the confrontation from the day he left. But as he stood there, mustering the courage to leave his room, Jarrod realized he didn’t want to avoid it. If he couldn’t stand firm in front of his father, face-to-face, how could he ever expect to confront opposing council or a hostile witness in the courtroom? Even if he did decide to stay on the ranch, he had to stand up for himself or he’d lose his own self-respect, never mind gaining the respect of his father.

Jarrod took a deep breath and opened the door. He met his father coming out of Nick’s room.

“How is he?” Jarrod asked in a steady voice.

“Sleeping,” was the curt reply.

Jarrod could feel Tom’s steel blue eyes boring into him. His father’s stare had intimidated many a grown man, but in that moment, it only served to fuel his son’s resolve. He stood his ground. “It’s good to see you, Father.”

Tom raised an eyebrow. “So finally came to your senses and came home, Jarrod? Realized you couldn’t do it on your own?”

Jarrod bristled, but kept his irritation off his face. “I came because of Nick,” he said evenly.

“Jarrod, you couldn’t have even known,” Tom scoffed. “Don’t try to make excuses.”

Jarrod kept a firm rein on his simmering temper. “Father, Nick’s been through a lot. If we’re going to do this, we should go downstairs so we don’t wake him up.” Jarrod didn’t wait for an answer, he just turned abruptly and walked downstairs, making sure to keep half a step in front of the taller man. The brief exchange made him realize that he couldn’t turn back and return to work on the family ranch. The only way to prove to his father he was a man was to act like one. Tom Barkley never compromised his ideals for what anyone else thought. Jarrod knew that was one thing he was proud to admit that he and his father shared, even though Tom had lost some of Jarrod’s respect through his callous treatment and hard-headed opposition to his son’s choices.

Victoria was waiting for them downstairs. She took a step forward to embrace her son, but stopped when she saw the rigid set of his shoulders. He was different, she realized. Gone was the appearance of youth that she remembered; in front of her stood a man, a young man, but a man all the same. It had only been a couple months, but she knew without a doubt that Jarrod was coming into his own.

She saw the hard expression on her husband’s face. Tom wasn’t willing to admit that Jarrod needed to set his own path in life and her heart quailed to think that the rift in her family was something that might not be overcome. She loved both of them and hoped she could mediate some sort of understanding. However, she knew how stubborn Tom was. Victoria remembered trying to get him to ease up on Jarrod after the accident two years ago. But Tom wouldn’t listen and Jarrod turned away, avoiding ranch work when he could and immersing himself more and more in academic pursuits.

She’d been brokenhearted when she found Jarrod’s note the morning after he’d left, but realized she should have seen it coming. The guilt she felt over not being able to make Tom understand warred with the pride in her son for striking out on his own and that pride swelled as she saw the confident man now standing in front of her.

“It’s good to have you home, son,” she said. “Are you here for long?”

She noted the sideways look Jarrod gave his father. “No, Mother,” he said and she could see the sadness as he tried to smile. “I knew Nick was in trouble and I had to come. The horse I borrowed needs a rest, so I’ll stay until the morning, but I have to get back to my job.”

Tom turned on his heel and strode quickly through the door to the library. Jarrod closed his eyes, but not before Victoria saw the pain of his father’s rejection in them. She took the two steps up to him and laid her hand on his arm. “Give him time, Jarrod,” she told the young man softly. “He’ll realize that he has a son to be proud of, even if your path in life doesn’t match with what he envisioned for you.” She eyed him carefully. “Are you getting along okay? I hope you’re taking care of yourself and getting enough to eat.”

Jarrod kissed her cheek. “Other than having to eat my own cooking, I’m fine, Mother. I’m making enough to get by.” He gave her that smile that she loved so well. “I know I’ve made the right choice. The work I have at the law office is exactly what I want to be doing and where I need to be. I just wish…”

Victoria saw the glitter of tears in his eyes. “I miss you too, sweetheart. In spite of what happened between you and your father, this will always be your home.”

Enfolding her in a warm hug, Jarrod said, “I love you, Mother.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “I love you too. Now why don’t you go sit with your brother if you’re not going to sleep?”

He nodded and Victoria watched as he headed up the stairs. She then went into the library and found her husband staring into a glass of amber whiskey.

“What’s the matter with that boy, Vic?’ Tom asked. His arm moved in a wide sweeping gesture. “Isn’t all I built here good enough for him?”

Victoria fought the urge to slap the self-righteous expression off Tom’s face. Instead, she said coolly, “There’s nothing wrong with Jarrod, Tom, other than the fact that he’s his father’s son.”

“His…?” Tom snorted. “Now that’s a laugh.” He took a swig of his drink.

“Is it, Tom?” Victoria challenged. “Jarrod is doing what he knows is right, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Our son is out there, making his life his own rather than tamely doing what someone else wants of him. Isn’t that what you did when you came out west?”

Tom slammed the glass on the table. “It’s not the same thing at all!” he snapped. “I had nothing, came from nothing. What did I build all this for if it wasn’t for my family, my sons?”

“So you’re just going to condemn your son for not grovelling at your feet and thanking you for letting him live in your shadow?” Victoria snapped back. “I for one am proud that my son has the guts to stand on his own two feet. If you drive him away, Tom, so he never comes back, I will never forgive you.”

With a swish of skirts, Victoria turned and marched out of the room. She paused for a moment and sagged against the wall before gathering herself together and heading upstairs to check on her sons. She smiled when she opened the door and saw Jarrod in the chair beside Nick’s bed, his brother’s hand in his. Both of her boys were sound asleep and Victoria moved quietly to get a quilt and drape it over her eldest. She placed kisses on both brows and stole out of the room as quietly as she came.

Tom didn’t come to bed that night and he was gone the next morning. Biting back her disappointment, Victoria took a tray with breakfast up to Nick’s room and was pleased to see her younger son awake. She wasn’t pleased that his older brother had to forcibly push him back into the bed.

“Nick,” Jarrod was saying, “if Mother catches you trying to get up, she’s liable to come after you with her wooden spoon.”

“Jarrod’s right,” she told them as she set down the tray and turned a stern look on Nick. “Now Dr. Merar sent word that he’d be out soon and I don’t want you stirring from that bed until he says it’s okay.”

“Yes, Mother,” Nick muttered, eyes downcast.

“Now I bet you’re both starving.” She saw them both look over to the food. “Eat up, you two. If you’re still hungry, Jarrod can come down and get you some more.” She left them to their meal, knowing the brothers probably needed a bit more time alone. Going down the back stairs, Victoria stopped at the small closet at the bottom and pulled out a set of saddlebags that were stored there. With Tom unwilling to see his son’s side of things, Victoria knew it would be futile to try and talk Jarrod into staying.

She packed the saddlebags full of essentials; cured sausage, canned vegetables and fruit, some rolls from the previous day’s baking wrapped in a napkin along with a few of his favourite cookies. She went back upstairs and took some blankets out of the closet before going into Jarrod’s room and pulling a few items of clothing out of his dresser. Those she rolled tightly into the blanket and took downstairs before wrapping the whole bundle in a waterproof sheet of canvas. Then she poured herself a cup of coffee, sat at the table and waited.

Jarrod came downstairs about half an hour later with the remains of breakfast. “Nick fell asleep again,” he said as he set the tray on the table. “I guess he’s still pretty tired.”

Victoria could see the dark circles under Jarrod’s eyes and the shadow of a beard on his cheeks. “You look tired yourself.”

Jarrod gave her a small smile. “I’ll be okay.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss. “I should get going. They won’t keep my job for me forever.”

Victoria nodded and rose to her feet. “Write when you get there so I know you’re okay,” she ordered, fighting back a tear as she handed him the saddlebags and bedroll.

“Yes, Mother,” Jarrod affirmed as he took the supplies gratefully. He took a step towards the door before turning back and holding her tightly. “A part of me will always stay here,” he whispered and then he opened the door and stepped outside, shutting it behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Jarrod gave a smile as she poured his drink. The heavily made-up blonde responded by running her fingers through his hair and letting her hand trail down his chest to his groin.

“If you want anything else, name’s Sadie,” she whispered in his ear before sashaying off to serve another customer.

Jarrod sighed as he sipped his whiskey. The caress had made his manhood twitch, but it wasn’t anything more than a physical reaction. He’d paid for the services of a soiled dove a couple times since coming to the city, wanting to see what all the fuss was about, but the encounters had left him cold. He received just as much satisfaction from his own hand and that he didn’t have to pay for.

 _Just another reason I’ll never be the way Tom Barkley thinks a man should be,_ he told himself bitterly as he swallowed the liquor in one gulp. Not that his father had ever taken him to any of his favourite sporting houses, but he’d overheard the talk in the bunkhouse and his father bragging about the women he’d spent time with. _Such a great man, husband and father. Wonder what the good folks of Stockton would say if they knew the real Tom Barkley,_ was Jarrod’s cynical thought.

“Hey, you.” Jarrod turned at the call. “Yes, you, young man,” the dapper looking gentleman at the next table confirmed. “Do you play cards?”

Jarrod gave an uncertain nod. “Yes, sir, why do you ask?”

The well-dressed man gave a debonair smile as he gestured to the two empty seats. “We need another if we’re to keep playing,” he explained. “The other gentlemen, alas, have run out of funds.”

Jarrod thought about the few dollars in his pocket. He’d been living frugally and had a bit extra this Saturday night, why not treat himself to a little fun? The hands at the ranch had always been happy to include him in their games; he knew enough about poker that he might even win a little. “Reckon I could play a few hands,” he said as he got up and moved to the other table.

The dark-haired gentleman held out his hand and shook Jarrod’s warmly. “Name’s Jack Darby and my illustrious opponent goes by the handle of Chance.”

Chance gave Jarrod a noncommittal nod as the younger man sat at one of the empty chairs. Jack offered Jarrod the deck of cards.

“Now I never play with anyone I don’t know,” he said with a wink and a twinkle in his blue eyes.

Jarrod smiled back. “Jarrod,” he offered as he demonstrated his ability to shuffle the cards. “I do have to tell you that the stakes I can play for aren’t very high.”

Jack gave a dismissive wave. “It’s all for the fun of the game, my boy.” He gestured to Sadie. “A bottle for me and my friends,” he instructed and plucked one of the bills in front of him to tuck into her bodice when she delivered the whiskey.

They settled down to their cards in earnest, staying within the modest amounts Jarrod was able to bet or raise. Chance didn’t say much unless it was regarding the game, but Jack was a different story. By the time the game was winding down along with the bottle of booze, Jarrod knew Jack was only six years older than himself and grew up in New Orleans, the names of his seven brothers and sisters, the finest saloons and gaming houses the gambler had been in, where to find the best steak in the Midwest, along with various other tidbits. Jarrod found himself talking about Stockton and the ranch, his job on the docks and his aspirations to become a lawyer. He glossed over his relationship with his father, but knew some of the resentment likely came through.

Chance eventually tossed his cards onto the table face down. “That’s it for me,” he pronounced. “Thanks for the game, gents.” He collected his money, stood up and tipped his hat before leaving in the same business-like manner he’d played cards with.

Jack eyed Jarrod over his cards. “Raise, call or fold?” he asked.

Jarrod looked at the hand he was holding. Three sevens, the jack of hearts and the ace of spades looked back at him. Not a great hand, but not that bad either. He glanced down to his modest stack of coins and bills. He wasn’t sure if he was ahead, but didn’t think he’d lost much either. “I’ll see your two and raise five,” he said with the boldness of imbibing somewhat more alcohol than he was used to as he pushed the money to the center.

Jack’s eyes twinkled. “Hmmm,” he said, tapping his chin. He glanced over to the bar where the bartender gave him a meaningful look. “I think our host is wanting us to retire, so let’s make this the last hand.” He tossed a half-eagle on the pile. “I’d like to see what you have.”

Jarrod fanned out his cards slowly and waited. Jack raised an eyebrow and set his cards in front of him without bothering to turn them over. “The pot is yours.”

Jarrod tucked his winnings into his pocket. “Thanks for the game and the drinks,” he said and got to his feet unsteadily. He gripped the table as the room started to spin and felt a steadying hand on his elbow. “Guess I don’t usually drink that much,” he said sheepishly.

“Well, you’re in no condition to be roaming about the streets on your own,” Jack told him. “I have a room upstairs, why don’t you sleep it off and leave in the morning?”

Jarrod sensed the sincerity in the other man’s voice. “I don’t want to be a bother…” he started.

“Not a bother at all,” he was assured as Jack gently propelled him towards the stairs.

Jarrod made no more protest as they made their way to the room and Jack opened the door, secretly glad he didn’t have to find his way to his lodgings. Jack steered him to sit on the edge of the bed and bent down to help him remove his boots.

“So, Jarrod,” Jack asked as he sat beside him, “have you had much experience with the pleasures of the flesh?”

“I’ve been with a few women,” Jarrod said slowly, wondering why Jack would ask such a personal question.

“Ah,” Jack replied with a lustful gleam in his eyes. “Women are nice, but…” He leaned forward and kissed a surprised Jarrod hard on the lips. “They’re nothing compared to the pleasures that can be had with a man.”

His hand pushed against the front of Jarrod’s pants and, startled, Jarrod felt his cock stiffen in response. This time, Jack’s tongue probed into Jarrod’s mouth as he kissed him and his hands moved to unbutton Jarrod’s shirt.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” the gambler murmured as he sucked on Jarrod’s earlobe and his hands started to roam across the young man’s chest. “Just ask me to stop and I will.”

Jarrod was too shocked to speak, let alone protest. Jack’s fingers playing with his nipple as the other hand unfastened his pants made Jarrod’s organ swell with an unexpected desire.

 _This is so wrong,_ he told himself, but his hips moved forward almost involuntarily as Jack’s hand reached further into his pants to stroke his sac. A part of his mind said he should put a stop to what was happening, but he had never felt so aroused before. Jack’s lips travelled back to Jarrod’s and this time the younger man took the initiative to let his tongue explore Jack’s.

Jack’s mouth left his to trail down his chest and then the gambler knelt between his legs and tugged off his pants. Jarrod held his breath in nervous anticipation as Jack stood and stripped off his own clothes.

 _Oh, God, what am I doing?_ Jarrod thought as Jack crawled back onto the bed, but the aspiring law student reached up to touch Jack’s hard member. Jack stretched out on top of Jarrod and pushed his hand away so he could grab both their cocks together. _We shouldn’t be doing this…_ Jack’s hand was almost large enough to encompass both penises completely and he started moving his hips to rub his engorged manhood against Jarrod’s. His tongue invaded Jarrod’s mouth again and Jarrod began to push back. Their tongues battled and their cocks strained against each other. Jarrod gasped when Jack’s hand moved between his buttocks and a finger was abruptly thrust up his ass. But he was too far gone to object and when Jack hit a certain spot, Jarrod exploded, smearing hot fluid between them.

Jarrod shuddered and moaned with the strength of his orgasm. His body tensed and then relaxed, only to tense again at the pain when Jack’s cock pierced his tight hole. _What the devil…?_ Jarrod thought and then Jack’s sex hit that spot again.

“Just relax,” Jack whispered in his ear, holding still. Jarrod felt his erection grow again as his sphincter loosened and before he knew it, he was moaning in pleasure as Jack’s length was buried in him completely.

“Can’t have this with a woman,” Jack groaned huskily and Jarrod looked up. Jack’s blue eyes were filled with lust and Jarrod knew his were the same. Jack pulled out until only the tip of his cock remained inside then drove into Jarrod hard. Jarrod gasped with the pain and pleasure as Jack pounded into his ass. He reached down, grabbed his own shaft and started stroking hard. He felt the hot seed pool at the base of his cock and his body bucked and trembled as he came again. Jack moaned as he gave several more short, sharp thrusts before collapsing against Jarrod’s chest. He kissed Jarrod’s neck and rolled off.

Jarrod just lay on his back, gasping as Jack’s hand lazily roamed over his chest and belly. His head was a bit fuzzy from all the whiskey, but he was fully aware of what had just happened and knew he had participated willingly. He continued to try and wrap his mind around it as Jack nestled close and soon heard soft snoring as the other man drifted off to sleep.

Jarrod carefully extracted himself from Jack’s embrace, quietly pulled on his clothes and left the room. He exited the building by the back stairs and started walking. His backside ached with every step, but he kept going without any particular destination in mind.

He just had sex with another man. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that sort of thing happened; he remembered hearing two of the hands in their bedrolls one night and the trail boss taking him aside to explain on the one cattle drive he’d been on.

But it wasn’t just that he’d lain with a man. It was that he desired that man, wanted him more than he’d ever wanted a woman and the resulting climaxes had been the most intense he’d ever had in his young life.

What he’d done was against the laws of God and man; how could he want to uphold the law and want something that was so depraved at the same time? Maybe his father was right; maybe he wasn’t any kind of man.

The sun was rising when Jarrod found himself among the homes of the affluent on Nob Hill. When he saw the church as he rounded a corner, his feet took him up the steps and he sat quietly in the deserted back pew. The sermon was already underway, the well- dressed patrons occupied the seats near the front and Jarrod hoped that his less prosperous attire would go unnoticed.

He hadn’t attended services since he’d come to the city, using the luxury of a day off to catch up on his rest and pour over the law books Harkins assigned to him. As he listened, he thought how appropriate it was that the teaching for the day was the parable of the Prodigal Son. Jarrod held back bitter tears as the priest talked about love and forgiveness; he didn’t think his father would ever welcome him back with open arms, especially if he discovered exactly how tainted his oldest son was.

“…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love.” The priest bent his head with his final words and gestured to the choir. The stirring sound of voices rose in harmony as the church’s patrons filed out into the morning sunshine.

The words of the hymn resonated through Jarrod’s being.

 

 _Just as I am, without one plea,  
but that thy blood was shed for me,   
and that thou bidst me come to thee,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

_Just as I am, and waiting not  
to rid my soul of one dark blot,   
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

_Just as I am, though tossed about  
with many a conflict, many a doubt,   
fightings and fears within, without,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

_Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;  
sight, riches, healing of the mind,   
yea, all I need in thee to find,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

_Just as I am, thou wilt receive,  
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;   
because thy promise I believe,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

_Just as I am, thy love unknown  
hath broken every barrier down;   
now, to be thine, yea thine alone,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come._

He was who he was, Jarrod realized. His newfound knowledge that he preferred men over women was no different than his desire to be a lawyer rather than a rancher. Was it a greater sin to lie with a man than sleep with a woman who wasn’t one’s wife? The Bible condemned both, yet he wouldn’t be surprised if many of the well-heeled men who’d been among the congregation were guilty of that sin and likely a multitude of others. And just because he had those desires didn’t mean he had to act on them. It was what one did with his thoughts and how he treated others that made someone a man.

The priest gave him a kind look upon re-entering the church and left him alone. Jarrod sat in the welcoming silence and came to a tentative peace with himself as one of the verses of the hymn echoed in his mind.

 

 _Just as I am, thou wilt receive,  
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;   
because thy promise I believe,   
O Lamb of God, I come, I come. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ephesians 4:2 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love”   
> The hymn is Just As I Am Without One Plea words by Charlotte Elliott, 1835, music by William Bradbury, 1849.


	5. Chapter 5

Jarrod felt a glow of satisfaction as his client shook his hand heartily before leaving the courtroom. The civil suit was the first case Harkins had let him handle all on his own and having the judge decide in his client’s favour was a big boost to the fledgling attorney’s ego.

“Well-played, Barkley.” Jarrod looked up at the laughing hazel eyes and cocky grin. “But next time I’ll be ready for you.”

Jarrod chuckled as he gathered up his papers. “If I were you, Brett, I’d just advise your client to give up gracefully when you see my name opposite yours on the docket.”

“I was thinking I could buy you a drink to celebrate,” Brett Skyler suggested slyly. “Maybe if I get you drunk enough, you’ll share the secrets of your success with me.”

Jarrod thought for a moment. He did have to be at the docks early, but the occasional late night never hurt. Besides, trading strategies and tricks with another law student would only be beneficial to both of them. “Sounds good. Where?”

Brett named a not-too shabby place near the warehouse district and Jarrod readily agreed. He stopped by the law office to drop off the papers and change out of his courtroom suit before he went to meet Brett.

The sandy-haired young man had grabbed a table in the middle of the room. He signalled the bartender to bring another glass when he spotted Jarrod. “I ordered us some food, too,” he said as Jarrod sat down. He filled the glass when it was placed in front of Jarrod. “So what do we drink to?”

Jarrod picked up the glass and watched the amber liquid swirl around. “How about to law and justice for starters?”

“Law and justice.” The two young men drank and debated cases and precedents all through dinner. Lingering over the cigars Brett produced from his pocket, Brett flashed Jarrod a grin.

“Hey, Jarrod, have you seen how those gals have been checking us out?”

Jarrod turned in the direction Brett indicated. A couple young women sporting the short skirts and low necklines of working girls were looking their way. The brunette, who appeared to be the older of the two, gave them a frankly provocative appraisal while the blonde glanced down at her hands. Jarrod turned back to see Brett give the girls a brazen wink.

“Brett…” he cautioned, but Brett just gave him another rakish grin.

“Ah, don’t worry, Jarrod, I’ve got it covered.” He took out his billfold and tossed some money on the table before taking out a few more bills and tucking them into the girls’ décolletage when they came over. He stood and took the arm of the brunette. “Take care of my friend,” he told the blonde and Jarrod heard the brunette giggle when Brett pinched her ample derriere as they made their way across the room and up the stairs.

“My room’s upstairs, too,” the blonde said in a soft voice.

Jarrod wasn’t sure what to do. After his one night with Jack, he realized exactly how powerful sex could be with two people who desired each other and he really didn’t desire the pretty girl in front of him. But he also didn’t know how to decline the offer gracefully, so he got to his feet and followed her up the stairs. Up in her room, without the smoky haze from the bar below, Jarrod got a better look at his companion. She couldn’t have been more than fifteen, he realized. He also saw the trembling of her lip and a tear growing in her eye.

“Hey, now,” he said and took her hand gently, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She sniffed and wiped away the wetness on her cheek. “I’m sorry, this isn’t what you paid for.” She started to unbutton her dress and Jarrod stopped her.

“You don’t have to do that.” He didn’t really want to bed any woman, much less one who didn’t appear to want it either. He caught the flash of fear on her face. “I mean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he amended. He sat on the edge of the bed. “If you don’t want to do this, why are you here?”

She hesitantly sat beside him. “I don’t have anywhere else to go or anything else to sell,” she said quietly. “My mama died and my pa’s new wife didn’t want me hanging around, so I thought it best if I tried to make my own way.”

Jarrod’s heart went out to her. He understood what it felt like to have to leave home and he thought about the other women he’d met in saloons. He hadn’t really realized that they might not be there because they wanted that life, but because they didn’t think they had any other choice. Jarrod wondered what he would have done if he didn’t have the ability to earn his way with physical labour and shuddered as the thought came to him that there might be places like this that catered to men with a taste for others of their own sex. “I wish I could do something,” he said.

She smiled. “Thanks, that’s sweet of you, but I’ll get by. Pete, who owns this place, says he doesn’t tolerate his customers getting rough with the girls so it’ll be okay.”

Jarrod reached into his pocket and pulled out the half-eagle he had there. He figured she needed it more than he did. “Here. I’ve had help so I could follow my dream. Maybe this can help you follow yours.” He put the coin into the surprised girl’s hand and stood up. “Well, I should get going.”

“Wait.” She stopped him with a hand on his arm. “You’ve been real kind and I…” She trailed off hesitantly. “I’ve never been with a man before,” she said in a shaky voice, “and I believe you, that you won’t hurt me. At least, not any more than’s necessary.”

Jarrod swallowed nervously, a bit stunned that the girl in front of him was asking him to take her virginity.

“Please,” she begged softly and Jarrod found he couldn’t deny the pleading in her eyes. Even though he wasn’t really attracted to her in that way, he felt his young flesh start to rise in spite of himself.

“If you really want me to…” She nodded and Jarrod led her back to the bed. He kissed her gently before slowly removing his clothes. He saw her do the same out of the corner of his eye and sighed inwardly as the glimpse of pert young breasts did nothing to fuel his desire. _Maybe my father is right,_ he thought miserably, _maybe I’m not enough of a man._ He made sure to stroke himself to strengthen his erection as he moved over top of her. _I’m sure Father would be done with her already,_ he suddenly thought in disgust. _Is that really what he thinks a man should be?_

Jarrod looked down at the girl he was about to make into a woman. “Are you sure?” She nodded, but Jarrod saw another tear roll down her cheek. “If you don’t want this, if you want me to stop…” She shook her head and Jarrod entered her as gently as he could. He concentrated on her face as he moved inside her. He wasn’t in this for himself, even though he could feel his arousal mounting. Being her first time, he might not be able to bring her to her peak, but he’d do everything he could to make sure she enjoyed it. But her eyes suddenly grew wide and Jarrod felt her muscles clench around him as she gasped aloud. He gave a few more thrusts, the urgency of youth overcoming the lack of desire as his seed shot out in a burst of physical gratification. He kissed her softly before moving off.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “That was a lot more enjoyable than I was led to believe.”

Jarrod pulled her close. “Don’t feel trapped by this life if it isn’t what you want,” he told her. “There are always other options, believe me.” She gave a small smile before nestling her head onto his shoulder. After a few minutes, they both retrieved their clothes. She went back downstairs and Jarrod was halfway to his apartment before he realized he never even knew her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some discrepancy in canon here. In 'A Time To Kill", jarrod states that he and Brett went to law school together. In 'Night of the Wolf', Jarrod is said to have studied law in San Francisco where there was no actual law school at the time. I ended up blending the two.


	6. Chapter 6

Jarrod read the newspaper clipping posted on the message board at the city courthouse again.

> CAVALRY COMPANY FOR THE EAST.
> 
> The undersigned has been authorized by the Secretary of War to raise a company of Cavalry for service in the East to make part of the Massachusetts quota.  
> A Roll of the company is at Assembly Hall, corner of Post and Kearny Streets, where persons desirous of joining can enroll their names.  
> No one need apply who is not a good horseman and in good health. Men from the country preferred. The Roll will be kept open a reasonable time before selections are made.  
> All expenses will be paid as soon as accepted.  
> Further particulars apply to Office, corner Post and Kearny Street.
> 
> J. Sewall Reed

“You can’t seriously be thinking of signing up, Jarrod.”

Jarrod didn’t turn around. He easily recognized the urbane tone. “I might be, Nat.”

He heard a snort of derision and turned around to find Nat Springer accompanied by Brett Skyler and Phil Archer. The four of them had met over the years as they studied law with their respective mentors and had been recently admitted to the California bar to become licensed attorneys. He and Brett had even talked about setting up a law practice together.

“C’mon, Barkley,” Phil scoffed. “All you have to do is go back and make nice with your rich daddy and you’ll be set for life. Why would you want to put that life on the line for a war clear across the country?”

Jarrod didn’t bother to answer. He knew Phil from Stockton, but the two had never been friends and Jarrod didn’t feel a need to justify himself.

“Might be a good idea,” Brett mused, “assuming I was a good enough horseman to even have a chance. And assuming I didn’t like my warm, comfortable bed so much.”

Nat and Phil laughed and Jarrod smiled slightly. “Well, since I don’t have anything left on my schedule today, I’m going home. I’ll probably see you Thursday, that’s the next time I have a court appearance scheduled.”

“See you, Jarrod,” Brett and Nat told him. Phil only glowered.

But Jarrod’s feet didn’t take him to his lodgings. Instead, they took him to the Assembly Hall at the corner of Post and Kearny. Inside, he saw a man at a wooden table with a stack of papers in front of him. “Can I help you, son?”

Jarrod nodded. “I was wondering, sir, if this is where I can register my name for the cavalry company Mr. Reed is raising.”

The man scrutinized him carefully. “You seem to be in good health. Do you ride?”

“I was raised on a ranch, sir,” Jarrod answered politely.

“Hmm.” The man pushed a paper across the table to Jarrod along with a pen and inkwell. “Sign here, son. Name, age and place of residence. We have more names than we need, so we’ll be making selections based on horsemanship and skill with a firearm this Saturday at the field outside Hanson’s Livery, 6 AM sharp. Do you know where that is?”

Jarrod wrote out his name. “I’ll find it, sir. Thank you.”

It was a long walk back to the small back room he called home and it gave Jarrod time to think about the events that had torn apart his country over the past two years. South Carolina seceding from the union, followed by the other southern states. Confederate forces attacking Fort Sumter. The call to arms from the Union and the massacre at Bull Run. Grant’s victory at Fort Donelson. A second defeat to the Union at Bull Run. The recent removal of General McClellan in disgrace. Jarrod had followed the progress of the war in the papers and thought about joining up more than once. But volunteers from the West were usually only stationed in the West - fighting Indians, guarding wagon trains, or doing garrison duty to free up regular Army troops and Jarrod decided to concentrate on his studies instead.

However, with the formation of a proposed cavalry unit to fight with the Massachusetts regiment, Jarrod knew it was time to join the war effort. He believed in what President Lincoln was trying to do, to preserve the sanctity of the Union and bring about the abolishment of slavery. By volunteering, he could truly back up his convictions and fight for every man’s right to freedom, for the ability to chose one’s own course in life.

Jarrod gave a good accounting of himself that Saturday morning and wasn’t surprised to see his name on the list of those who were accepted. Captain Reed informed them that their ship was to leave in one week on the first of December and gave them a list of equipment they needed to supply.

That evening, Jarrod sat at the table in his room and started writing. He didn’t want to worry her, but he had to tell his mother what he was about to do. Men were dying on the battlefields of the east and Jarrod couldn’t leave for what was an uncertain future without telling her how much he loved her. He also included a letter for Nick, telling his brother how he hoped they would be able to ride together through their Valley someday soon.

The week went by in a flash. The company trained hard, causing Jarrod to almost collapse from exhaustion at the day’s end except for the one night Brett took him for a farewell dinner, where his friend reminded him that they couldn’t hang their shingles together if he got himself killed.

The morning of December 1 dawned bright and clear. A sharp wind was blowing in across the Bay as Jarrod arrived at the docks. A crowd of well-wishers was already gathered and Jarrod couldn’t help a pang of envy at those of his comrades whose families were there to see them off. He was about to make his solitary way up the gangplank when a voice calling out his name made him turn around.

“Mother?” he said in surprise. He almost couldn’t believe it was really her.

A smile came across Victoria Barkley’s face and it warmed Jarrod’s heart, even though he could see the strain and worry.

“I couldn’t let you go without seeing you off, sweetheart,” she said. Jarrod crossed the distance between them and gathered her into a fierce hug.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I wish I could tell you everything’s going to be okay, but all I can do is promise you that I’ll do my best to come back safely.”

Victoria pulled back and took his face in her hands. “Your best will always be good enough for me, son. Make sure and write when you get the chance.”

Jarrod had to ask, even though he already guessed the answer. “Did Father say anything?” He saw his mother bite back a tear as she shook her head.

“No, but he didn’t try to stop me from coming when I told him what I was doing.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a cloth-wrapped object. “Nick sent you this.”

Jarrod unwrapped it and found a knife in a plain leather sheath.

“He made the sheath himself,” Victoria said with pride.

Jarrod was hard pressed to contain his emotions. “Tell him thank you,” he whispered.

The ship’s whistle blew, signalling the men it was time to board.

“I have to go,” Jarrod told his mother and hugged her again.

“I know, Jarrod. I love you and I’m so proud of you.”

Jarrod kissed her gently and turned back to walk up the gangplank. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t want her to see the tears that were slowly making their way down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Information on the California Hundred can be found at http://2mass.omnica.com/ and http://www.militarymuseum.org/2ndMassCav.html


	7. Chapter 7

Jarrod stared down at the bloody sabre in his hands and then at the man whose blood was streaked across it. Jarrod’s horse had been shot out from under him and this time the young man was able to get himself clear. His adversary had lunged at him and Jarrod managed to pull his cavalry sword just in time. The fallen Confederate soldier grabbed at the bowels spilling out of his belly, gasped and then was still.

Jarrod suddenly felt sick. He stumbled over to a clump of nearby bushes and retched violently. A hand on his shoulder made him jump.

“Easy, Barkley, it’ll be okay. It hits everyone like this their first time.” Jarrod looked into the eyes of one of the company’s lieutenants, nodded and then turned to heave again. His comrade crouched down behind him and gripped his shoulders reassuringly, offering him a drink from his canteen when Jarrod had nothing left.

“C’mon,” Lt. Brantford said, “let’s get you away a little.” He guided Jarrod a few yards away from the carnage, sat him down at the base of a large tree and knelt beside him. Jarrod was shivering and the other man placed a comforting arm around his shoulders. Josh Brantford was a very attractive man and Jarrod had fantasized about being close to him several times, but he certainly wasn’t going to make his interest known. However, he couldn’t resist leaning closer into his touch. That was when he felt the lieutenant caress his chest.

“I can make you feel a lot better if you want me to,” he breathed into Jarrod’s ear. Jarrod looked up, startled to find blatant lust in the other man’s eyes but he did want him to and didn’t pull away. Josh evidently took that as consent as he started unbuttoning Jarrod’s pants. “Have you even been with another man?” Jarrod nodded wordlessly and Josh smiled. “Good.”

Without any other preamble, he pulled Jarrod’s pants off his hips and flipped him over so he was face down on the ground. He didn’t take the time to take off the rest of Jarrod’s clothing and Jarrod suddenly felt an agonizing pain as Josh rammed his cock into Jarrod’s ass without any preparation. Jarrod whimpered under the onslaught, but Josh started twisting his hips in such as way as his pounding continued that Jarrod once again felt the searing flashes of pleasure when Josh’s cock hit that one spot inside. The sex was rough and brutal, nothing like the passionate lovemaking he’d experienced with Jack, but the pleasure continued to mount in Jarrod’s groin and through his body in spite of the pain until he came in a shuddering wave, the pulses of his climax ripping through him as Josh continued to fuck him ruthlessly. Then the other man moaned and stabbed into him even harder before he collapsed across Jarrod’s back.

“God, that was good,” he groaned. “You are one hell of a ride, Barkley. I hope you’ll be up for more of that.”

Jarrod wasn’t sure. The rush was exhilarating, but… “What if the other men find out?”

Josh gave a throaty chuckle as he refastened his pants. “And have them want a piece of that fine ass of yours? I’m keeping you all for myself.” He grabbed Jarrod’s arm warmly. “We’d better get back.”

Jarrod pulled up his own pants and followed more slowly. Josh’s harsh treatment had left him incredibly sore, but the intensity of the orgasm the rough sex had given him was intoxicating. The brutality matched that of the conflict they were in, but it was designed to give pleasure, not bring death, and Jarrod found himself yearning for the opportunity to have it to happen again.


	8. Chapter 8

_Several years later…_

 

“Dammit, Jarrod!” Tom Barkley slammed his fist down on the desk in front of his oldest son. Years of not wanting to show weakness in front of the man who already thought him weak no matter how hard he tried helped Jarrod not to flinch. Instead, he just pretended to concentrate on the papers in front of him as Tom’s tirade continued. “While you were up in that hick town, defending some no-good rustler, Jordan managed to get a judge to back his actions! You’re a part of this family, boy, a Barkley, and our interests come first!”

“Mr. Lawson was wrongly accused, Father,” Jarrod said, not looking up. He was proud of how steady his voice was. “What was I going to do, stand aside and let them hang him, leave his wife and little girl all alone?”

“You could stand up and be a man, Jarrod!” Tom paced furiously across the room and turned to glare at his son. “This is what I get for giving in to your mother and letting you stay inside with your nose in a book instead of out there, working the ranch! Our ranch!”

Jarrod gritted his teeth. He hadn’t started to ‘stay inside with his nose in a book’ of his own free will. His father seemed to forget that his son had wanted to get back on the ranch, but it was Tom who had driven him away.

The senior Barkley stormed back over to lean across the desk. “You should have been out there, protecting your family’s land! What’s one more low-life dirt grubber compared to standing up for your rights?!”

Jarrod’s temper started to boil. Could his father really have forgotten that they were once the same as that low-life dirt grubber? Had the power and prestige of being Tom Barkley wiped away the memory of the hours of backbreaking labour when they were starting out, trying to make something of this land? Jarrod remembered. He remembered hoeing the soil as a small boy so they could grow enough to eat, pulling weeds until his back ached, going to bed tired and hungry with little to show for the hard work while Tom was out wheeling and dealing for the most profit. He met his father’s stare with an icy blue one of his own.

“I was standing up for my rights, Father,” he said hotly. “Mine as well as my client’s.”

“I am head of this family, Jarrod, and you are living under my roof,” Tom snarled. “So you just need to…”

Jarrod couldn’t take any more. He surged to his feet and met his father face to face. “I need to what? I’m not one of your lackeys; I’m my own man! I worked hard to get where I am without touching a cent of your money and I’ll be damned if I let you dictate my life! And if living under your roof means taking your orders…” Jarrod snagged his papers from the desk. “Well, that’s easy enough to fix.”

Tom grabbed Jarrod’s arm and stopped him from leaving the room. “We’re not done with this,” he warned. “I’ve to got meet with some of our neighbours to see if we can’t stop Jordan, but we’ll finish this when I get back.”

Jarrod pulled out of his father’s grip and walked out, not looking back. He went up to his room, closed the door and locked it for good measure.

Tom’s words echoed in his head. _You could stand up and be a man, Jarrod!_ He rubbed his bruised ribs, what was left over from the beating he took up in Pinewood when he had to defend his client with his fists. He’d given as good as he got and prevented those men from lynching an innocent man before he could even have a trial. If that wasn’t standing up and being a man, then he wasn’t sure what was. But it would never be good enough in his father’s eyes, not unless he gave up his law practice and joined Nick in helping run the ranch.

 _Be true to yourself._ Jarrod remembered overhearing Tom say that to Nick when Nick was criticized for turning good grazing land into orchards. Obviously, those words only applied when being true to one’s self meant doing what the great Tom Barkley wanted. Jarrod sighed. How could he really be true to himself anyway, when he had to hide and deny his true desires and feelings?

Jarrod pulled his suitcase out from under the bed, remembering when he’d made the decision to come home. The war had been long and gruelling, with only infrequent letters from his mother making it through. He and Josh had continued their illicit involvement until both men were promoted, Josh to command of a company of his own and Jarrod to the War Department in Washington. They never did develop a close emotional bond, but the horrors of war had made the harsh sex an essential outlet for both men.

The young lawyer was concerned when he learned his younger brother had enlisted as well and was relieved when he saw Nick’s name on a list of those mustered out at the conflict’s end. He was heartsick after all he’d seen and the court martial of his friend Matt only made it worse.

Jarrod started to pack his things as the bitter memory came back.

Julia Saxon, beautiful, talented and a spy for the South, set her sights on the handsome young attorney and when Jarrod rejected her advances, she turned instead to Matt Parker. He’d fallen for her wiles and unwittingly passed on sensitive information only to be charged with treason. Jarrod knew if it wasn’t for his attraction to men, he would have fallen for the sultry temptress and she never would have ensnared Matt. He didn’t consider that he would likely have been the one court martialed and he might have been the one ‘accidentally’ killed while cleaning his gun.

In the aftermath of the court martial, Jarrod received a letter from Nick. His brother sounded as sickened by war as he was and Jarrod couldn’t resist his plea to return with him to Stockton, hoping that his distinguished service and commendations would soften his father’s attitude.

But that wasn’t to be. He could have worked in his choice of firms back east and his devotion to the law would have been lauded. Instead, he only found scorn and derision from his father for his choices, a rancher brother who tried to understand why he would rather be in a courtroom than out on the range, a little sister who was in tears when her idolized father yelled at her brother and his mother saddened from being caught in the middle.

He couldn’t live under the same roof as his father any more, that had been made abundantly clear. His mother would be heartbroken again and Jarrod hated to do that to her, but he did have to try and be true to his beliefs. The valley’s fight with the railroad was important, but so was a man’s life. He could finally devote all his time to the matter at hand now that the trial was over but he still wasn’t going to give in.

Jarrod took his time gathering up his things. He wasn’t looking forward to telling his mother he was leaving, but knew he had to explain before he left. Jarrod snapped the suitcase shut, put on his coat and picked up his hat before going downstairs.

“Jarrod, are you leaving again so soon?” Victoria asked when she met him in the foyer.

Jarrod opened his mouth to explain when the door burst open. “Mr. Jarrod, Mrs. Barkley, come quick,” the trembling ranch hand told them. Jarrod and Victoria exchanged worried glances and followed the man outside. A wagon was pulled up in front of the house and the ranch foreman moved to block their way.

“Mrs. Barkley, you don’t need to…”

She pushed past him and when saw what was lying on the wagon bed, she gasped and buried her head against her son’s chest. Jarrod held his mother tightly as he stared unbelieving at the body of his father. Blood soaked the front of his shirt and his face was pale and waxy in death. _At least someone closed his eyes,_ was Jarrod’s first thought.

“It was an ambush,” the foreman explained to the young man. “Your daddy was meeting with Jim Sample and a few others when the shooting started. It wasn’t anything other than cold-blooded murder, pure and simple. A few of us were close enough to the wagons, but the rest…” The man shook his head. “They never stood a chance.”

“What do you want us to do, Mr. Barkley?” the young hand asked respectfully.

“Take him upstairs to the first guest room,” Jarrod instructed before the man’s term of address truly sank in. Mr. Barkley. The title once reserved for his father had now been passed on to him. And Jarrod knew he didn’t deserve it. It was his fault his father was dead. If he had done what Tom wanted and concentrated on the fight with the railroad, this wouldn’t have happened. A stranger in Pinewood might have hung, but his father would still be here, alive. If he’d been the man his father wanted him to be…

Jarrod started shaking and quickly locked it down. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let himself fall apart. His mother needed him, his brother and sister would need him, the valley needed him. Unworthy as he was, it was his duty to step up into his father’s place.

But as he watched as the body of Tom Barkley was carried into the house, his heart cried out in anguish in spite of all the troubles they’d had between them. _I’m sorry, Father,_ it wailed, _I let you down. Oh, God, I’m so sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight canon change here. In "They Call Her Delilah", Julia leaves Jarrod instead.


	9. Chapter 9

Jarrod looked at the nondescript house on the outskirts of the city. Ever since his father’s death, he’d been trying to hold himself together. He managed an injunction against the railroad and it seemed as though the threat to the valley’s farmers had faded away, at least temporarily. He made his way through the jumble of papers and receipts that were the records his father kept for the family’s businesses and convinced investors and business partners that everything was in capable hands. He backed Nick in any decision his younger brother made with regards to the ranch without question, knowing Nick needed his unwavering support in running such a large operation. He stepped in as a father figure for his sister and gave his mother a strong shoulder to cry on.

But it was just a façade. It didn’t matter that he was torn apart inside over feeling responsible for his father’s death and the too-heavy burden placed on too-young shoulders, Jarrod had to act like he was in control, be the strong ruling voice of the family and unfaltering defender of his friends’ and neighbours’ rights. It was the hand that he’d been dealt and he had no choice but to play it out.

All that grief and insecurity, from knowing he’d let his father down by not becoming a rancher to the knowledge that the threat from the railroad was likely not gone forever, plus the guilt over his father’s death, had to have an outlet and that was how he had ended up here, and not for the first time. He hadn’t been with another man since returning from the war and when he’d overheard the hushed whispers about the establishment that catered to tastes best left unvoiced and charged accordingly for its clients’ discretion, his desires, guilt and shame wouldn’t let him rest.

He ended up naked, on his knees, legs spread and tied to the bench against the wall. A leather thong looped over a hook bound his hands together and stretched his arms over his head. Another leather strap was between his teeth, fastened firmly behind his head but not overly tight. A shiver of fear went up Jarrod’s spine, enough that he could feel the tightness in his stomach, but not enough to dampen his slowly growing arousal. He felt sick, but he wanted this; no, needed this.

He shuddered as a calloused hand ran across his back. It slid around to the front of his chest and pinched one of his nipples hard. Jarrod’s breath caught in an audible gasp and he was rewarded with a stinging slap on his exposed buttocks.

“No noise,” a soft but firm drawl advised, “or I’ll have to give you a sharper reprimand.”

Jarrod tried to keep quiet, but when the hand moved down his stomach, grabbed his balls and squeezed, he didn’t work very hard to stop the muffled whimper from escaping.

This time, the expected strike across his backside was administered by the leather of a riding crop. He gritted his teeth around the gag and closed his eyes when tears of pain leaked out as the blows rained down across his back, buttocks and thighs. He deserved this; he was deceiving all of those he knew and loved by pretending to be strong when he was truly shameful and pathetic.

Eventually the beating stopped and the hands moved and soothed the stinging welts. “I don’t really want to hurt you,” the voice told him, “but you do have to learn to behave. I know you can be a good boy.” That was what Jarrod craved along with the punishment; praise from someone who knew what he was rather than the hollow words of those who couldn’t see past his façade.

The hands continued their explorations, more gently this time. They massaged his buttocks and caressed his belly, sliding down to stroke the inside of his thighs. The fingers probing the crease between his muscular cheeks left and came back coated with some sort of cream or oil. Jarrod almost gasped as one delved into his tight hole but held himself in check this time. The other hand began playing with his balls, lightly at first and then growing rougher as the finger in his ass pressed deeper. Jarrod began to shake as he worked to suppress his reaction when the finger hit that spot that sent a flash of lightning through his body. The other hand left his balls and began pumping his cock to the same rhythm as the finger pumped his ass and Jarrod wondered what sort of penalty would be meted out if he passed out from the strain of holding his breath.

Then the finger left him, the hand on his organ stilled and Jarrod tried to sag in relief. He couldn’t; he couldn’t really move trussed and suspended like he was. The physical reality matched the emotional; his body was open and naked and vulnerable just like he was on the inside.

Suddenly, something hard and hot pushed into him. He heard a low grunt and felt the slamming of a pelvis against his backside as the cock was forced up his ass as far as it could go. This time, the whimper did escape and his own engorged member was grabbed painfully.

“Just for that, you’re not allowed to cum until I say so,” the voice drawled. “But feel free to scream now if you need to.” Jarrod cried through the gag at the searing pain of teeth biting hard into his shoulder and the brutal pounding of the powerful sex in his ass. The hand pumped Jarrod’s cock ruthlessly, alternating between hard strokes and the agonizing squeeze at the base to prevent his release.

Jarrod was overwhelmed. He couldn’t do anything but take it; his body was being used solely for another’s pleasure. He wasn’t responsible for anything or anyone, not even himself; control had been completely stripped from him and the realization of that reality was incredible.

The thrusting became more intense, short sharp jabs that Jarrod thought would split him in two before the other’s cock was plunged in even harder amid grunts of pleasure.

The words “You don’t have my permission,” were whispered in his ear as the hand squeezed down harder on Jarrod’s throbbing manhood while the cock was withdrawn from his ass

The hand released him to slide again between his buttocks. “Everyone’s not done with you yet.”

His hands were unhooked from the wall and Jarrod’s shoulders cried in protest at the movement. They were unbound only long enough to be dragged behind his back and tied again firmly. Strong arms reached around to grab him and the bench and pulled them both away from the wall before Jarrod felt the leather gag removed.

“He’s all yours.”

A pair of legs came into view and Jarrod almost panicked at the size of the phallus jutting out from between them. His hair was grabbed and his head tilted up as the man’s hand grasped the enormous member to force it between Jarrod’s lips. It rammed down his throat; he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even gag and wondered if he was going to choke. It pulled out enough to allow him some air and he sensed someone come up behind him. His hole was still slick and stretched from its first reaming and the new cock plunged in effortlessly as the first massive organ was thrust back into his mouth. Hands gripped his hips and the back of his head as he was fucked ruthlessly from both sides. The intensity increased and Jarrod felt his own flesh grow hard in response.

Oh, god, he was sick to get off on this, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t admit he felt like he was everyone’s plaything in his day-to-day life, always there for others and no one there for him. Here he didn’t have to hide it and his cock swelled painfully as he wanted that little bit of ecstasy for himself. He only hoped they wouldn’t ultimately deny him, just like he couldn’t deny them the carnal pleasure he could feel let go up his ass. The cock pulled out of his mouth just as he felt it grow for its impending climax and hot, milky strands splashed across his face.

“You just look so pretty wearing that,” a gruff voice said as his own organ was grabbed and jerked off hard. “That’s it, cum for me now, little whore.” Jarrod winced at being called a whore, but really, he was no better than one. He felt the burn of impending release gather and his consciousness exploded along with the hot fluid that burst from his cock. He shuddered and gasped as his penis pulsed and expelled stream after stream that coated his belly. A hand swiped across his face and gathered up the cum that had been spewed there before the fingers were thrust in his mouth. “Now lick them clean.”

Jarrod did his best to do as he was told while the pulses of his orgasm continued to rip through him. The calloused hand from the beginning came back to run through his hair when he was done and grip the back of his neck comfortingly. “You did good,” the soft drawl told him. “Hope you got what you needed.”

Jarrod nodded wordlessly as his hands and legs were released. He didn’t look up, just stayed where he was with his head bowed over the bench, the warm feeling from the praise being overpowered by the shame for his weakness that finally hit him.

“There’s a hot bath waiting for you in the corner.” The hand swiped at his head again in an affectionate parting gesture and Jarrod heard the others leave the room. He shakily got to his feet and made his slow way across to the steaming tub. Every movement hurt as he lowered himself into the hot water and his mind screamed that he was tainted, he was perverted, that he wasn’t any kind of man. Jarrod proceeded to try to scrub the shame from his body even though he knew he’d back and that he didn’t deserve anything better.


	10. Chapter 10

The shadows were growing long and Jarrod could barely make out the hulk of the dead steer. He listened and watched, but the only noise was the slight crack of a stick when his companion shifted.

“Nick, you really think that bear’s going to come if it knows we’re here?” he scolded in a low voice.

“Ah,” said Nick dismissively. “A bear that’s been getting in as close as this one to kill our cattle ain’t gonna be worried by us. He ain’t had a chance to find out how good of a shot we are.”

Jarrod couldn’t help but agree and settled into a more comfortable position. It could be hours before the marauding animal showed up, if it even showed up at all.

“Thanks for coming out here with me, Jarrod,” Nick said after a few minutes.

“A rogue bear isn’t anything to take lightly and I know you’ve been shorthanded,” Jarrod responded.

Nick continued to stare into the deepening gloom. “Yeah, but I know you’ve been busy, getting a handle on all the other parts of Father’s business interests. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tired you are when you come home from a week in ‘Frisco or that the lamps in the library are burning way past when they should.” Nick reached out and lightly cuffed Jarrod on the shoulder. “You need to take care of yourself, Pappy. I couldn’t run this place without you and that’s a fact.”

Jarrod felt a warm glow at Nick’s statement. “Thanks, Nick,” he replied quietly. Then his insides twisted as he wondered if Nick would be so accepting if he found out his brother’s depravities. Nick was a strong man, one everyone was starting to regard with the same respect the Valley had given their father and Jarrod knew how horrified and ashamed a true man like Nick would feel if he found out his secret desires.

Nick sensed that there was something up with his big brother. Jarrod hadn’t been quite the same since their father’s death. They had missed out on too many years while Jarrod was studying law and during the War, but there had always been an unshakable bond between the two of them that time and distance hadn’t changed.

Thinking further, Nick realized Jarrod hadn’t had much of a reaction to their father’s death. Nick had gotten drunk about a week after the funeral, finally letting his anger and heartache surface, but Jarrod only calmly bailed him out of jail and listened with a supportive ear as Nick vented his grief on the ride home. He couldn’t recall a time that Jarrod had given any visible show of how Tom’s death had affected him and felt a deep sense of guilt. They were all taking advantage of how easily it seemed Jarrod had stepped into the role of head of the family and Nick wondered if they had ever given Jarrod a chance to show his own feelings.

“Y’know, with the fights you and Father were having, I was kinda surprised you came home after that case you had in Pinewood,” he said in an attempt to broach the subject.

“I was packed to leave the afternoon he was shot,” came the quiet response.

Nick looked over to see Jarrod staring off into the distance. “Y’know, it’s okay if you’re not sure how to feel. I mean, you and Father weren’t exactly on good terms.”

Jarrod sighed. “But he was still my father, Nick. If I had only…” Jarrod cut off what he was going to say and shook his head.

Nick gripped Jarrod’s shoulder firmly. “You did what you needed to do, Jarrod. Father always told me a man needs to stand up for what he believes in. All you did was follow his advice, he was just too stubborn and pig-headed to see it. If Father would’ve listened to you and gone by the law, he’d still be alive. And you know I’ll always be here for you if you need me, just like you’ve stood by me.”

Jarrod reached up to clasp Nick’s hand. “Thanks,” he said again.

Suddenly, a large shape loomed out of the darkness and headed towards the dead steer. Both men raised their rifles and both guns echoed simultaneously. The shape fell heavily and didn’t move.

Jarrod and Nick slowly rose from their hiding spot and cautiously walked over to the dead beast. The brown hulk had to weigh at least 900 pounds

Nick whistled, even as he felt a pang of regret for the death of such a magnificent animal. “That’s one big bear. Reckon that hide would make a great a rug in your office, counsellor.”

“As long as you put the head in the library,” Jarrod countered. “A noble beast like that should be remembered. It probably took both our shots to take him down.” The waste of that life saddened him, necessary as it was. On one hand, the ferocious animal had been a threatening presence. Cattle were the backbone of the Valley and one never knew when killing livestock would turn into killing people. On the other hand, the bear's power and tenacity had to be admired. Jarrod couldn’t help but see a similarity between the bear and his father. Everything came to an end at some point, he thought, no matter how great. Power didn’t make one invincible or even respected. The power of a bear taking down a stag could be admired, but if it killed a bull it was reviled. A man was looked up to for standing his ground in the face of an adversary, but that same iron-will could be used to intimidate someone thought of as weaker. “C’mon, Nick,” he said, wondering if he’d ever be deserving of the respect bestowed on his father, his brother, or even a feared grizzly. “Let’s head home and grab a wagon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last California golden bear (Ursus arctos californicus) was reportedly shot in 1922. More information on California’s state animal can be found at http://www.netstate.com/states/symb/animals/ca_grizzly_bear.htm


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters contain scenes taken straight out of the series pilot ‘Palms of Glory’, with the exception of no Eugene. I haven’t written in all the scenes from the episode and I know all of you aren’t rabid BV fans like I am, but I hope you can follow even if you’re not familiar.

The blond cowboy urged his mount through the impressive iron gate. He hadn’t planned on asking for a job at his father’s family’s ranch, but when he’d been practically offered a place by the girl who turned out to be his half-sister, he decided to give it a shot and see what happened. He certainly wouldn’t be any worse off than if he just rode away.

He gave a small smile as he recognized the first of the two men who came out of the house as the cowboy he’d sparred with on the bridge. He carefully held that expression when he recognized the second man as well.

“Small world, ain't it?” he said, not giving an indication that the comment was made for both men.

The tall cowboy returned the smile. “Something for you?”

“Mr. Barkley, if you know where I can find him,” the blond replied.

“Take your choice.” The cowboy gestured to the other man as well.

The blond looked for any sign of recognition on the face of the man in the expensively tailored suit and wasn’t sure if he was pleased or not to find nothing. “Well, I was told Nick does the hiring.”

“Of what?” The question was asked with a hint of suspicion. The man in the suit remained silent.

He shifted to lean on the front of his saddle. “Well, line boss, hay waddy, hasher, cow prod, jingler. You name it. I've done it. "

“What's your name?” the well-dressed man asked. He exuded a slightly surprising air of confidence and poise along with a sudden hint of recognition.

“Heath,” the blond cowboy replied warily.

A smile came on to the man’s face. “I was on that train this afternoon. Quite a race.”

Heath felt a justifiable pride in his mount and his abilities as a horseman. Beating that train had required nerves of steel and the ultimate trust of his sturdy black Modoc. “No contest,” he replied modestly. “Not the way those cabbage stacks come off a turn.”

The cowboy from the bridge, likely Nick, still sported a distrustful expression. “Where’re you from?”

“West of the divide,” Heath answered evasively.

“How west?”

Heath raised his chin defiantly at the questioning. “Pretty much all over.”

“Last place you worked?”

“Corning,” he answered curtly.

“Sign him on, Nick,” the other Barkley said suddenly. Heath looked over to see those blue eyes giving him a serious appraisal and a shiver went up his spine.

“To what?” Nick demanded in an aggravated tone. “We're full.”

The blue gaze was steady and Heath met it with his own. “Well, he did me a little favour this afternoon,” the suave gentleman said with a quick wink to his brother. “Sign him on.” Heath watched as he turned and strode back into the house.

He looked back as Nick spoke up. The dark rancher had a wary smile on his face. “Take your gear over to the bunkhouse, see McNally. Tell him to sign you on.”

Heath tipped his hat and turned his Modoc in the direction of the ranch buildings. It didn’t take long for the ranch foreman to find him a bunk and a few chores to do around the yard. The work kept Heath’s mind busy and he didn’t have a chance to dwell on the day’s events until everyone was bedded down for the night.

He stared at the ceiling and thought about the revelations of the day. When he made the decision to come to Stockton, he didn’t have a clear plan in mind. He hadn’t been sure if he was just going to see what could have been his or if he was going to reveal that he was Tom Barkley’s son from the wrong side of the sheets and demand a piece of what he was entitled to. When he saw that train in decision, a wild, reckless streak surfaced that he rarely indulged. He’d raced the great iron horse on the flesh and blood mount he was so proud of and had only made the crossing by not much more than the length of the mare’s tail. Followed up by a test of wills with a dark-haired rancher, his brother Nick, on the narrow suspension bridge, an unexpected swim and being attacked by a blonde wildcat with a leather riding crop at his father’s grave had made for quite a day.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he met his father’s family, but he didn’t think it was this. To find one of his brothers, the man in charge of the ranch, to be someone with a sense of humour he could appreciate and the obvious respect of his men, was a pleasant discovery. He got the impression that he and Nick were alike in all the ways that mattered and there was a good chance they could become fast friends if Nick could get around the fact that Heath was his father’s bastard.

Heath smiled as he thought of his encounter with Audra at their father’s grave. His little sister was quite the spitfire and the way she wielded that little whip had surely been a sight to behold. He liked his women curvy and full of fire and was glad she’d told him she was Tom Barkley’s daughter when she had or he was sure he would have kissed her, at least for starters.

Then his thoughts wandered to the other Barkley brother. Heath hadn’t been given his name, but it was obvious the distinguished man in the grey suit was the eldest, Jarrod. He’d heard stories about the lawyer, how he was ruthless in defending his family and upholding the law and how he was likely one of the fairest minded men on the west coast. It was said that creed, race or background made no difference to the man; he would defend or prosecute based on facts and circumstance rather than preconceived ideas. He thought of the appraising look Jarrod had given him, of his poise and self-assurance and contrasted that to what else he knew of his oldest brother the respected attorney.

A hand suddenly covered his mouth with a strong grip.

“Get dressed,” said a low voice. Heath looked into angry hazel eyes. The hand slowly released him and Heath sat up, never breaking his stare. Nick handed him his shirt and Heath took it wordlessly. He shrugged into it as he led the way out of the bunkhouse and into the neighboring barn.

“All right. Let's hear it,” the dark man growled.

Heath continued to button his shirt. “Well, you just name the tune, and I'll try to hum it,” he said nonchalantly. He took in Nick’s defiant posture, the hands braced firmly on his hips and the hard set of his jaw and managed to keep from chuckling. Nick reminded him the old banty rooster his mama’s friend Hannah had roaming around her place when he was a kid.

“Corning,” Nick snapped.

Heath started to roll up his sleeves. “Nice town.”

Nick was growing more impatient. “Last place you worked?”

“That's right.” Heath continued to be unruffled. He wondered what kind of poker player the ranch boss was.

“That's a hundred miles from here!”

“So?”

To Nick’s credit, he reined in his obvious exasperation with Heath’s uninformative answers. “You usually travel a hundred miles between jobs, with a dozen likely spreads on the way, huh?” This time Heath didn’t answer. “I asked you a question, boy.”

Heath gave Nick a steady look and walked away. Nick grabbed his arm as he walked past, spun him around and delivered a solid blow to the blond’s face, sending him into the wall.

“Ah, you're no more a trail hand than a Modoc,” Nick snarled. “All right. Let's hear it, boy, the truth. What are you doing here?”

Heath wasn’t about to take that kind of insult lying down. One fist and then the other connected neatly with Nick’s jaw as the taller man tried to grab him. He flew backwards over a table and Heath followed up by leaping on his opponent. They wrestled, each momentarily gaining advantage only to lose it again. Their conflict took them dangerously close to a horse’s hooves and the animal whinnied and shifted nervously. Nick managed to get on top and hauled Heath to his feet.

His questions were punctuated by solid hits with his fists. “Who sent you here, boy? The railroad? Crown? Jordan? They sent you, didn't they?”

Heath steadied himself, reaching back to feel against the wall. Nick Barkley sure packed a punch. “No man sends me anywhere,” he said as he hurled the heavy collar at Nick and followed up with more blows. Nick tumbled back over the half wall of a stall and Heath wrapped his arms around Nick’s neck. But he overbalanced and Nick was able to pull him over. The battle continued until Heath finally collapsed against the saddle rack. He wasn’t going to prove anything by beating or getting beaten to a bloody pulp.

“Who then?” Nick asked, breathing heavily as he loomed over Heath. “Who are you? I want to hear.”

Heath picked himself slowly off the floor.

“I said, who are you?” Nick repeated.

Nick wanted to hear, did he? Heath decided to lay all his cards on the table.

“Your father's bastard son.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Jarrod!”

Jarrod looked up from the injunction he was preparing to file to keep the railroad from taking his neighbours’ land and walked to his door. He didn’t really feel like dealing with one of Nick’s tirades, but knew Nick would keep hollering until he arrived.

“Jarrod, get down here!” the voice yelled again and Jarrod broke into a run as he heard an edge to his brother’s voice that was seldom there.

“Nick, what in the name of...” he started as he entered the library and whirled at the sound of breaking glass to find the blond cowhand from earlier menacing him with a broken bottle. Jarrod’s heart started to pound wildly.

“Now I've had me a day,” said the blond, Heath, Jarrod remembered he’d said his name was. To Jarrod it looked like he was confronting a crouching mountain lion and wondered what had set the other man off. “A fight and dunked in a stream and near killed by a train. Now this one's gonna be peaceful, you hear?” There was another tense moment. Jarrod eased up his defensive posture first, followed by Nick and then Heath.

“So this is what it is,” Heath commented as he wandered across the room. “Well, I wondered.” He gestured at the portrait hanging above the fireplace with the broken bottle. “The old stud himself.”

Jarrod held Nick back with a firm grip on his arm. There was something about the blond that set Jarrod’s nerves on edge, something about him that made Jarrod want to get down on his knees and bare his throat in submission. But he held his ground as Heath continued.

“Boy howdy, don't he look proper. You know, I bet they buried him in those clothes, with his buttons all shined and his hair all spit and slickered, and a rose in his teeth, and the honeybees buzzin'.” Heath’s voice practically dripped with scorn and Jarrod wondered where he’d heard it before.

Nick lunged for him again. “Oh, now that's all...”

Jarrod held onto his volatile brother again.

Heath tossed the bottle on the ground as he paced back across the room. “I'll bet a band played, and there was singin' and wailin' and ever so good a time, and some parson readin’.” He turned back and looked coldly at the two brothers. “They buried my mama. But it wasn't in refinement, and no thousand people weeped over her grave. In a potter's field, like she was nothin', human or flesh.”

Jarrod saw the resentment in the younger man’s eyes. His mama probably deserved those honours more than Tom Barkley did and Jarrod again had the uneasy sensation he and Heath had some sort of connection.

Heath continued with his smouldering rage. “The night I was born, she was alone, in a tent, in a rotten rathole of a mining camp up the Stanislaus.” Jarrod kept his hands on his hips as he realized where the tale was going. “And the rain beat down and turned the straw to mud. Do you know what she was? She was warm, and gentle and fair, and left to her own when her husband got liquored up and drowned in some stinking creek. Until he came.” Heath’s eyes flickered back to the portrait.

Jarrod knew exactly what Heath was implying and felt the disgust rise in his gut. In spite of the guilt he still felt over his father’s death, he wished he wasn’t of Tom Barkley’s seed. “How long ago was this?

“Twenty-four years.”

“Where?” the lawyer asked

Heath stood his ground. “In a mining camp.”

“You told us that,” Nick said abruptly from his position on the other side of the room.

Twenty-four years. Jarrod remembered a time about that long ago when his father had been gone for a long while. “What mining camp?”

“Strawberry,” was the succinct reply.

Jarrod didn’t move as Nick strode forward. “Come on. You know there was a lot of men in those camps. You know the kind of women…”

“Nick!” Jarrod snapped. It wasn’t the kind of women; it was the kind of man their father had been.

“There was only one of my mother!” Heath replied hotly.

“Just the simple, sweet, innocent little...” Nick scoffed and Jarrod broke in again. He walked up to confront Heath.

“What my brother is clumsily trying to determine,” he said as though cross-examining a witness, “is when you came to hear.”

In spite of his battered face, Heath stood strong and Jarrod could tell the other man still knew he was in control. “A month ago.”

Nick turned his back. “Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.”

Jarrod continued his questioning. “What happened a month ago?”

“My mother died.”

“Confessions from a deathbed,” Nick commented derisively.

Jarrod finally snapped, “Nick, that'll be enough!” He didn’t know if his brother knew about their father’s straying outside his marriage but was fed up with Nick’s attitude. He turned back to Heath. “Well?” He knew it was possible, even probable, but Heath still had to prove his claim.

Heath picked up his glass of whiskey and turned away from them. “I'd been up on the Klamath. They called for me. Said she was sick, was dyin'. She never talked about it, who my father was, not in all those years.” Suddenly, Jarrod knew where he’d heard that soft drawl before. The house in San Francisco and the voice telling him he had to behave. His stomach clenched in fear as he wondered if it was only going to be his father’s secrets exposed that night.

“There was something she wanted me to know,” Heath continued, “something she couldn't take to her grave. There was a Bible in a box, and she told me to get it. She said, ‘Turn to the back, to the last page.’ I started to, and this fell out.” Heath took a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and Jarrod recognized it as a newspaper clipping. “I picked it up, I read it. And I looked at her… and she was gone.” He turned and held out the paper towards Jarrod. Jarrod gathered his courage and moved to take it. He instantly recognized the headline and the copy of the portrait that hung on the wall. He passed it to Nick.

“This it?” the rancher asked. “All of it? Just one piece of paper?”

“He was my father,” Heath said defiantly.

Nick folded up the paper and tucked it back into Heath’s pocket. “All right, boy…”

“You don't believe me,” Heath accused. “You're not dumpin' me the way he dumped her.”

“Keep your voice down!” Nick shouted and Jarrod had to smile a bit at the incongruity of the statement and the volume with which it was uttered.

Jarrod knew he was taking a great personal risk, denying the claim of one who knew too many of his secrets, but he had to try and protect his family. “You put together a touching story,” the attorney said. “Not convincing, but touching.” He met the blue eyes of the man who had the ability to hold such power over him as he pulled a stack of bills from his pocket. “However, considering whom it might hurt, even though it is a lie, I'm willing to pay. Three hundred, four hundred, what'll you take?” He made sure to take on the demeanour of a man who couldn’t be touched.

Heath met his gaze coolly. “What I'm entitled to. A name, a heritage, a part of it all. What's mine.”

Nick snatched the money out of Jarrod’s hand. “All right, boy. Now you listen to me.” He stuffed the money in Heath's shirt pocket. “I want you out of this house, off this place and out of this valley. And know this. If I ever lay eyes on you again, I'm gonna finish what I started tonight.”

Heath stared at Nick. Without breaking eye contact, he took the money out of his pocket and put it into his whiskey glass. Setting the glass on the table, he turned and gave Jarrod a brief glance before walking to the door. As he left, he gave the two men a mocking wave and the flash of a grin before he strode across the parlour and out the front door.

“Can you believe that?” Nick snarled as the door shut behind him. “Of all the nerve…”

“I need to go finish that injunction,” Jarrod said bluntly. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.” Jarrod left before Nick could protest and retreated to his room. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the cabinet where he kept his favourite scotch. With shaky hands, he poured himself a full glass and downed it in one swallow. Not withstanding the fact that he was their father’s illegitimate son and all the troubles that revelation could bring, Heath was one of the men he’d let use and dominate him back in San Francisco.

Jarrod poured himself another measure of scotch. What the devil was he going to do? Heath had turned down the money, but Jarrod didn’t know the other man’s motivations. Was he really not interested in a payoff? Was he holding out for more? Or was he just so enraged at their father that he wanted to bring down the family at whatever the cost? Jarrod didn’t really think the last was the case, though. In their times together, he’d felt a compassion in Heath, even though he hadn’t ever seen his face. Jarrod considered himself a shrewd judge of people and didn’t think he was wrong this time. But it bothered him just the same and he stared at the words on the document in front of him without really seeing them.

He was jolted from his reverie by another of Nick’s shouts. Wondering what it could be that time, he went downstairs to find his brother buckling on his gunbelt.

“Fire at Swenson’s,” the rancher said curtly. “I’m heading off to help.”

Jarrod cringed inwardly. The violence had already started. “Saddle my horse,” he told Nick, “I’ll be right there.”

*

The scene was chaos when the brothers arrived. Most of the buildings had already burned to the ground and men with buckets were trying to extinguish the last of the flames. Jarrod saw Sig Swenson hurl his bucket in anger as the chimney of the house crumbled. He saw Heath ride up with Audra and wondered briefly at her torn dress. But he dismissed his concerns about his sister with the unshakable knowledge that Heath would never hurt an innocent. He noticed their mother drive up in a buggy before he turned his attention to their friend and neighbour.

”They came,” Swenson said as Nick grabbed his arm and Jarrod walked over slowly after staring at the devastation, “just came. With guns and torches, howling out like wolves. And I just stood there, aside, and watched them do it.” He hung his head in despair.

“Well, not my place.” Frank Sample strode up, determination in every step. “And hanged I’ll be after paying for what I own.” He took something out of his pocket and waved it in front of Jarrod. “I have a paper here that says I’ll have to do just that.” He walked over to Nick, then to the sheriff who had arrived with Heath and Audra. “By 8 o’clock in the morning, or have my place took out from under me. Well, I ain’t, you hear?” There was a thick silence, them Sample held the paper aloft. “I ain’t! Who stands with me?”

In the shadows, Heath remained mounted.

Sheriff Lyman looked sternly at Nick who had moved to stand beside Sample. “No one stands with you, Frank. I’m sorry, but legally after tomorrow the land’s no longer yours.”

Sample lowered his hand slowly. “Nick,” he said, almost desperately and then walked to Jarrod. “Jarrod. Listen. Two years ago, your daddy and mine fought and died for this, cause your daddy said it was right to fight.”

“And what did it gain you?” Sheriff Lyman shouted. “Any one of you?” He turned to Sample. “Your father…” and then to Jarrod, “and yours. Ten others, dead. Three years of false hope. I bow to no man in my regard for Tom Barkley, but he was only a man. He couldn’t fight a giant and win! Any more than can you!” He addressed Sample again. “Or you. Or any man.” He looked over the gathered crowd. “So worship him, and pray for him, but follow him… you follow a dead man to his grave.”

Sample looked from Nick to Jarrod. “That true? What he says? Your daddy gave us nothing? No way to fight?” The farmer bowed his head and walked away, defeated. “Never did.”

Everyone’s attention was on Frank Sample, who ripped the ultimatum from the railroad and threw it to the ground in despair. Everyone watched as Nick took a long look around, catching each of them in his piercing gaze, with a longer look at his brother before he walked over and stood beside Sample, arms crossed defiantly. Swenson went to stand on his neighbour’s other side.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jarrod saw Heath turn his horse’s head and leave and suddenly felt the weight of devastation crush him.

He had failed. In spite of his belief and faith in the law, they were back to where they’d been when his father was gunned down.

Maybe if he had taken it to the courts the first time around, like his father wanted, instead of focusing on his client at the time… Jarrod felt the guilt settle heavier on his soul. If he had dropped that case to focus on the railroad issue, an innocent man would have likely hung, leaving his wife and small daughter alone. And if he had dropped it, his father might still be alive and none of this might be happening.

He looked up and met the eyes of his mother, eyes that had never held condemnation, only love, support and pride and wondered what her expression would show if she truly knew him.

Tom Barkley’s way had prevailed. It was fight or nothing and Jarrod gave up his struggle as he walked over to stand beside his brother and the rest of the valley farmers who had come to fight the fire moved in behind them.

“Harry, I’ve known you most of my life,” Jarrod said, his posture and expression implacable, “and respected you. Enough to be honest.”

“Any man who comes to try to take that farm, he’s going to be killed,” Nick finished for his brother.

The sheriff looked from one unyielding face to another and responded in kind. “I’m sorry to hear that, because I’m going to be with them.” He turned, mounted his horse and rode away, knowing nothing more could be said.

Jarrod listened to Nick and Frank Sample start to make plans and then walked over to his own horse.

“Jarrod!” Nick called after him and grabbed him by the arm. “Where the devil are you going?”

Jarrod tore his arm away and wondered if his brother could understand. “I need to think, Nick,” he said and was relieved to see some sort of understanding in the hazel eyes.

Nick nodded. “See you back at the house.” Jarrod clapped his brother on the back in gratitude before mounting his horse and riding off into the darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

Heath rode away from the mansion, mulling over the words spoken to him by his father’s wife.

 _Any son of my husband has a right to be proud. Live as he would live, fight as he would fight, and no one… no one can deny you his birthright._

He’d told his brothers that he wanted that birthright, and now it was seemingly being offered to him, he just had to decide if he was going to take it. He already knew Audra and Mrs. Barkley accepted him and from what he’d seen of his brothers, knew they were men he could respect. It wouldn’t be easy to be accepted as a Barkley along with Tom’s right-born sons, but then again, when had anything in his life ever been easy?

Then he saw the man in the distance, walking along the trail with the sorrel gelding following behind. He nudged his black cowpony into a fast walk and soon caught up.

“Where you heading?”

The blue eyes of his brother looked up at him and Heath saw him try to conceal the flash of anguish. It seemed it wasn’t easy to be an acknowledged son of Tom Barkley, either. “Nowhere in particular. You?”

“Nowhere in particular,” Heath answered back. He travelled silently alongside the man with whom he shared so many secrets for a few minutes and then Heath brought his horse to a stop. It never occurred to him to use what he knew of the lawyer to further his claim to part the Barkley fortune as he slid off the Modoc’s back to stand in front of Jarrod. He just knew this man he now knew as his brother was hurting and wanted to alleviate some of that hurt in the only way he knew how. “What do you need, Jarrod?” he asked. “Just tell me and I’ll give it to you.”

Heath saw Jarrod close his eyes tight and shake his head. He did know what it was that Jarrod needed and was afraid to ask for, even though he didn’t speak. “Come with me,” he told his brother and grabbed him by the arm to steer him into the trees at the side of the trail. He dropped the reins of both horses, ground-tying them before turning back to Jarrod. “Strip,” he ordered.

Jarrod hesitated before he obeyed and unbuttoned his shirt and pants with shaky fingers as Heath watched. He removed his boots to take off his pants the rest of the way and then stood in front of Heath, naked and vulnerable. Heath could see him trembling. “Wrap your arms around that tree.”

Jarrod did as he was told. Heath felt his member twitch when he saw Jarrod’s smooth, well-muscled backside presented to him, but he wasn’t about to do that with his brother, even though he’d slaked his own needs in that hot, tight ass more than once at the house in San Francisco without knowing who the dark-haired man was. He walked up behind Jarrod and felt the tension as he ran his hands across Jarrod’s broad shoulders. “If you need me to stop, just say so,” he whispered in Jarrod’s ear and caught the small nod.

Backing up a few steps, Heath unfastened his belt and pulled it free of his pants. He coiled it in his hand before striking it out to lick across Jarrod’s bare skin. He saw Jarrod flinch as the leather struck him between the shoulders, but the other man didn’t make a sound. Heath made the leather fly again and felt the familiar rush as it lashed out. It wasn’t about sex, or pain, or even the heady feeling of power, it was about the willingness of another person to let him do this, the trust that he would take care of every need. Heath felt humbled that Jarrod would put himself so utterly in his hands as the beating continued until Jarrod’s back, buttocks and thighs were criss-crossed with red welts. He was careful not to draw blood; Jarrod didn’t need that with the conflict that was sure to come with the morning.

At long last, he dropped the belt. Jarrod must have sensed it was done, because he slowly sank to his knees, even though he kept his chest against the tree. Heath knelt down beside him and pulled him close, offering his own body as support instead. He saw Jarrod’s cheeks were wet with tears and wrapped his arms around him. “Let it out, big brother,” he murmured. “I ain’t gonna let you go.”

Jarrod shook with great heaving sobs as he released the grief he’d been afraid to let out. He felt the warmth of Heath’s strong arms around him and knew a comfort in their strength that had been missing from his life for so long. Heath didn’t despise him, didn’t hate him for his secret shame. For the first time in a long while, Jarrod felt acceptance for what he was. He knew his family loved him, but feared they’d turn away if they ever found out his twisted desires. Heath hadn’t turned away, he was offering of himself even though they were virtual strangers in spite of what they’d shared and the tears Jarrod released onto Heath’s shoulder washed away some of the guilt to leave him with a small feeling of peace.

When the tears finally abated, Jarrod didn’t try to push away and Heath made no move to let him go.

“Why, Heath?” he asked softly.

Heath wasn’t really sure what Jarrod was asking, so decided to answer by letting his brother see a part of himself he didn’t often reveal. “I was in Carterson at the end of the war,” he began and felt Jarrod tense at the name of the notorious Confederate prison. “It was hell, but some of the men, they managed to find a little bit of peace in each other. Some of them just tried to use others as a means to feel more in control.” He smiled wryly at the memory. “One of them tried to use me, but I decided to turn the tables on him. Surprised both of us when we found out he preferred to be overpowered and I’d rather be the one in command.” He stroked the back of Jarrod’s neck. “Ain’t no shame in needing someone to take care of you from time to time, Jarrod, ‘specially since I reckon you’re usually the one who has to take care of everyone else, being the oldest and all.”

“Thanks, Heath,” Jarrod said softly. “I killed him, you know,” he said after a moment. “Our father. If I would have been paying attention to what the railroad was doing, I might have been able to stop it without a fight. Or if I’d been home, maybe I could have saved him, or at least died in his place.” The last words came out in a choked sob.

Heath tightened his grip. “And what about men who were killed in the war ‘cause my bullet missed and the enemy got off another shot?” he asked back. “Jarrod, we ain’t responsible for what others do. We’re only responsible to God and our own consciences. Sometimes, I ain’t even sure about the God part.” He continued to hold Jarrod close. “From all I’ve heard, you’re a good man, Jarrod, and one I’m proud to call my brother.”

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” was whispered, almost inaudibly.

“It don’t matter,” Heath said firmly and Jarrod let it rest.

They finally pulled apart by unspoken agreement and Heath helped Jarrod get dressed.

“I’m sorry for what happened tonight,” Jarrod told him as he tucked in his shirt. “I knew my father well enough that finding out he’d sired another son shouldn’t have been a surprise.” He caught Heath’s eyes with his. “I was wrong to try and buy you off.”

Heath gave him a lopsided smile. “Reckon my attitude didn’t help none.”

“You’re welcome to come back to the house,” Jarrod invited. “Don’t know what we’ll do about Nick and I don’t know how I’ll tell Mother, but…”

“Your mother already knows,” Heath broke in softly. “But I reckon I’m gonna head back to town. Got a few things to think over.”

Jarrod nodded and let Heath help him sit gingerly on his horse’s back. “If you ever need anything, I want you to know that you can always ask.”

Heath vaulted into his saddle. “Goes both ways, big brother,” he said with a grin before wheeling his horse around and galloping off to town, leaving Jarrod to make his own way back to the ranch.


	14. Chapter 14

Heath sat quietly as the debate raged around him. He’d made his decision by showing up to the fight at Sample’s, the rest was up to his father’s family. Victoria Barkley had already ordered him to move his things into the big house and when Nick found out, Heath was surprised the mansion was still standing after the explosion. Looking up, he saw his oldest brother regarding him with the same warm acceptance he had when he offered him the cigar after the shooting stopped. Heath returned the look with a wry grin and turned his attention back to his other brother’s tirade.

“Just like that, we pick up a brother. Is that what you're trying to tell me? Well, I ain’t buying it!” Nick’s arms were firmly crossed across his chest and Heath thought of the mule belonging an old miner he knew.

Jarrod snuffed out his cigar. “Not quite just like that.” Heath saw him glance at both his mother and sister before he went over to Nick. “I know it’s usually a majority vote in this family, but I’m not going to force you to accept him, Nick.” Heath was saddened by the words, but he could understand. Jarrod and Nick had been brothers all their lives and he was just a new-come interloper. But he got a surprise when Jarrod walked over and stood behind him.

“If you don’t think Heath is entitled to an equal part in the family holdings, so be it, I’m not going to fight with you,” Jarrod continued. “But he’s still one of Father’s children, my brother.” He gripped Heath’s shoulder. “He gets half of my share.” Jarrod walked over to sit behind the desk. He pulled out a piece of paper, dipped a pen in the ink and started writing.

Heath was stunned. “Jarrod, you don’t have to do that,” he protested. Jarrod looked up and his steady gaze caught Heath’s.

“Yes, I do, Heath,” he responded quietly and resumed writing.

Heath suddenly knew Jarrod’s offer had nothing to do with what had gone on between them. It wasn’t a way to buy his silence, it was just who he was, the innate fairness and integrity of the man Heath was proud to call ‘brother’ and he couldn’t belittle Jarrod’s generosity by refusing. “Thanks, big brother.” Jarrod looked up again and gave Heath a smile that warmed his heart.

Victoria spoke up. “Heath is right, Jarrod. You don’t have to do that.” She looked meaningfully at her more volatile son. “Does he, Nick?”

Nick’s stance softened a bit. “No, I guess he doesn’t,” he conceded. “But if that boy's a Barkley, he has a job to learn.” Nick pointed an accusing finger at Heath. “And I'm gonna make sure you know what it is. This is a working ranch and you pull your own weight. And that means up in the morning, every morning, with the rest of the crowd at five o'clock and sweat! Just let you come to me just one time with a dry shirt on your back…”

“Boy howdy, Nick, you’d think I don’t know what it is to work for a living,” Heath cut him off. “I reckon there’s a mile of fences to be fixed and more than one patch of mesquite to clear that's just begging for fire. And that bridge has got to be fixed before my Modoc breaks a leg, which I don't cotton to happen.” He got to his feet. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d best get some shut-eye. Four-thirty comes awful early. Audra, ma’am,” he said with a nod to the ladies.

“Good night, Heath,” both Victoria and Audra said and Jarrod added, “Sleep well, Heath.” Nick just stood and glowered a moment before a slight grin came to his lips.

“If you ain’t up, I’m dragging you out of that bed,” he warned and Heath just gave him a cocky two-fingered wave as he left the room.

Victoria also rose to her feet. “I’m going to go up as well. It’s been a long day.” She kissed Nick then Jarrod on the cheeks. “Good night, dears. Don’t stay up too late.”

“Night, Mother.”

“Goodnight, Mother.”

Victoria turned to her daughter. “Are you coming, Audra?”

“Yes.” Audra stood up and gave both her brothers a kiss and a hug as well. “See you in the morning.”

Once they were alone, Nick went over to the cabinet and poured himself a drink. “Scotch, Jarrod?” When he didn’t get an answer, he looked over to the desk. Jarrod had his chin in his hands and was staring at nothing. Nick poured a tumbler of his brother’s favourite libation and set it in front of him.

Jarrod looked up. “What was that, Nick?”

Nick took a drink and perched on the edge of the desk. “So, what now?”

Jarrod leaned back in his chair. “I go into town in the morning and draw up the necessary documents and you let the men know there’s another boss on this ranch.”

Nick snorted. “I was talking about the railroad. I’ll handle the men.”

Shrugging defeatedly, Jarrod said, “I don’t know, Nick. Yours and Father’s way seems to be the only one that has any results.” He sighed. “I just feel so useless.”

“Jarrod, you’re the only one who can keep this from happening again,” Nick told him firmly. “There’s always going to be more guns and more money to hire them. This has got to be stopped for good. The only way to do that is through the law and you’re the best damned lawyer I know.”

Jarrod smiled a little. “I suppose since the governor vetoed my bill, the next thing to do is take our case to Washington. Judge Harkins is in San Francisco. He might be able to point me towards the right people.”

“Harkins,” Nick mused. “Isn’t he the one you read law with?”

Jarrod smiled a little at the memory. “Yep. Grant just appointed him to the Supreme Court. Maybe he can help us.”

Nick took a swallow of his whiskey. “Well, I’ll hold down the fort while you charm the movers and shakers in the capitol.”

“With Heath’s help,” Jarrod reminded him.

That statement made Nick drain his glass in one gulp. “You really believe that story of his, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Jarrod said simply. “And so do you, unless you actually believe our father was a saint.”

Nick looked down into his empty glass. “Reckon I just don’t want to admit I know he wasn’t,” he replied softly.

Jarrod got up from the desk and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nick.”

“You got nothing to be sorry for, Pappy,” Nick assured him. “You’re the one who’s always held everything together and you’ve never done anything to disappoint me.”

Not that you know of, at least, was Jarrod’s thought as Nick put the glass on the desk.

“I should head up, too. Don’t you stay up too late. You need your rest for that arm to heal.” Nick started to leave and then turned back to give Jarrod a fierce hug. “Don’t know what I’d have done if that bullet had got you somewhere else.”

Jarrod returned the embrace. “And I don’t know what I’d have done if one found you,” he echoed.

Nick gave Jarrod a clap on the back and left as Jarrod sat back behind the desk to start preparing for the next engagement in the Valley’s war against the Coastal and Western Railroad.


	15. Chapter 15

Jarrod smiled politely, wondering again why he’d let Judge Harkins talk him into escorting his niece to the theatre. Actually, he did know why; he wanted the judge to think on him with complete favour in the upcoming battle in Washington. He wouldn’t have minded so much if they had anything to talk about, even if she wasn’t his type, but there seemed to be not much more than air between her ears and her eyes were all sparkle without any substance.

“Oh, Mr. Barkley, that was so awful!” she exclaimed as they went to offer their congratulations on a superb performance to the cast. The theatre owner was a friend of Jarrod’s and had given him the front row tickets as well as the invitation to the reception held after the final performance. “Everyone died! And talking to that skull…” She shivered dramatically.

“Maybe next time you should take in a comedy, like ‘The Taming of the Shrew’, rather than a tragedy like ‘Hamlet’,” Jarrod suggested and inwardly groaned at the expression on his companion’s face.

“Really, Jarrod?” she gushed, using his given name this time. “I’d love to attend something with you again.”

Jarrod made a mental note to tell his assistant to let Evie Harkins know he was otherwise occupied if she tried to call.

“Jarrod!”

The lawyer turned to see the theatre owner coming over to them with a tall, sandy haired man in tow. Jarrod’s breath caught a bit as he took in the well-toned physique and recognized him as the principal actor who’d played Hamlet. He also remembered how the man had looked in Hamlet’s tights.

“Miss Harkins, may I introduce William Ralston, owner of the California Theatre? Will, this is Evie Harkins, Percy Harkins’ niece.

“Pleased to meet you,” Will said, taking Evie’s hand in a genteel handshake. “And may I introduce Mr. Liam Swift, the star of our performance tonight? Mr. Swift, this is an old friend of mine, Jarrod Barkley.”

A shiver went up Jarrod’s spine at the appraising look the actor gave him. There was a gleam in those gold-flecked eyes that made the lawyer’s heartbeat quicken.

“Mr. Barkley,” Liam said and his handshake was warm and firm. “Miss Harkins.” Evie giggled when he kissed her hand and she snatched it away in a show of modesty. Liam turned back to Jarrod. “I believe we have a mutual acquaintance, Mr. Barkley. A gentleman by the name of Jack Darby?”

If the tall, handsome actor didn’t have Jarrod’s attention before, he certainly had it then. “I haven’t seen Jack for a long time,” Jarrod said as he tried not to betray his emotions. “Do you know how he is?”

“Oh, once a gambler, always a gambler,” Liam said dismissively. “But from our conversations, I believe you and I have a number of similar interests. If you’d like, we could get together over a late drink and discuss them. I’m staying at the Cosmopolitan.”

Another member of the company signalled to Liam and the smouldering look he shot Jarrod as he moved away made the lawyer weak in the knees. If the actor meant what Jarrod hoped he meant…

Jarrod tried to keep his mind on the conversation as Will introduced them to the rest of the company. Luckily, his companion wasn’t overly observant and Jarrod managed to make polite conversation and gave Evie a quick kiss on the hand when he escorted her home.

The Cosmopolitan Hotel wasn’t far and Jarrod took the walk slowly to try and sort out his feelings. He was a bit surprised that Jack even remembered him after their one encounter and thought enough of him to mention him to another. Jarrod hadn’t truly had a lover since that first time with Jack. His encounters with Josh and his experiences at that non-descript house on the edge of the city could be described as sex, but not more than that. He certainly had never had anything even resembling a close relationship other than the one with his mother and siblings. Even he and Heath’s understanding of one another was on the level of brothers now.

Jarrod really didn’t think there would be anything lasting of any liaison he might have with Liam Swift, assuming that the actor was proposing what Jarrod thought. A little physical release maybe, but there wasn’t much else that two men could conceivably have together. Jarrod sighed sadly. Certainly not on the same level as marriage and a family, and he longed for that sort of closeness.

He reached the hotel and the doorman opened the door for him. Jarrod paused inside and then made his way through the lobby to the bar. He caught sight of a familiar form having a solitary drink at the back.

Jarrod hesitated, suddenly unsure. Just as he was about to turn and walk out, Liam spotted him and with a casual gesture, invited him over.

“Jarrod,” Liam greeted, standing as Jarrod walked up to the table. “Should I order you a drink or shall I procure a bottle for us to take upstairs? Your choice.”

Jarrod’s heart started to pound at the undisguised ardour he saw in the actor’s eyes and he could feel the start of arousal. “Well, if you don’t mind,” Jarrod said, trying to sound more nonchalant than he felt, “why don’t I grab a bottle of whatever you’d like?”

Liam’s eyes roved over his body and Jarrod hoped he liked what he saw. When the other man’s gaze rested on his groin, Jarrod stopped himself from trying to hide his growing erection. “A full-bodied red wine would be my choice, the fuller the better,” he said in a sultry tone. “My room’s 318, I’ll meet you there.”

Jarrod nodded and tore his eyes away from Liam’s retreating form. He took a deep breath to regain his composure and hoped the bulge in his pants wasn’t too noticeable.

“What sort of selection do you have for red wine?” he asked the bartender. The man started telling him and Jarrod stopped him in mid-recitation. “The ‘68 Barkley cabernet,” he ordered and the man went to retrieve it. With the uncorked bottle of wine and two glasses in hand, Jarrod made his way to room 318. He stood outside the door for a moment, took a deep breath and knocked.

Liam answered the door and Jarrod was glad of the air he’d just taken in, since he wasn’t sure how long it would be before he could breathe again. Liam had removed his shirt to expose his bronzed, well-muscled torso. A scattering of gold hairs were strewn across his chest and Jarrod couldn’t help his gaze from travelling down the rippling abs to his navel and from there to the trail of slightly darker hair that led further down.

“Come on in.” The other man’s deep tone broke Jarrod’s concentration and the lawyer stepped inside, trying to hide his embarrassment at being caught staring.

Liam took the bottle and glasses as Jarrod closed and locked the door. He removed the cork and sniffed appreciatively before he filled both glasses. “I’ve heard the Barkley vintage is something to be savoured,” he said as he handed Jarrod a glass and Jarrod could tell he was talking about more than just wine. His hand brushed Jarrod’s deliberately and then he raised his own glass in a toast. “To like-minded men of discerning taste,” he pronounced before drinking and Jarrod followed suit.

“To like-minded men.”

Then the glass was plucked out of his fingers and strong arms pulled him close. Liam’s full lips came down on his, filled with fire and passion and Jarrod responded. He’d never been kissed like that before and he wrapped his own arms around Liam and let his tongue slip into the other man’s mouth, groaning as Liam’s hands reached down and squeezed his ass. Lips nipped and kissed at his neck as Liam slipped his hands around and skilfully unbuttoned Jarrod’s pants. Jarrod ran his hands over the smooth skin of the actor’s back and stumbled slightly when Liam pushed him towards the bed, pulling his pants down at the same time. Deft fingers tugged off his tie and unfastened his shirt to push off the shirt and jacket as Liam’s lips continued their exploration of Jarrod’s chest and stomach and worked their way down to his groin.

Jarrod inhaled sharply as his member was engulfed in Liam’s hot, moist mouth. He’d sucked off more men than he cared to count, but he’d never had the same done to him before. Liam’s lips exerted an exquisite pressure and his tongue traced the rim of the sensitive crown. Jarrod had never felt anything like it. He tried to keep his hips from thrusting, but when Liam opened his throat and took him in all the way, Jarrod gave up any hope of control and his seed exploded down Liam’s throat. He felt the other man swallow around his cock and continue to caress Jarrod with his tongue as the lawyer rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm.

Liam kissed his way back up Jarrod’s chest as he pushed him to lie back on the bed. Jarrod could taste his cum on the other man’s lips as Liam kissed him again hard.

“Scoot back,” Liam whispered in Jarrod’s ear. Jarrod did as he was asked and Liam pulled the lawyer’s boots and pants off the rest of the way. He pulled off his own pants and leaned over top of Jarrod to grab a small bottle from the night table, poured a generous amount of oil into his hand and liberally coated his own manhood. Using the oil left on his fingers, he inserted two into Jarrod’s ass and began to pump slowly. “Why don’t you move onto your stomach?” he requested in a husky voice and Jarrod complied. Liam’s fingers continued to stroke him inside as Jarrod felt him lick, kiss and nibble his way across his buttocks and up his back. Liam’s weight settled on top of him and the fingers left to be replaced with the hard length of the other man’s cock.

“Damn, you feel good,” Liam groaned as he pushed his member in to the hilt. His hands slid across Jarrod’s shoulders and down his arms to grasp his hands in an intimate embrace. He nuzzled Jarrod’s neck as his cock started to hit Jarrod’s prostate with each stroke and Jarrod moaned at the flashes of ecstasy that shot through his body. It wasn’t anything more than lust, but Liam’s caresses as he moved inside gave the lawyer an understanding of why sex was sometimes referred to as making love.

Liam’s thrusting grew harder and faster. He grunted with the force of his exertions and Jarrod felt the burn begin again as his member was rubbed against the bed and gasped in pleasure as semen spewed onto the blanket and smeared across his belly. A few more short, sharp jabs and Liam stiffened and cried out, “Oh, god!” He pushed hard into Jarrod’s ass and gripped his hands tightly, breathing hard into Jarrod’s ear until his body started to relax.

Liam slid out and rolled off, pulling Jarrod close to spoon against him. He continued to hold Jarrod in a warm embrace. “I do hope you can stay for breakfast,” he murmured.

Jarrod nestled closer. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.” He felt complete and no matter what anyone else might say, it felt right to be in another man’s arms.

“Mmmm.” Liam kissed the top of his shoulder gently. “The company doesn’t have to leave for our next engagement for three days. Maybe we could spend them together?”

“I don’t have anything else pressing,” Jarrod replied, wrapping his own arm around the one enfolding him. He twisted to look into warm golden eyes. “I’d enjoy spending as much time with you as you have.” Three days wasn’t very long, but Jarrod found himself determined to make the most of it.

“Then it’s a good thing this hotel has room service,” Liam murmured as he bent his head to kiss Jarrod deeply. Jarrod felt Liam’s organ grow and the stirrings of his own arousal started once again.


	16. Chapter 16

Heath tried not to worry as the train sped through the night. His poised and articulate older brother was a broken man since they’d brought him back from Rimfire. He knew what had happened to the new bride Jarrod brought home with him from Washington and the madness her death had driven him to was filling his brother with grief and guilt. He’d offered to help Jarrod work through it and give him the punishment and comforting he knew helped when the pressures of being the eldest Barkley son became too much. But Jarrod declined his offer with a polite shake of his head. He went to his office early and returned home late. He didn’t really react when he found out Cass Hyatt had been sentenced to life in prison rather than death, he only stated at breakfast the next morning that he had business in San Francisco that would keep him in the city for several days.

But a feeling of dread started to build in Heath’s stomach the moment he saw his brother board the train and when he told Nick at lunch two days later that he was going to San Francisco to check on Jarrod, he knew Nick had the same feelings when the dark rancher didn’t object. Nick had wanted to join him, but with a new stock buyer coming to the ranch, one of them had to stay home.

Heath hired a hack when he got to the city and gave the driver Jarrod’s address. The windows were dark as he walked to the door of the townhouse and he hoped it was because his brother was sleeping, even though something told him that wasn’t so.

The door was unlocked and Heath set his bag in the foyer before closing the door securely behind him. He found a lamp on the hall table, lit it with a match from his pocket and started to check the house. He went through the study, the parlour and the kitchen on the main floor before he went upstairs. As he approached Jarrod’s room, he heard a low moan come from behind the half-open door.

Heath carefully placed the lamp on a small table to the side of the door and knelt down beside the form crumpled on the floor.

“Hey, big brother,” he said softly as he brushed the damp hair off Jarrod’s forehead, “it’s Heath. Let me help you.”

Jarrod opened eyes glazed with pain. “I killed her, Heath,” he mumbled. “I killed her and I almost killed you and Nick. Oh, god, Heath, I’m the one who should be dead.”

Heath put an arm under Jarrod to sit him up. “Let’s get you to the bed, Jarrod.” He had to mostly carry the other man across the room. When he removed Jarrod’s coat, he tried not to cringe at the blood streaking the white shirt. “C’mon, Jarrod, let’s get these clothes off you.” He felt Jarrod flinch as he carefully peeled the shirt from the dried blood of the whip marks and then he did cringe at Jarrod’s bruised scrotum and penis and the blood on Jarrod’s pants when he took those off as well.

“Dammit, Jarrod, why didn’t you let me be the one to take care of you?”

Jarrod started to shiver. Heath grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his brother’s shoulders.

“I don’t deserve your caring,” Jarrod said in a hopeless whisper and Heath saw tears well up in his eyes.

“Yes, you do, Jarrod,” Heath told him firmly as he enfolded his brother in a strong embrace. “Now, I’m gonna run you a hot bath and help you get cleaned up.” Heath quickly went to the bathroom and started to run the water. He went back and hauled Jarrod to his feet. Jarrod didn’t protest; he followed submissively and let Heath help him relieve himself and then into the tub to clean the gashes on his back. Heath hoped Jarrod wasn’t hurt too badly inside; there wasn’t any blood in his urine and there didn’t seem to be any fresh blood on his ass, which was a good sign. He left Jarrod to soak while he went back to his brother’s room and rummaged through his things to find some warm flannel underwear. He just took the pants, knowing Jarrod’s back needed more tending.

After helping him dry off and dress, Heath made Jarrod go back to his room and ordered him to bed. He carefully applied some salve he’d found in the medicine cupboard to his brother’s wounds and bandaged them lightly. Stripping down to his own underwear, he crawled under the covers beside his brother and held him close. “Talk to me, Jarrod,” he said.

Jarrod was quiet for a few minutes and then started to speak. “There’s things you don’t know, Heath. Things that might change your mind about me if you knew them.”

Heath chuckled wryly. “Reckon I know a lot of things about you already, Jarrod. They don’t change any of the respect I have for my big brother.”

“I didn’t love Beth,” Jarrod went on as if he hadn’t even heard Heath, “I didn’t even desire her. I… I like men, Heath, not women. But I was so pleased with myself, winning the fight against the railroad in Washington, and when I met Beth on the train back, she was just so easy to talk to. I thought, maybe if I married her…” He choked back a sob. “…I might be able to have a normal life.”

Heath held Jarrod silently as he took in the revelation. It wasn’t something he had expected. Sure, he’d had his share of men himself, but it was just to slake his lusts and needs. He loved women, the curvier and prettier the better, and never considered his brother was any different. But he had known a few men over the years who shared Jarrod’s preferences and some of them were as tough as hombres as they came.

“I was selfish,” Jarrod went on, his anguish evident in his tone, “and because of that, Beth got in the way of Hyatt’s bullet. If I’d just left her alone, it would be me lying dead instead of that innocent woman.”

“You couldn’t have known, Jarrod,” Heath said finally. “You may not have married Beth for the right reasons, but she obviously wanted you. From what I saw, she was happy, Jarrod, and I know you would’ve done your best to make sure she stayed that way. You ain’t responsible for someone else’s bullet, not when our father was killed and not when Beth was, either.”

He felt Jarrod relax slightly. “Now get some sleep, big brother. We’ll talk more in the morning.” Jarrod didn’t say anything else, but he relaxed further and slowly his breathing evened out to tell the cowboy he was finally getting some much-needed rest. Heath closed his own eyes to get some sleep himself.

*

Jarrod woke as a shaft of sunlight moved across his face. He started to stretch, then stopped as agony lanced through his back. It continued to ache and Jarrod felt an even deeper ache between his legs. He tried to remember exactly what happened before he realized he probably didn’t want to know the details. He’d gone to that house, full of torment and guilt. He remembered the brutal treatment, the pain of the whip and the searing agony of more than one man up his ass. Everything else was foggy and he wasn’t sure how he’d gotten home. He wasn’t even sure what day it was. Jarrod realized he was in his own bed but didn’t know how he’d gotten there until he felt the warm pressure at his back and noticed the clean bandage around his chest.

The conversation with Heath the night before came back to him slowly. He recalled the way his brother cared for him and didn’t let him go even after he’d admitted his deepest secret. Heath had obviously stayed with him through the night and Jarrod was grateful beyond words for the other man’s acceptance of what he was.

Leaving Heath to his slumber, Jarrod slipped out of the bed. Every step sent pain shooting through him, but Jarrod determinedly made it down the stairs to the kitchen. He stoked the fire and put water on to heat for coffee. He sagged against the wall as he waited, not sure if he really wanted to sit.

“Jarrod, you could’ve let me do that.”

Jarrod looked up to see Heath standing in the doorway and gave him a wan smile. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Heath set the cushion he was carrying down on a chair. “Sit. I’ll make some breakfast.” Jarrod obeyed and sank gratefully onto the soft cushion. He wasn’t sure how to start any conversation and was silent as Heath rummaged through the cupboards.

“Boy howdy, Jarrod, you ain’t got much to eat around here, do you?”

Jarrod smiled wryly as Heath set an opened jar of peaches on the table. “Sorry. I haven’t had much time to go shopping.” A box of saltines followed the peaches and Heath sat down after placing plates and cutlery on the table.

“Eat up, big brother. If you feel up to it, I’ll take you out for a real breakfast in a bit.”

Jarrod nibbled on a cracker. “I don’t know what to say, Heath,” he admitted after a long moment of silence.

Heath gave him a warm grin. “You don’t got to say anything. You’re a strong man, Jarrod, and a good one. You’ve worked hard to see your friends and neighbours get a fair shake and from what Nick and Audra have told me, you’ve always taken care of your family.” He reached out and gripped Jarrod’s arm. “I ain’t ever seen anything stronger than the love our family has for one another. Let them take care of you for a change.”

“Do you really think they’d still feel the same way if they found out about me?”

Heath looked at Jarrod closely after the barely audible question and suddenly had a greater understanding into his brother. Nick had told him about Jarrod having to leave home against their father’s wishes to pursue his goal of becoming a lawyer and how much grief that had caused the family. From what Nick said, Jarrod had lost the love and respect of his father by following his own star and Heath realized that Jarrod was afraid of losing the same thing from the rest of his family if they found out his secret. “It might take a while for them to come to terms with it, but yes, Jarrod, I reckon they’d still love you. And I’ll always be proud to call you my brother.”

Heath could see Jarrod was struggling with his emotions and decided to give him some space. “I’m gonna go clean up and then we can go rustle up some decent grub.” He squeezed Jarrod’s shoulder in reassurance and left him alone to think.

Jarrod felt a weight ease inside him. He hadn’t realized how heavy his feelings of shame and guilt had sat on him. He didn’t think he could ever admit his secret to his mother, or to Nick or Audra, but deep in his heart, he knew Heath was right. He didn’t really believe they would turn their backs on him; it was just his own fears that were consuming him. In spite of his father’s attitude, they had always supported him unconditionally and even though they might not understand, Jarrod hoped the bond he had with his family was something that could never be broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another slight canon change. Jarrod marries Beth in the third season, but I moved those events to happen a couple years earlier.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters contain scenes taken straight out of the third season episode ‘Rimfire’, staring the incredible Van Williams alongside the even more incredible Richard Long. I haven’t written in all the scenes from the episode, but I hope you can follow even if you’re not familiar.

Jarrod watched the scenery speed past. It was only an eighteen-hour trip from Stockton to Rimfire, but the jostling of the stage was wearing. He didn’t really want to go back to that town, but he was the lawyer of the family and it was he who could make the best deal with Sidney Glover to merge their two mines. He resolutely turned his thoughts away from what had happened in Rimfire two years ago when he hunted down his wife’s killer. Instead, Jarrod thought back to the more recent past and had to smile.

He’d managed to find a sense of balance in his life since Beth’s murder. Heath’s unconditional support had given him an anchor and instead of dwelling on his failings, he’d concentrated on the blessings in his life. He hadn’t needed to go back to that nameless house or what Heath was willing to do for him as he slowly accepted that he was a man worthy of his family’s love and respect. Gradually, Jarrod regained the self-confidence that had made him strike out on his own in the first place and become one of the most respected attorneys in the state.

Jarrod had even found the opportunity for a few relationships. No long term attachments, but it felt good to be sought out by men who had an acquaintance with Jack or Liam, even if it was only for physical pleasure. It also wasn’t hard to find a partner with a fondness for ropes and leather and Jarrod was able to indulge his taste for being dominated without things going to far.

He’d come to a kind of peace with his desires and preferences and found himself willing, even eager, for a night or two of unrestrained passion. He was always circumspect in his dalliances, however, not wanting word of his attraction to men to get back to his family. The last had been a danseur from a touring Russian ballet troupe and Jarrod was still in awe over the slender man’s strength and flexibility. But he still had a deep regret that he’d never have the true love and bond of a family of his own.

Jarrod tensed when the stage pulled into Rimfire. He didn’t know if anyone would remember the last time he rode into town, gunning for the man who’d shot his wife. That ugliness was something he wished he’d never seen and was more ashamed of that part of himself than he’d ever been for loving men rather than women. But things had changed in Rimfire with the increase in the profitability of silver. The sleepy place he recalled was now a thriving boomtown and Jarrod was hopeful that one incident wouldn’t be remembered.

He hired a hack to take him to Glover House and rapped on the door with the large silver knocker, evidence of where Glover’s wealth had come from. It had been years since he’d been there, the last time to assure Sidney Glover that he was capable of taking over Tom Barkley’s business empire almost six years before.

“Welcome back to Glover House, Mr. Barkley,” the well-dressed black man greeted. Jarrod smiled as he remembered the respect with which Glover’s houseman had treated him in the past.

“Thank you, Charles.”

Charles took Jarrod’s suitcase and followed him into the foyer. “It’s good to see you looking so well. It’s been a long time.”

Jarrod nodded as he handed over his hat and breathed an inward sigh of relief. It didn’t seem as though Charles knew of the events with Hyatt. “Almost six years.” He smiled as he remembered his previous visit. “You know, the last time I came through that door, little Janice was sliding down that banister.”

“She’s quite a young lady now,” Charles commented.

“I bet she is.”

Both men turned as the doors to the library opened. “Jarrod, my boy,” the large grey-haired man greeted, giving Jarrod a warm handshake.

“Hello, Sidney.”

Glover continued shaking Jarrod’s hand vigorously. “How are you? It’s good to see you again.”

Jarrod managed to retrieve his hand from Glover’s clammy grasp. “It’s good to see you. I’ve been looking forward to it.”

Glover turned to his butler. “Charles, would you put Mr. Barkley’s things in the east wing, please?”

“Yes sir.” Charles did as he was bid and Glover clapped Jarrod companionably on the shoulder.

“Come inside, Jarrod,” he invited, leading the lawyer into the library, “I’ve got a bottle of champagne waiting.”

“Good.” Jarrod thought it was a little premature to celebrate, but the other man’s enthusiasm was promising.

“This merger calls for a celebration.” Glover shut the double doors to the library behind him.

“That it does,” Jarrod responded politely. He looked around the well-appointed room as Glover strode over.

“Family well?” Glover asked as he reached to pull the champagne out of the ice bucket.

“They’re fine, just fine, Sidney.”

“Merger papers all in order?”

Jarrod patted his black leather folder. “I’ve got them right in here and ready to be signed.” Jarrod tossed the folder on the table as Glover popped the cork on the champagne. Jarrod picked up a glass and held it out. Glover filled it and then poured one for himself.

“To the merger of Barkley-Glover Silver Mines,” the large man proposed.

“To the merger,” Jarrod echoed politely and both men drank.

A knock was heard on the library door. “Come in,” Glover called. Charles opened the door. “Yes, Charles, what is it?”

“Sheriff Barrett is here to see you, sir,” Charles announced. “He says it’s important.”

“The sheriff?” Glover turned back to Jarrod. “Do you mind, Jarrod?”

“No, no, not at all.” Jarrod was relieved that it was a different man in the office now, not Sheriff Fane who he’d encountered while seeking his revenge against Cass Hyatt.

“All right, Charles, have him come in.”

Yes, sir.” Charles left the room to fetch the sheriff.

“You have a sheriff here now,” Jarrod observed, acting as though he hadn’t been in Rimfire since he’d last stayed at the Glovers’. “Last time I was here, all you had was a miner’s court.”

“Yes,” Glover said, setting down his glass and the champagne bottle. “We hired the first one three years ago and then Sheriff Barrett last year when Zack Fane left. Town’s been growing so fast, we had to get some regular protection, especially for the property owners.”

Hearing footsteps, Jarrod looked to the doorway. He was glad Sidney Glover was turned away when he got his first look at Sheriff Barrett. The man was tall and lean, with dark hair and a confident walk and Jarrod felt his heartbeat quicken.

“Afternoon, Sheriff,” Glover greeted.

“Afternoon, Mr. Glover. Sorry to bother you.” He barely glanced in Jarrod’s direction and the lawyer wasn’t sure if he was glad of that or not. The handsome man’s inattention gave Jarrod the chance to give him a thorough appraisal. The sheriff probably didn’t share his predilections, but there was certainly no harm in looking. Sheriff Barrett was just his type, tall and ruggedly handsome with a sexy drawl that sent shivers down Jarrod’s spine. The lawyer had a sudden urge to run his hands under the other man’s shirt, strip him so they could rub their naked flesh together and suck him until he begged for mercy.

 _Shame on you, Jarrod,_ he chastised himself as he tried to control his rising heat.

“It’s all right,” Glover said affably. “Gives me a chance to thank you for catching those night riders last week. They’ve been getting away with a lot of ore.”

“No thanks necessary,” the sheriff said matter-of-factly.

Glover turned to Jarrod with a smile. “This is Mr. Barkley,” the big man introduced. “Jarrod, Dave Barrett.”

Jarrod kept an impersonal smile on his face as he extended a hand. “Nice to meet you, Sheriff.” He felt a jolt of electricity at the touch of the sheriff’s hand as they shook.

“Same here.” Jarrod couldn’t help but notice the deep blue of the other man’s eyes. “Barkley Mine?” the sheriff asked politely.

“That’s right,” Jarrod answered without betraying his attraction, but wondered if Dave Barrett had held his gaze for a little longer than necessary.

“Well, Sheriff, what can I do for you?” The sheriff looked to Glover at the man’s question and Jarrod experienced an acute feeling of loss.

“It’s about that old mine between your claim and the Barkley diggings,” Barrett said, all business.

“The one those Chinese are working?” At Barrett’s confirmation, Glover asked, “What about it?”

“Two of your men threatened them,” Barrett said, looking steadily at the other man, “told them to get off. They said they were acting under your orders.”

Jarrod saw the sheriff’s blue gaze turn to steel.

“Yes, that’s right,” Glover replied. “We need that old mine.” He turned to Jarrod as he explained and Jarrod suddenly got an uncomfortable feeling. “You see, the Barkleys and I are merging. We’re planning to extend those tunnels and to join our main shafts.”

“You can’t do that,” the sheriff argued hotly. “That mine was abandoned because the ore was low-grade, left open to scavengers.”

“Temporarily, yes,” Glover said confidently, “but now we need it again.”

Jarrod had known it was too early to celebrate.

“The mine belongs to Wong Lo.” This time, there was a hard edge to the soft drawl.

“This must be some kind of joke, Sheriff,” Glover scoffed. “What is the law on that point, Jarrod?”

Jarrod could see the merger dissolving. “Well, most mining laws state that temporarily means fourteen days,” he told his prospective business partner. “After that, the shaft is open to reclaiming by anyone.

Glover looked at him in disbelief. “But my crew dug that tunnel,” he protested.

“Unfortunately, Sidney, that doesn’t have any bearing.” The merger was important, but if what the sheriff said was true, so were the rights of this Wong Lo.

“Wong Lo and his wife have been working that mine for three years,” the sheriff broke in. “Their claim is on the town books. They’ve got a right to stay there.”

Sheriff Barrett’s unswerving defence of the Chinese couple’s claim gave Jarrod a great deal of respect for the lawman. Not many would defend the rights of what most miners thought of as scavengers and even less when the individuals in question were Chinese.

“A right?” Glover yelled. “There wouldn’t be any tunnel if I hadn’t opened it up! And there won’t be any town if those mines shut down!” A large vein started to pulse on Glover’s forehead.

Jarrod remained silent until the sheriff asked in concern, “What do you mean, shut down?”

“You see, Sheriff,” Jarrod explained, “our tunnels are getting so deep that we can’t work them any more without adding extra ventilation.” After Heath’s joining the family, his experiences in mines had spurred the Barkleys to make sure theirs were the safest in the country, a fact of which Jarrod was very proud. It meant less in the way of profits, but there was no profit greater than a man’s life. “We need that old mine for an air shaft so we can continue to use them.”

Sheriff Barrett obviously thought about what he’d been told, but that didn’t change his stance.

“Thos diggings are the biggest in the lode.” Glover’s tone held a hint of desperation. “If they shut down, it’ll bankrupt hundreds of people. There won’t be any Rimfire, don’t you understand!”

“Of course I understand,” Barrett shot back, cutting off the other man. “But you’ll have to find some other way to keep them open. You just can’t take Wong Lo’s claim!”

“You mean you would let this town die for a scavenger?” Glover asked incredulously. “Whose side are you on, Sheriff?”

Barrett’s posture was unyielding. “When it’s night riders, I’m on your side,” he said. “When it’s claim jumping, I’m with Wong Lo.”

“Now wait a minute, Sheriff.” Jarrod didn’t want the darkly handsome lawman to think he would condone claim jumping. “We don’t have any intentions of breaking the law.” He turned to his irate host. “Look, Sidney, as long as this man has a legal claim, why don’t we simply make him an offer and buy him out?”

Glover glowered at the lawyer. “Jarrod, I’m not much for buying what already belongs to me.”

“I can understand that,” Jarrod said evenly, “but legally, there’s no choice.”

Glover continued to glare. “You sure of that?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” The only thing Jarrod wasn’t sure of was if the family needed to go into business with someone like Sidney Glover. As the sheriff had pointed out, there were other ways to get the needed ventilation, just not one as easy and inexpensive.

Glover looked from one man to the other. “All right,” he said with grudging consent, “if it’ll save trouble, go ahead, make him an offer. But if he won’t sell…”

“Well, maybe we won’t have to cross that bridge,” Jarrod said with a placating hand on Glover’s shoulder.

“I hope not, Mr. Barkley,” Barrett added, “ ‘cause if you do, I’ll be in the middle of it.” The sheriff didn’t look too pleased at that prospect as he turned and left the library. Jarrod experienced a fierce longing as he watched him go and wished he had met the dark-haired sheriff under better circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One tiny bit of dialogue, about Glover's daughter, has been left out. I also changed a bit about the history of a sheriff in Rimfire, as the series writers seemed to forget they used the same town only six episodes before this one.


	18. Chapter 18

The judge perused the town books as Jarrod, Sheriff Barrett and Sidney Glover looked on.

“Well, it’s got to be there somewhere, Judge Power,” Jarrod insisted, “we know the claim was registered.”

The judge sat back, flipped over another page and read through the list of names. “Oh, yes, here it is. Lo… Ling?” he said in faint surprise. “I thought you said the name was Wong.”

Barrett spoke up from where he stood leaning against a beam. “That’s his wife. He registered it on Chinese New Year’s. Put it in her name as sort of a gift. Actually, it belongs to both of them.”

Jarrod could hear the frustration in the lawman’s voice. Barrett had a great deal of respect for the hardworking Chinese couple and Jarrod felt a deep regret that the two of them hadn’t been able to talk Wong and his wife into selling the mine that afternoon, even after he’d saved Wong’s life.

“I see.” The judge continued to look over the entry.

“Those books were drawn up by a bunch of miners,” Glover said, “when Rimfire was just a camp.”

“The old miners’ regulations are as valid as the law, Sidney,” Judge Power reminded his long-time friend. “The state recognizes them as such, even now that you’re incorporated as a district.” He turned to Barrett. “I thought you said these people have been working this mine for three years.”

Barrett came over, a puzzled look on his face. “They have.”

The judge turned back to the records. “According to the date here, they didn’t register their claim until six months ago.”

At that moment, Jarrod knew it was all over for the hard-working Chinese couple and wished again Wong Lo had agreed to sell.

“Wong doesn’t know much about our laws, Judge,” the sheriff said in his friend’s defence. “It took him a while to find out about staking claims.”

“Well, that’s your loophole, Sidney,” the judge said. “Under the state Exclusion Act, Asians can’t own property even when it’s registered by local mining laws.” Jarrod could feel Sheriff Barrett’s blue eyes boring into him as the judge continued. “The Act went through last year, a couple of months before this claim was entered.”

“Well, Jarrod,” Sidney said smugly, “that should simplify things.”

Jarrod didn’t answer.

“I’m surprised you didn’t check that date, Mr. Barkley,” the judge went on. “As a lawyer, you should be familiar with these new acts.”

“I am, Judge, thoroughly,” Jarrod replied bitterly. “I lobbied against them.” He thought back to all the lives lost in a war to secure the freedom of all men, only to have the law still persecute on the basis of race and the colour of one’s skin. He ignored the look of disgust on Glover’s face, but the expression of betrayal on Sheriff Barrett’s was harder to bear.

“How soon can we evict them, Nathan?” Glover asked.

“Forty eight hours,” was the reply. “All you have to do is re-register your previous claim.”

Glover took the offered pen and made the appropriate entry in the record book. Jarrod heartily wished he’d never heard of Glover Silver or the town of Rimfire.

“All right, Sheriff,” Glover said as he returned the pen, “notify them.”

“Is that a court order, Judge Power?” Barrett asked, not looking at Glover.

“Yes, Sheriff.”

Barrett glared at Glover, then at Jarrod. “Congratulations, gentlemen.” He put on his hat and left the room.

*

Dave was fuming when he marched out of Glover House. Damn that smug overstuffed turkey anyway! After Wong Lo’s wife told him about being born in San Francisco when he delivered the eviction notice, he’d gotten confirmation to prove to the law’s satisfaction that Ling Han owned the mine by virtue of being an American citizen and Glover still wouldn’t listen! The only saving grace was that it seemed Jarrod Barkley was willing to take his proof and stand up for Wong and Ling’s rights.

Dave got a shivery feeling when he thought of those blue eyes. The handsome lawyer had ignited a longing in him that had gone too long ignored. He had loved his wife; his Mary had been a lovely woman and a good mother. But he had to acknowledge the fact that soft curves and sweet-scented hair weren’t exactly his first choice for warming his bed. He much preferred long, lean muscles and strong hands that could grip him tightly and from what he’d seen of Jarrod, the lawyer’s suave demeanour wasn’t all there was to him. He remembered the strength of Jarrod’s handshake when they were introduced and there had to be a good deal of muscle under that suit for him to have been able to stop that heavy ore cart, saving Dave and Wong Lo from falling down the mine shaft.

A surge of longing went through Dave as he thought of running his hands over that muscle, of Jarrod holding him tight while grinding himself into Dave’s groin. _Stop it, Dave,_ he chided silently, _or you’ll just embarrass yourself._

Instead, he went to Judge Power with the new information and got the eviction notice stayed. Then he walked over to the saloon to find himself some deputies to help guard the mine.

“Ain’t nobody gonna side with scavengers,” was the reply. The men at the bar, all hard workers who were usually keen to earn an extra dollar, seemed to be of the same mind.

Dave looked around the room. “That go for all of you?”

“It does.” The men either turned their backs or walked away and Dave was hard put to conceal his frustration.

“Thanks anyway.” The tall sheriff strode towards the door, only to be stopped by a deep voice.

“Obeying the law doesn’t seem to be too popular around here, Sheriff.” Dave turned to see Jarrod Barkley sitting in the corner, sipping a whiskey. He was leaned back against the wall with one leg propped up on a chair and the sheriff couldn’t think of a more alluring sight. He wished they could have met under different circumstances. In spite of Jarrod’s association with Glover, he was getting the impression that the attorney was a man he could respect as well as lust after.

“I thought all of Mr. Glover’s guests did their drinking in his drawing room, Mr. Barkley,” Dave challenged.

“Seems I’m not Mr. Glover’s guest any more,” the dark haired lawyer replied. “We had a little difference of opinion.”

Dave eyed him carefully. “Oh?”

“Unfortunately, he doesn’t agree with some of my convictions.” He drained his glass.

Dave’s interest was piqued. “Which are?”

Jarrod set down his empty glass slowly. “Similar to yours, apparently.”

Dave couldn’t help wonder what else he and the handsome attorney might have in common. “What about the merger?” he had to ask.

“It’s off too.” Their eyes locked and Jarrod’s piercing blue gaze seemed to bore right into his soul.

But before Dave had a chance to think about it, he heard a yell.

“Pa!” Dave turned to see his son Daniel run into the saloon. “Pa! They’ve got Wong Lo!”

Dave put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Got him? What do you mean?”

“There’s a fight down at the mine,” Daniel said anxiously.

“Go home, Daniel.” It was already starting. Daniel obeyed and Dave turned to look at Jarrod again. He thought about asking for the lawyer’s help, but wasn’t sure what he’d do if it was refused. Steeling himself for whatever was to come, Dave strode out of the room to ride for Wong Lo’s mine.


	19. Chapter 19

Sheriff Barrett turned the key in the lock. “Sorry I have to do this, Wong Lo,” he told the uneasy man in the jail cell, “but it’s partly for your own protection.” It was obvious Wong had killed Pete to protect his wife, but the townsfolk likely wouldn’t agree, so Dave had to put his friend behind bars, even if it was only temporary.

“I understand, Sheriff.” The Chinese man sat wearily on the bunk and Dave tried to reassure him with a smile before heading into the outer room.

Jarrod stood from where he’d been perched on the edge of the desk. “So what now?” They’d managed to hold off Kusack and his cronies and Dave had convinced Ling to stay at the doctor’s after the physician treated her abused back. As well as being a healer, the doctor was a good hand with a rifle and Dave assured Jarrod and Wong Lo she’d be safe.

Jarrod’s eyes met the intense blue gaze of the sheriff and his heart started beating a bit faster. He tried concentrate on Barrett’s plan of wiring the marshal, the sheriff firm in his belief that he could reason with or at least hold off Glover and the townsfolk until the Federal Marshal arrived. _He has a son, was married. It’s not very likely he’s attracted to you,_ Jarrod thought sadly.

 _But you’ve been married, too,_ came the unsolicited thought. Jarrod took a deep breath and tried to focus on the situation they found themselves in, protecting the man the citizens of Rimfire thought of as a scavenger and murderer and the danger that came with it, rather than thoughts of how it would feel to have the gorgeous dark-haired sheriff buried in his ass.

*

Dave couldn’t miss the intensity in Jarrod’s gaze and couldn’t get the image of those deep blue eyes out of his mind as he left the jail to send the telegram. If he didn’t know better, he’d have said the look in those brilliant eyes was one of unadulterated lust and longing, but surely that was wishful thinking on his part. From what he knew of the powerful Barkley family, they were as straight as you could get, the only blot on the family’s reputation the fathering of a bastard son by the long-dead founder. _But money and power can cover a multitude of indiscretions,_ his mind suggested as he wrote out the message for the telegraph operator. _Lord knows looks can be deceiving._ Dave waited until the message was sent, told the operator he’d come back for the reply and then headed back to the jail.

Suddenly, Dave realized he had to know, had to be sure before Jarrod got on the stage that would take him away from Rimfire. He saw Daniel coming down the street towards him. “Hey, Daniel,” he called to his son, pulling some money from his pocket, “why don’t you head over to the café and get us all something to eat? You don’t need to be cooking for me, Wong Lo and Mr. Barkley.” He pressed the money into Daniel’s hand.

“Sure, Pa,” the tow-headed boy said eagerly, “I’ll be back with it as soon as I can.”

Dave smiled. “No rush, boy,” he said, hoping to appeal to his son’s entrepreneurial spirit in case he and Jarrod wanted some time alone. “I’ll tell you what. The telegram from the marshal should be arriving in about a half-hour, that’ll give you time to make some deliveries for the café then pick up the message before you head back.”

A big smile broke over Daniel’s face. “Great!” he said enthusiastically. “Thanks, Pa.”

Dave watched him head down the street before opening the door and heading into the jail. His breath caught as he spotted Jarrod standing by the desk, hand on the butt of his gun in case there was trouble. _Damn, he’s hot._

 

Jarrod looked up as he heard the door open, hand reflexively going to his holster. He felt a relief of one kind when he saw it was Dave Barrett, but the tension of thinking it might be someone after Wong Lo was replaced by tension of a different sort. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake his desire for the man in front of him and he took a deep breath, trying to calm the fire in his belly. “Get a hold of the marshal?” he asked, doing his best to appear nonchalant as Dave removed his hat.

“He should wire back soon,” came the reply, and Jarrod felt the temperature in the room rise as Dave walked closer.

“Good.” Jarrod held his breath as the lawman came up to him, their chests almost touching. His heart stopped when they were face to face and he saw his own desire mirrored in the blue eyes looking back at him.

“Jarrod…” Dave said huskily and reached up to caress the hairs on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Their lips met slowly and then Jarrod couldn’t stand it any longer. He plunged his tongue into Dave’s mouth, Dave’s tongue wrestling with his own. He could feel the heat building between them before they pulled apart, both men gasping for air.

The door opened and Jarrod turned away, trying to compose himself. Never before had anyone’s kiss so inflamed him with desire and his manhood ached with need.

“The café didn’t have any deliveries, so I brought the food straight here,” Daniel announced.

“Thanks, Daniel,” his father told him. Jarrod glanced over at the other man’s calm tone but caught the flash of longing in the look Dave shot back. “Why don’t you fix Wong Lo a plate?”

“Sure, Pa.”

Dave turned back to Jarrod when Daniel left the room. “Guess our timing could use a little work,” he said with a wry grin.

“Couldn’t get any worse,” Jarrod conceded with a rueful grin of his own. “Dave, I…”

Dave cut him off. “Don’t worry about it, Jarrod. I should go see if the marshal’s wired back.” Dave grabbed his hat, then turned to give Jarrod a seductive wink. “Told you that you might change my mind about you.”

Jarrod shook his head, containing a smile as he silently thanked the Barkley luck. Now only if it would hold until after the marshal got there.

*

After the townsfolk dispersed, the doctor pronounced Dave’s wound to be only superficial and everyone was grateful that the confrontation with the citizens of Rimfire had been averted with only minimal bloodshed. Dave invited Jarrod to have dinner with he and Daniel, and spend the night, an invitation the lawyer had no difficulty accepting since he had no intention of staying at Glover House. He also couldn’t help hoping that Dave’s invitation might lead to something more.

Once dinner was done, the dishes cleared away and Daniel safely tucked into bed, Jarrod and Dave finally had some time alone.

“Dave, about earlier…” Jarrod said as he toyed with his drink.

Dave hitched his chair over so they were knee to knee and put a hand on Jarrod’s thigh. “I think you know how I feel about earlier, Jarrod.” He gave a squeeze and Jarrod closed his eyes as Dave’s hand slowly moved higher.

“I guess I do.” Jarrod’s eyes opened and he found Dave leaning forward. Jarrod met him halfway and their lips joined in a soul-searing kiss. Jarrod could feel his flesh rise as Dave’s hand reached his groin, gently massaging his balls beneath the material of his pants, moving up to press on his erection. Jarrod slipped his hand under the collar of Dave’s shirt and pulled him even closer, plundering Dave’s lips with his own.

“Maybe we should move to the other room,” Dave suggested, voice husky with desire.

Jarrod nodded and rose, extending a hand to pull Dave to his feet and into his arms for another fiery kiss. He reached down and grabbed Dave’s ass in both hands and could feel the other man’s erection straining against his. “As long as it’s got a bed,” he breathed into Dave’s ear. Dave just chuckled, grasped Jarrod by the hands and pulled him into the next room.

“The bed,” he stated simply and pushed Jarrod back across the mattress before turning back to lock the door. Kneeling, Dave straddled Jarrod’s legs and unbuttoned his shirt, hands roaming underneath and caressing the smooth skin of Jarrod’s chest. Jarrod bit back a moan as Dave found and pinched his hard nipples, Dave’s hands leaving fire and longing in their wake.

Rimfire’s sheriff leaned down and took Jarrod’s lips with his own as his hands continued their explorations, tongue requesting and receiving access into Jarrod’s mouth. He reached between them and trailed his fingers across the taut belly before unbuttoning Jarrod’s pants, freeing his engorged member to grasp it firmly. “Big,” he murmured, “I like big.” He toyed with Jarrod’s hardness, exploring its length, tracing the edge of the crown before reaching his hand back down to squeeze his balls. “Now, I think these pants are just getting in my way.”

“I could say the same for you,” chuckled Jarrod, his hand rubbing against what he wanted, still concealed by cloth. Both men sat up and removed their boots and the rest of their clothing. Jarrod eyed the well-muscled form in front of him hungrily, his gaze travelling across the hard pecs and down to the dark hair on his navel before resting on Dave’s own impressive manhood.

Taking the initiative, he pushed Dave to sit on the bed and knelt between his legs.

“Let me taste you,” he breathed and Dave obligingly spread his thighs, bracing his hands behind him as he leaned back slightly. Jarrod engulfed Dave’s maleness with his mouth, kissing and sucking the swollen shaft. Dave was on the edge of the bed, his balls hanging and Jarrod grabbed them, rolling the silky orbs in his hand before reaching back and stroking the sensitive skin behind. Jarrod worked Dave in and out, losing himself in the moment. Dave just tasted so good.

“Oh, god,” Dave moaned and he twined the fingers of one hand in Jarrod’s hair, holding him tightly as he pumped into the lawyer’s mouth and hit the back of his throat. “Harder, Jarrod, faster.” Jarrod obliged, swallowing Dave’s full length with abandon. Suddenly, Dave arched up and exploded and Jarrod savoured every drop Dave had to give.

“Damn, that was good,” Dave breathed as Jarrod let the softened member slip from his mouth. He reached down and Jarrod tilted his head as Dave grabbed the back of his neck and drew him in for a long, languorous kiss. “Now I want you in me, Jarrod.”

Jarrod caught his breath. No one had ever asked that of him before. “Dave, I’ve never…” He wasn’t sure what to say.

Dave eyed him curiously. “You’ve never what?” he asked before it dawned on him. “You can’t be serious, can you?”

Jarrod nodded, embarrassed, but Dave just flashed him that dazzling grin. “Reckon there’s a first time for everything.” He scooted back to lie on the bed and cocked an eyebrow at Jarrod. “Well, aren’t you gonna join me?” As Jarrod moved to lie down beside Dave, the sheriff gave him another grin. “Always heard it’s better to give than receive; you’ll have to let me know if it’s true.” Dave closed his eyes, stretched his arms over his head and parted his legs, opening himself up fully for Jarrod’s exploration.

Jarrod took it slow. He kissed Dave’s neck before working his way down his chest. Taking a taut nipple in his mouth, Jarrod sucked gently as his hand moved to caress Dave’s sac. Dave lifted his hips and Jarrod let his hand travel back to tease the tight pucker. He licked and kissed his way down Dave’s belly and was pleased to hear his lover moan.

Jarrod knelt between Dave’s legs. Using some saliva and the fluid already leaking from his cock, Jarrod carefully inserted a finger into Dave’s ass. He’d been hurt enough himself by a partner not taking the time to prepare him, and even though he wanted that at times, he didn’t want to hurt Dave. His finger searched for that spot he knew was there and when he found the hard nub, rubbed across it a couple times and watched Dave writhe in pleasure. He added another finger, and then a third, stretching as he pumped Dave slowly.

“I want you, Jarrod,” Dave groaned. “I want that massive cock of yours inside me.”

Jarrod removed his fingers and grasped his shaft. He smeared the wetness over the tip and pressed it against Dave. He wasn’t sure how hard he would have to push, but Dave solved that dilemma by arching his hips to impale himself on Jarrod’s member.

“Oh, yeah,” he groaned.

Jarrod couldn’t believe how wonderfully tight it was. “Oh, god, Dave,” he muttered.

“Move, Jarrod.”

Jarrod looked up and saw the lust in Dave’s eyes. He pushed forward and savoured every inch of length that went in until his cock was buried completely. As Dave bent his knees and spread his legs wider, Jarrod leaned over top of him and started to thrust.

“That’s it, Jarrod,” Dave encouraged with a moan of pleasure, “oh, is that ever it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jarrod said, “but dammit, Dave, I just want to fuck you until you scream.”

“You won’t get any complaints from me.” Dave reached between them and started to stroke himself as Jarrod picked up the pace and intensity. Every time Jarrod’s huge erection brushed against his prostate, Dave groaned with pleasure and Jarrod’s thrusts grew even harder and faster as his need built and his balls slapped Dave’s ass with every shove.

“So good,” he muttered as Dave pushed back against him. It was so intense, being encased in Dave’s hot tunnel, that Jarrod never wanted the feeling to end. He felt Dave’s muscles start to clench around him, the familiar burn started and then his world exploded in a flash of light as his seed spurted up Dave’s ass, Dave’s climax coming hard on the heels of his own.

Jarrod collapsed across Dave and kissed him gently as his member softened and slid from his lover’s warmth. He finally rolled off and Dave nudged him over, wrapping his arm around Jarrod’s chest and spooning behind him, Jarrod feeling the sticky wetness of Dave’s seed smear across his back.

“You are downright amazing,” Dave whispered in the lawyer’s ear.

“Mmmm,” was Jarrod’s only response as he burrowed back against Dave’s warm chest. Dave chuckled and softly kissed Jarrod’s shoulder.

“I hope this can be more than a one time thing,” the lawman added. “Think you can arrange to get up here on business once in a while?”

Jarrod closed his eyes, basking in the closeness. He felt more complete with Dave than he’d ever felt before. “Oh, I’m sure that won’t be too hard.” He rolled over and looked up at Dave. “The hard part will be getting on that stage tomorrow, knowing I can’t take you with me.”

Dave caressed his cheek and placed a tender kiss on Jarrod’s lips. “It won’t be much easier for me, watching you drive away.”

Jarrod pulled Dave back into his embrace. “Then let’s just make the most of the time we do have,” and they swept each other away in another rush of mind-blowing passion.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the story is fit in between season four episodes and after the end of the series.

Jarrod shivered as another gust of wind blew cold water down his neck. It was just his luck to get caught in a freak rainstorm when he only had another couple miles to go. He hadn’t wanted to wait for the next afternoon to take the stage to Rimfire and the weather looked to be fine, so Jarrod elected to ride Jingo. He had managed to make the trip to Rimfire a few times over the past couple months, ostensibly to check on the work on the new ventilation shafts for the mine, but the truth was, Dave Barrett was never far from his mind.

He pulled his coat tighter around him as Jingo kept up his steady pace, the sorrel unperturbed by the rain. But even though the stage would have been more comfortable, getting to Rimfire sooner was worth the trouble. Up in the distance, Jarrod could see the faint glimmer of lights and a warm glow started to dispel the chill. Dave wasn’t expecting him until tomorrow, but he was hopeful the sheriff would be home.

He took Jingo to the livery when he arrived in town, slung his saddlebags over his shoulder and quickly made his way down the deserted street to the sheriff’s office. The lawyer was covered in mud by the time he reached the door, but once inside, the warmth from the stove started to soak into him.

“Be right with you.” Dave’s voice from the other room sent a pleasant shiver up Jarrod’s spine as he removed his soaked boots and stripped off his sodden coat and hat.

“No rush, Dave, it’s just me,” he called back.

Dave came from the back room, wiping his hands on a towel. “All the more reason to rush then.” He gave Jarrod a seductive grin as he grabbed the saddlebags. “Come on back, I’ve got a pot of hot coffee on the stove that’ll warm you up.”

“Where’s Daniel?’ Jarrod asked as he admired the view from behind while he followed Dave into the kitchen.

Dave slung the saddlebags over the back of a chair. “He went frog hunting over by his friend Tommy’s. With this storm kicking up, he’ll likely spend the night.”

“Is that so?” Jarrod caught the gleam in Dave’s eyes.

“That’s so.” Dave walked up to Jarrod and started unbuttoning his shirt. “Reckon I should get you out of these wet clothes before you come down with something.”

Jarrod closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Dave’s hands across his skin as the other man removed his shirt. Dave’s lips travelled across his chest and down his stomach, then Jarrod inhaled sharply as his manhood was freed from his pants and taken into Dave’s mouth. He groaned with pleasure as Dave sucked him slowly.

Dave worked Jarrod’s pants off the rest of the way as he continued to lavish attention on Jarrod’s cock with his tongue and then he kissed his way back up to Jarrod’s lips. “I think you’d be warmer in the bed,” he breathed. “That’s not to say you’re not damned hot already.”

Jarrod just chuckled as he let Dave take his hands and lead him into the bedroom. Carefully locking the door behind him, Dave quickly shucked off his own clothes and practically threw Jarrod across the bed. His tongue invaded Jarrod’s mouth and Jarrod responded by getting a double handful of Dave’s ass.

“God, I want you,” Dave groaned as he ground his hard shaft into Jarrod’s.

“Take me then,” Jarrod replied huskily, opening and lifting his legs. Dave rose up, grabbed on to one of Jarrod’s outstretched thighs, took his member in the other hand and lined it up with Jarrod’s opening before he paused.

“I should get something to make it easier,” he said, but Jarrod just shook his head.

“Do it now, Dave, I don’t want to wait.”

“But, Jarrod,” Dave protested, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jarrod stared up into his lover’s eyes. “I want you to,” he said with quiet intensity. Dave hesitated another moment and then plunged his cock into Jarrod. Jarrod bit back a cry of pain, but it only served to fuel his arousal. “Harder, Dave,” he whispered as he grabbed his own swollen member and started stroking it roughly. Dave bent his legs nearly double as he leaned over Jarrod to fuck him harder and harder. The burn grew in Jarrod’s ass and groin and he didn’t hold back his cries as his manhood exploded, shooting his seed with enough force to hit Dave’s chest. Dave thrust into him furiously as he reached his own climax and then collapsed across Jarrod. Jarrod was breathing heavily as he tried to come back from the heights of his orgasm.

“Jarrod…”

Jarrod felt Dave’s weight lift off of him and opened his eyes to find Dave staring down at him in concern. His lover leaned over on his side and reached up to smooth the hair off Jarrod’s forehead. “I never had anyone want me to hurt them before. I’m not complaining, mind you, but…”

Jarrod took a deep breath, not sure how he should explain. “Do you want the short or long version?”

Dave lay down and wrapped his arms around Jarrod. “Whatever you want to tell.”

Hesitantly, Jarrod started to tell Dave of how he’d left home against his father’s wishes, about finding out his attraction to men, his experiences in the War and the depths of guilt he’d had to overcome after the death of his father. He softly told Dave what only Heath knew, a thing he had never actually talked about. As he related what he’d let be done to him in that house in San Francisco and how that had left him with a craving for being helpless during rough sex, Dave didn’t pull away, he only held him tighter.

“I don’t envy you what you went through,” Dave said when Jarrod finally grew silent, “but I’m glad it brought you here to me.” He kissed Jarrod softly, and then a wicked gleam came to his eyes. “So you like ropes, do you? I’ll have to see what I can come up with.” Dave kissed him again. “But reckon we should get some sleep first.”

 

Jarrod could still hear the pounding of rain when he woke the next morning. Yawning, he tried to roll over and found he couldn’t.

“You’re a sound sleeper.”

Jarrod realized he was bound hand and foot, spread-eagled across the bed. “Dave…”

He felt feather-light kisses trail down his back to the crease of his buttocks. “Tommy’s pa stopped by on his way to work and said Daniel’s gonna stay the day. Good weather for catching frogs, or so I’m told. And no one’s moving too much in all this rain, not too many folks’ll be needing me.” Then a piece of cloth was forced between Jarrod’s teeth and tied firmly behind his head. “But just in case someone does stop by...”

A shiver of anticipation went up Jarrod’s spine and he felt his manhood start to harden. He didn’t know what Dave had planned, but he was anxious to find out. Then he gasped as his ass was slapped sharply.

“You know you were a bad boy, showing up here a day early.” Jarrod whimpered as Dave’s hand struck him again and again, but as the spanking went on, his arousal only mounted. His ass stung and burned and just when he thought the pain might overwhelm his pleasure, it stopped. “On the other hand,” Dave drawled huskily, “showing up early did mean we had last night and this morning, so I reckon you earned a reward, too.”

The hands that had administered such stinging punishment turned their actions into soft caresses and Jarrod moaned with pleasure. His cock was swelled to bursting, but trussed as he was, he couldn’t move to get any friction and release. He just had to lie there and take was Dave was giving him, but, oh, what bliss that was.

Dave started kissing his way across Jarrod’s back to lick at his tender buttocks. He then felt his cheeks spread apart and Dave’s tongue trailed down until it reached his sensitive pucker. He probed at Jarrod’s ass, moved a little further to nuzzle the base of his balls and Jarrod felt Dave’s nose press against him. Please, he wanted to beg, please fuck me, Dave. Please bury your thick cock in me and make me scream your name. But he couldn’t utter a word through the gag and Dave continued to torment him with pleasure.

Then Dave’s mouth left him and Jarrod gave a strangled cry as Dave finally plunged his cock into the waiting opening. Dave’s hands gripped Jarrod’s shoulders as he slammed into him, hitting his prostate and delivering indescribable jolts of ecstasy. _Oh god, oh god, oh god,_ went though Jarrod’s mind as Dave fucked him ruthlessly and he finally came in an eruption of semen and hedonistic pleasure. He must have blacked out momentarily, because the next thing he knew, Dave had untied him and was spooning behind him with Jarrod wrapped tightly in his arms.

“Did you like that?” Dave whispered in his ear. Jarrod didn’t trust himself to speak and only nodded. “I’m glad.”

Jarrod sighed in contentment and couldn’t stop from drifting back to sleep, secure in the knowledge he would be safe in Dave’s arms.


	21. Chapter 21

Dave collapsed into his chair. It had been a busy night and he was thankful the three drunken men had finally stopped arguing when they passed out. It was convenient to have living quarters behind the jail, but sometimes it didn’t make for a restful sleep.

“Here you go, Pa.”

Dave smiled at his son gratefully as the steaming cup of coffee was placed in front of him. “Thank you, Daniel,” he said and took a sip of the welcome brew.

“Oh, and this just came on the stage for you. It’s from Mr. Barkley.” Daniel handed him a letter. Dave turned it over and recognized the elegant handwriting. He knew the letter would be innocent, but his heartbeat quickened anyway. He opened the envelope and as he started reading, his face broke into a wide smile

“How would you like to live in Stockton, Daniel?” he asked.

Daniel looked at him in trepidation. “You’re not thinking of sending me to that school there again, are you, Pa?” he asked in a worried voice. Dave just laughed and pulled Daniel close.

“You bet I am, but I’m going with you,” he said. “The sheriff there is retiring and I’ve just been offered the job.” He reached up and tousled Daniel’s hair. “They want me to start as soon as possible, so you’d best arrange for someone to handle your firewood deliveries and your frog business while I let the mayor and my deputy know.”

Daniel grinned and headed for the door. Then he turned, his face troubled. “But Pa, if I’m at school all day, how’ll I earn any extra money? And who’ll make sure you’re fed?”

Dave chuckled. “You’re a smart boy, Daniel,” he assured his son. “Maybe you can ask Jarrod. He might be able to help you out. He might even be able to find someone to cook for us sometimes.”

Daniel beamed. “Thanks, Pa,” he said as he left.

Dave sipped his coffee as he re-read the letter. He looked forward to each of Jarrod’s visits and it was growing harder and harder to see the lawyer leave every time. Dave had known he loved other men for a long time, but he never imagined he’d actually fall in love with one. Jarrod got along well with Daniel too; Dave had come in more than a few times during Jarrod’s visits to find them talking points of law dealing with basic human rights. Daniel was a smart boy and Dave could think of worse things than for his son to follow in his lover’s footsteps and pursue a career in law.

Finishing his coffee, Dave stood to go wire his acceptance to Stockton and take care of letting the town know they’d need to find a new sheriff.

*

Jarrod let out a thankful breath as the judge rose and left the courtroom. He accepted the congratulations from his client, but his mind wasn’t really on the handshake. As soon as the other man left, Jarrod took out his watch and silently cursed. The stage would have arrived almost an hour ago and he hadn’t been there to meet it.

He quickly gathered up his papers. He was lucky the case he’d just argued had been straightforward, even though the judge took overly long to reach a decision; his mind wasn’t really on it. Jarrod hadn’t got much sleep the night before with the anticipation of Dave moving to Stockton. In fact, the thought of being able to see the tall, handsome lawman more often had made him uncomfortably hard and he had to bring himself off more than once before he could get any rest.

Jarrod had given up any hope of ever having a family of his own after Beth’s murder, but that was just what Dave and his son Daniel were starting to become to him. Over the past few months, he found himself finding any excuse to visit the town of Rimfire and he had to admit it wasn’t just the sex, even thought that part was incredible. He looked forward to discussing the latest news with Dave and what had been happening in each of their lives. He enjoyed sitting at the kitchen table as he helped Daniel with his schoolwork and talking to the young lad about his various entrepreneurial enterprises.

Jarrod firmly pushed his longings back as he hurried out of the courthouse. Dave and Daniel weren’t his family and could never be. They were just close friends, albeit he and Dave were closer than most, but still just friends nonetheless.

Sure enough, the stage had been and gone. Billy, Stockton’s senior deputy, informed the lawyer that Sheriff Barrett had indeed arrived, had gone to drop off his things and get his son settled in their house before he would return to the sheriff’s office. Jarrod asked Billy to tell the new sheriff he’d stopped by and went across the street to his own office.

Jarrod had given his assistant the rest of the day off, as he hadn’t planned on returning to work. But he didn’t want to intrude on the Barretts’ as they moved in, so he took off his jacket and hat, removed his tie and rolled up his shirt sleeves before he pulled out some contracts he had to finalize in the next week.

He tried hard to concentrate and almost didn’t hear the soft tap on the door. Jarrod looked up to see the rakish grin and dazzling blue eyes of the man who continued to invade his thoughts.

“Didn’t see anyone outside, hope I’m not disturbing you.”

Jarrod’s heart skipped a beat as Dave locked the door behind him and sauntered over to lean against the desk. The lawman removed his hat and set it beside him.

“You’re not disturbing anything, Dave,” Jarrod assured him with a dashing smile of his own. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to meet you when you arrived.” He checked to make sure the drapes were closed before he got up from behind his desk and came around to the front.

Dave stood up and started unbuttoning Jarrod’s shirt. “Billy told me you dropped by. Daniel’s getting the lay of the land, so to speak, and everything seems in hand at the jail so I thought I’d come over for a proper welcome.” Jarrod leaned in and took Dave’s mouth with his as he pulled the other man close.

“I think I can manage something,” he said in a husky voice.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

It didn’t take long before both men were stripped naked, their bodies plastered against each other and hands roaming over backs and buttocks.

“Turn around,” Dave asked and Jarrod did, spreading his legs as he leaned against the desk. Dave reached around and started stroking Jarrod’s firm flesh as he bent down to remove something from his coat pocket. Jarrod felt Dave’s hand rub into the crease of his ass, slicking it up with the oil he’d brought and then felt the sudden push as Dave plunged the head of his cock through Jarrod’s opening.

“Oh, god, Dave,” he groaned and gasped when Dave forced himself all the way in. It had been long enough that neither of them wanted to wait for any further foreplay.

“Not too much?” Dave murmured as his nipped at Jarrod’s shoulders.

“Never,” Jarrod murmured back and pushed back against Dave to make sure he had all of him inside. “Ride me hard.”

Dave continued to manipulate Jarrod’s shaft as he gripped the side of the desk. Using it for leverage, he pounded into Jarrod. His cock hit that pleasure spot in Jarrod’s ass over and over and his strokes grew harder and faster until Jarrod’s body exploded in ecstasy. His knees threatened to collapse, but Dave held him firm as he continued his assault until he too was shuddering in the throes of orgasm. Dave kissed the back of Jarrod’s neck and shoulders and Jarrod leaned into Dave’s chest as hands caressed his belly.

“I love you, you know,” Dave whispered in his ear as his manhood slipped out of Jarrod. Jarrod turned slowly, not sure if he’d heard correctly. But Dave’s eyes were shining at him, full of deep emotion. “Never thought I’d say that to another man, but I do love you.”

Suddenly, the pieces of Jarrod’s life fell into place. The feeling of family he had with the Barretts wasn’t a fantasy, it was real. The law and society would never let them be together in the same way as a man and woman, sharing a life and a home, but that wasn’t what made a relationship. It was the mutual love and understanding that he knew he had finally found with Dave.

“I love you, too,” Jarrod whispered back and leaned into his lover’s embrace. “Except for my family, I never thought I would say that to anyone and truly mean it either.” He looked into Dave’s eyes, leaned over and kissed him softly. “By the way,” he added, breaking the mood a little, “my mother has invited you and Daniel out for dinner tonight, if you’re not too tired from your trip.”

“Introducing me to your family already?” Dave teased as he played with the fine hair on the back of Jarrod’s neck. “I think I’ll take you up on that.” Then he looked over Jarrod’s shoulder and chuckled. “Reckon you have some work to do first, though, counsellor.”

Jarrod followed Dave’s gaze over to the desk and sighed as he saw his semen splattered all over the contract he had been working on. “You’re right,” he said to Dave with a grin and another kiss. “But it was worth it.”

They retrieved their clothes from the floor and got dressed.

“Meet you and Daniel at the livery at five?” Jarrod suggested and Dave agreed.

“Five it is.” He opened the door. “I think I’m gonna like Stockton,” and shot Jarrod another sexy smile that made the lawyer’s knees go weak as he closed the door behind him.


	22. Chapter 22

Dave leaned back from the table in satisfaction. “That was a wonderful meal, Mrs. Barkley.”

The Barkley family matriarch smiled. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, but most of the credit has to go to Silas here.” She beamed at the long-time family retainer.

“And Miss Audra,” Silas added as he continued to pour coffee. “It’s her peach cobbler you’ve just finished.”

Nick grabbed his stomach in mock distress. “I’m not gonna live through the night,” the dark cowboy moaned, then ducked and laughed as Audra tried to swat him with her napkin. Everybody chuckled, including Dave and Daniel.

“It was a mighty fine cobbler, Miss Audra,” Daniel said in sincere appreciation. “I don’t know if I’ve ever tasted better.”

Jarrod took a sip of his coffee. “And that’s quite a compliment, coming from an experienced cook like Daniel,” he said, raising his cup in a salute to his sister and young guest.

Audra beamed at her eldest brother and gave both Daniel and Dave a dazzling smile. “It’s nice that someone appreciates fine cooking,” she said, shooting a dark look at Nick, who just laughed again.

Dave set down his empty coffee cup. “Well, reckon Daniel and I should be heading back to town.” He turned back to Victoria. “Mrs. Barkley, thank you for having us to supper.”

Victoria smiled. “It was our pleasure. After hearing such good things about both you and your son from Jarrod, it was an easy invitation to extend. And you both are always welcome.” She stood, followed by Audra and the men. They all walked out of the dining room to the foyer, where the guests retrieved their hats and Dave hung his gunbelt over his shoulder.

Dave extended his hand to Jarrod’s brothers. “Nick, Heath, it was a pleasure to meet you both. Hope we meet up again soon.”

“Same here,” Nick said as he took Dave’s hand.

Heath followed suit. “You might be meeting up with Nick sooner than you might like,” he added with a serious expression, “given his habit of ending up on the wrong side of a bar fight.”

“Now, Heath,” Nick protested hotly, but everyone else chuckled.

“Good thing your lawyer’s on good terms with the sheriff,” Jarrod said with a wink. “C’mon, Dave, Daniel, I’ll walk you out.”

“So, what do you think of Stockton so far, Daniel?” Jarrod asked as they strolled to the barn.

“It seems like a nice place, sir,” Daniel said with a smile. “Pa and I decided I’m gonna live at the school during the week. It’ll be easier with his work, I can earn some extra money and spend time with Pa when I’m not in school.” Then he turned quickly to Dave. “Pa, I almost forgot. Can I go back and ask Mr. Heath a question? I’ve heard he knows all the best places to go hunting frogs.”

Dave grinned and ruffled his son’s blond hair. “Sure, Daniel. Jarrod and I’ll get the horses saddled.”

Jarrod chuckled as he watched Daniel race back to the house. “Just hope he doesn’t ask Heath for his recipe for bullfrog stew.”

Dave just laughed as they continued on towards the barn. “You’ve got a great family there, Jarrod,” he observed.

Checking to see that there was no one around, Jarrod slipped his arm around Dave’s waist. “They seem to like you too,” the lawyer said with a warm smile.

They reached the shadows of the barn and Dave pulled Jarrod close. “So, do I get a goodnight kiss?”

No one else was in the area, so Jarrod took the opportunity to grab Dave and plant a long, passionate kiss on his lips.

*

Victoria wandered out to the small porch to enjoy a breath of the cool night air. She listened to the sounds of the night birds, the quiet shuffling of the horses in the corral and then her attention was drawn to movement in the shadows by the barn. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw her oldest son wrap his arms around Stockton’s new sheriff and kiss him with an unmistakable fervour. She watched as the kiss was returned with equal enthusiasm, unable to move until she heard the door shut and the men broke apart before Dave’s son ran back over to them. When the three of them went into the barn, Victoria finally regained some composure and withdrew back into the house. She felt slightly guilty for not returning to help clean up after dinner as she quietly went up the stairs to her room, but she wasn’t sure she could face anyone after what she’d just witnessed.

Sitting at her dressing table, Victoria picked up the silver-handled hairbrush that Tom had given her for their twenty-fifth anniversary and started brushing. The long, smooth strokes through her hair and across her scalp were soothing and she slowly shook off her shock.

But there wasn’t as much shock as there should have been. Victoria realized that on some level, she had suspected that of her eldest son. She never had any doubts about the quality of man that Jarrod was; he was always firm in his beliefs and his strength in support of his family never wavered. He might prefer to fight his battles in a courtroom, but it was no secret that he was just as willing as his brothers to use his fists or his gun if the need arose.

But the long rides, picnics and courting that Nick and Heath had done with numerous eligible women were not something she could recall Jarrod doing. He was eagerly sought after as a partner at local dances, but Victoria had to admit he never squired around any of the young ladies who sighed after his charming wit and striking good looks. If he had need of a lady for a social engagement, Jarrod always picked herself or Audra, an old family friend, or someone else who wasn’t interested in anything more than a pleasant evening.

She knew his grief was genuine when Beth had been murdered, but thinking back to when Jarrod had arrived home unexpectedly with a wife in tow, Victoria realized that had shocked her more than seeing him kiss another man.

Victoria set down her brush and picked up the folding frame that held pictures of all her children. She gazed at the strong visage of her eldest and gently ran her fingers across his face.

“I’m sad that I’ll never get to hold your children on my knee,” she whispered, “but I hope you’ve found the happiness that you so deserve. You’ve never done anything but make me proud. I love you, Jarrod, I hope I’ve made sure that you know how much.”


	23. Chapter 23

Dave locked the door to the cellblock behind Jarrod and hung the key on its hook. “Well, reckon that seals it.” He took his gunbelt off the back of the chair and buckled it on.

Jarrod nodded grimly. “I didn’t think Chad was acting alone. He may be a petty bully, but he’d never attack a wagon like that, not without someone else pulling his strings.”

Dave flashed him a quick grin. “He’s just lucky his mama is friends with yours and she managed to get him the best lawyer around.”

Jarrod smiled back, but his expression turned more sombre as Dave unlocked the gun rack and took down a rifle. “You’re not planning to go out there by yourself?’ he challenged.

“Yep. Curly and Lon won’t be back from helping with the prisoner transfer until late tonight and Billy got called to a disturbance just out of town. I don’t want to give Emmett a chance to run.” Dave checked to make sure the rifle was loaded and grabbed an extra box of shells. He moved to relock the chain when Jarrod’s hand on his stopped him.

“Give me one of those too.”

Blue eyes met blue. “Jarrod, you don’t have to do this. It ain’t your job.”

Jarrod gave a small chuckle. “You’re right that it isn’t my job, but I’ve got to do it just the same. I’m not letting you ride in to arrest Emmett Kyles on a capital charge without backup.” He gripped Dave’s arm tightly. “I’m not about to lose you, Dave. Not if I can help it.”

Dave studied him for another moment before pulling out another rifle. “You’re now an acting deputy, counsellor.” Jarrod nodded as he took the rifle and chambered the first round. Then Dave gave him a seductive smile. “You know there isn’t anyone I’d rather have at my back.” He winked and Jarrod chuckled.

“Maybe we’ll have time for that later,” he shot back and Dave gave his ass a squeeze before they left the office.

 

The two men rode up to the Kyles’ farm, an extra horse in tow to bring the wanted man back to town. Broken equipment littered the yard and a mangy dog growled at them while cowering behind a broken fence. Dave shook his head.

“Haven’t had the need to come out here before,” he observed. “All the encounters I’ve had with them have been in town. Is it always like this?”

Jarrod thought back to the last time he’d been there, when the oldest Kyles boy had been charged with murder. “Jake is of the opinion that the less work he does, the freer a man he is.”

Dave snorted. “Reckon he’s the freest man in the Valley then.” He dismounted, handed Jarrod the reins of his horse and those of the extra mount before he pulled out his rifle. “Cover me.”

Jarrod nodded and loosened his pistol from its holster. He kept a sharp eye on the cluttered yard as Dave stepped over the broken step and banged on the front door.

“Emmett Kyles,” he called loudly. “It’s the sheriff. Come out now and we can make this peaceable.”

Leather creaked as Jingo shifted.

Jarrod kept his hand on his gun.

Dave held the rifle ready.

A crow gave a raucous caw and flew off, but neither man moved.

Suddenly, Jarrod heard a rustle in the dry weeds off to the side. He turned to see a figure bolting for the trees. Dropping the reins of Dave’s horse, he pulled his gun as he spurred Jingo after the fleeing man. The eager sorrel caught up quickly and Jarrod vaulted out of the saddle, knocking the other man to the ground. A swift blow to the jaw subdued the fugitive and Jarrod hauled him to his feet.

“You’re under arrest, Emmett,” he informed the unkempt man, “for the murders of Will and Martha Landry.”

Dave was holding his rifle on Jake Kyles and his youngest son as Jarrod dragged Emmett back to the house. “Now we’re taking him in,” the sheriff informed the fuming men, “and you’re gonna stay right here unless you’re wanting to share a cell with him.”

Jarrod grabbed the cuffs off Dave’s saddle and secured Emmett’s wrists before boosting him into the saddle of the extra horse. He kept a firm grip on the reins and a hand on his gun until Dave mounted his horse and tied the reins around his saddlehorn. Then he retrieved Jingo and mounted himself.

“You ain’t getting away with this!” Jake hollered as they rode off. “You ain’t hanging another of my boys, you hear me?!”

The ride to town went smoothly. The only incident was when Dave calmly informed Emmett that he’d gag his prisoner if he kept whining that he didn’t do anything. Emmett was soon secured in a cell across from his erstwhile accomplice and both men breathed a sigh of relief.

“Billy,” Dave told his lead deputy when the young man returned, after informing him of their new guest, “I’m heading out for something to eat. I’ll be at home if you need me.”

“Will do, Sheriff.”

“Coming, Jarrod?” Dave asked.

“If that’s an invitation, I’m happy to accept,” Jarrod said with a wink timed so Billy wouldn’t see. Dave just grinned and the two of them headed to the modest house on the next block.

Since Daniel was off at school, it didn’t take long once they were inside for Dave to lead Jarrod into the bedroom and strip him naked. “Turn around,” the sheriff said in a husky voice and Jarrod complied.

A shiver went up the lawyer’s spine as Dave grabbed his hands and bound them together firmly with a soft rope. They didn’t play that game often, Dave wanting Jarrod inside him as much as Jarrod wanted Dave, but that just made it more intense when they did.

“On your knees,” Dave ordered softly and Jarrod knelt down in front of him. Dave unbuttoned his pants, released his manhood and pushed it towards Jarrod’s face. “Suck it.” Jarrod obediently took the large organ in his mouth. Dave grabbed the back of his head and thrust firmly into Jarrod. Jarrod closed his eyes and let Dave fuck him in the mouth as his own arousal grew. But just when he thought he would taste his lover’s seed, Dave pulled out. He bent down, took Jarrod’s lips with his and his tongue gently played with Jarrod’s. Jarrod leaned into the embrace as Dave caressed the back of his neck and ran his hands over his shoulders before he broke off the kiss to remove off his own clothes. Jarrod watched avidly as Dave revealed his muscular, well-endowed form and the lawyer trembled in anticipation.

Dave manoeuvred Jarrod to the bed and bent him over the mattress. He got down on his own knees behind him and with a quick thrust, buried his cock in Jarrod’s ass. Jarrod gasped at the stab of pain, but that was rapidly overcome by pleasure when Dave reached around to grab his erection and stroked to the rhythm of his thrusts. Jarrod held back his cries as Dave first kissed and then bit him lightly on the shoulder. Their bodies strained against each other, Jarrod pushing back into Dave’s thrusts. He felt the burn of impending release –

“What the devil?!”

The fullness in Jarrod’s ass and Dave’s weight were suddenly gone.

“You goddamn pervert! There’s no way in Hell you’re gonna get away with doing that to my brother!”

Jarrod managed to turn just in time to see Dave fly backwards after a blow from Nick’s fist. “Nick!” he yelled, but Nick didn’t hear him. The tall rancher’s face was a mask of fury as he hauled Dave to his feet and hit him again.

Jarrod struggled against the rope binding his hands, but Dave had tied him too securely. Jarrod managed to get to his feet and charged Nick, knocking him down before he could pummel Dave further.

“Stop it, Nick!” He saw the rage on Nick’s face turn to confusion. Not bothering to try and hide his nakedness, Jarrod glanced back to his lover. “Dave, are you all right?”

Dave picked himself off the floor as he wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. “I’m fine, Jarrod.”

“Jarrod, what the devil is going on?” Nick demanded.

Jarrod shook his head. “Nick, I…” He stopped. He had no idea how to tell his brother.

But comprehension dawned on Nick and his expression became one of shock and revulsion. He got to his feet and backed slowly to the door, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Jarrod, you can’t… I don’t…” Turning, Nick left the room, not bothering to close the door.

Jarrod sat heavily on the bed and Dave sat beside him. The sheriff untied the rope as Jarrod leaned into his lover’s shoulder. “God, Dave, I’m sorry…” he began, but Dave cut him off with a light kiss and a tender caress.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Jarrod,” he said. “I must’ve forgot to lock the door. But reckon it’s better that it was Nick than the leader of the Temperance Union.” He smiled at Jarrod as he tried to lighten the mood.

Jarrod had to grin, however slightly. “I’d better go find him,” he said and picked up his clothes. A heavy dread settled in his stomach as he got dressed. “Do you think you could stand a guest when Nick kicks me off the ranch?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” Dave assured him. “But I don’t reckon it’ll come to that.” Jarrod nodded, unconvinced, and Dave kissed him again. “Just find me if you need me, okay?”

“I will,” Jarrod promised and went to find his brother.


	24. Chapter 24

Nick spurred Coco faster, not caring where he was going. But as hard as he tried to outrun the images, they were burned too deeply in his brain for him to escape.

He’d been furious with his brother after hearing that he went with Sheriff Barrett to arrest Emmett Kyles. Sometimes it seemed that Jarrod didn’t have the sense God gave a gnat, at least in regards to his personal safety. His big brother had a penchant for rushing in where angels feared to tread if it meant helping his family or seeing justice done. Not that any of the Barkleys were any different, but Jarrod tended to take it to the extreme. It was as if he was trying to make up for their father’s disappointment where his path in life was concerned, regardless of how unreasonable that disappointment was.

But when he stormed over to the sheriff’s house to confront Jarrod about his reckless behaviour, what he’d witnessed made him see red. He was certain he’d come across Barrett abusing his brother, committing unspeakable atrocities on someone Nick loved. Jarrod’s reaction contradicted that though, and Nick bolted, unable to accept what he’d discovered about his beloved brother.

Coco stumbled and Nick pulled his faithful mount to a slow stop. He patted the sweat-soaked neck as he dismounted and murmured a soft, “Sorry, fella.” Coco followed willingly as Nick led him to a nearby waterhole after he’d cooled off and gratefully stuck his nose in the water to drink his fill.

The slow walk gave Nick time to think. His mind returned again and again to the vision of Jarrod on his knees, hands tied behind him as Barrett fucked him and nothing he did would banish the memory. So instead, he concentrated on the look on Jarrod’s face, a look that was one of pure pleasure rather than pain or shame. And the way Jarrod had defended his lover… It revolted him, that his brother would let another commit such an act, but at the same time, Nick knew ‘lover’ was an apt description. He’d seen the easy camaraderie between the two men, thought about the amount of time they spent together and realized that Jarrod had been a lot happier and more relaxed since Sheriff Barrett moved to Stockton.

Nick ran a hand through his hair and readjusted his hat as Coco bent his head to nibble at the long grass. Jarrod had been through a lot of trials and heartache, what with their father’s attitude, the fight against the railroad that Jarrod spearheaded after Tom Barkley’s death, his wife being killed…

Why the devil would Jarrod have gotten married if he liked men? It just didn’t make sense in Nick’s book. Not that his brother liking men made sense in the first place. Nick huffed in exasperation and Coco gave him a curious look.

“Not like you’re gonna give me any answers, old friend,” he told the dark horse. He gathered the reins in his hands and was about to mount when he heard hoofbeats. Nick turned to see the familiar form of his younger brother riding up on his favourite bay.

“Hot, ain’t it?” Heath said as he dismounted and let Charger drink.

“Yeah.”

Heath eyed Nick closely. “Boy howdy, what put a burr under your saddle?”

“Nothing,” came the curt reply.

“Uh huh.” Heath didn’t look convinced. “Nothing generally doesn’t have your face looking like a thunderstorm’s about to hit.”

Nick sighed. He wanted to confide in Heath, wanted to get what he’d seen off his chest, but telling someone, even Heath, felt like he’d be betraying Jarrod. The bold rancher wasn’t used to feeling so at a loss.

“I just found out something that I’m not sure I should talk about,” he said finally.

Heath bent down to fill his canteen. “Don’t want you to betray a confidence, Nick.”

“It ain’t that, well, not exactly.” Nick watched as Heath hung the canteen back on his saddlehorn. “It’s about Jarrod,” he blurted out.

Heath nodded and turned around. “Reckon our big brother’s a complex man,” he offered.

“Now that is a fact, Heath,” Nick admitted. He decided to take the bull by the horns. It was Jarrod’s place to tell if he wanted to, but Nick was no good at keeping secrets and knew Heath would get it out of him eventually. “What if I told you Jarrod and Sheriff Barrett are more than just friends?”

Heath regarded Nick carefully for a moment and then a lopsided grin came over his face. “I’d say our sheriff is a lucky man.”

“Now wait a minute.” Nick almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stepped up until he and Heath were nose-to-nose. “Are you telling me you knew about Jarrod’s…” He couldn’t find the words, so just finished, “And you never told me?!”

Heath didn’t flinch. “Wasn’t my secret to tell, Nick. It ain’t the kind of thing a man talks about lightly.”

“But you knew,” Nick accused, jabbing a finger in Heath’s face.

“I found out,” Heath corrected. “Jarrod didn’t tell me because he wanted to. I don’t reckon he told you willingly, either.”

Nick wasn’t done. “And you’re okay with it?” Nick wasn’t sure what to think about his blond brother’s cavalier attitude.

Heath turned to check Charger’s girth. “Jarrod’s a grown man and so is Dave. As long as they’re both agreeable and make each other happy, who am I to pass judgement?” He turned back to Nick. “You can’t tell me you didn’t know that sort of thing goes on.”

“And how do you know?” Nick looked at him suspiciously and Heath just shrugged.

“I’ve done it. Prefer girls, but I’ve been with more than a few men.”

Nick grew silent at the revelation.

“I’m the same man I was at breakfast,” Heath added, “and so’s Jarrod.” He vaulted into the saddle and turned Charger’s head. “His family’s love is Jarrod’s whole life, Nick. Don’t take that away from him.” He urged the bay into a lope and left Nick alone with his thoughts.


	25. Chapter 25

Frustrated, and feeling guilty about being a little relieved, Jarrod headed back to town. Nick was long gone when he left Dave’s and there were too many places on the ranch where his brother could have gone, not to mention the possibility he went back home. Jarrod really didn’t want to have his brother confront him in front of their mother and sister, so he avoided looking there for the moment. Heath knew and accepted his peculiarities, but it was too much to hope for that Nick would encounter their youngest brother or that Heath would be able to make Nick understand. Hell, he didn’t even truly understand himself, but he was who he was and that wasn’t going to change.

Jarrod’s heart cringed at the thought that he might have lost Nick’s love and respect. They’d always been close, even with the years they were apart when he was studying law and when they served in the war. They’d butted heads, even gotten into a few knock-down, drag-out brawls, but there was never any doubt of the fierce love and loyalty they had for each other. That same loyalty had easily been extended to Heath, making the three of them each a part of a stronger whole. From the revulsion on Nick’s face at his discovery, though, it was a whole that Jarrod was sure had now been shattered.

Jarrod left Jingo at the livery. Dave’s grulla was there as well, so Jarrod headed first to the sheriff’s office to see if he could find the other man.

That was when he saw two men striding down the street. As if sensing their intention, other people were giving them a wide berth as they marched towards the jail. Jarrod broke into a run to try to avert the confrontation he knew Jake and Alan Kyles were planning on having with Sheriff Barrett.

The door to the sheriff’s office opened and Jarrod saw Dave turn back to talk to someone. The world slowed as he saw Jake Kyles raise his rifle and take aim at the sheriff’s back. Jarrod was barely even conscious of the scream that ripped from his throat, of pulling his gun and squeezing the trigger he didn’t know how many times. All he saw was the look on Dave’s face as Jake’s bullet ripped into him, his body falling slowly to the sidewalk. Jarrod didn’t even see the elder Kyles’ lifeless body in the dirt of the street, didn’t see the deputy apprehend a stunned Alan as he dropped to his knees at Dave’s side and cradled his lover in his arms.

Blue eyes cracked open. “Jarrod…”

“Shh, Dave, just hang on.” Jarrod did his best to keep his voice even and reassuring as he tried not to think the worst. He heard someone call for the doctor as he saw the spreading pool of blood. “I’m gonna move you a bit and try to stop the bleeding.”

Jarrod quickly stripped off his jacket and Dave moaned when he was rolled gently to his side. Jarrod wadded up the cloth, held it firmly to the bleeding wound and continued to apply pressure as he carefully let Dave’s body roll back. “The doctor’s coming, Dave.”

“Jarrod.” Dave’s voice was a harsh whisper. “If I don’t make it, you take good care of my boy.”

“You’ll be here to do that yourself,” Jarrod insisted firmly, as much to make himself believe it as Dave. Dave just managed a small smile before closing his eyes. Jarrod could still feel the heartbeat under his hands and sent up a fervent prayer. Please...

“Let’s get him to my office.”

Jarrod looked up into the craggy face of the town’s pre-eminent physician.

“You keep that pressure on, Jarrod,” Dr. Merar continued. “You two,” he indicated two men nearby, “help me move him.”

They obediently picked up the sheriff between them and Jarrod continued to hold onto Dave for the short trip, growing more worried as Dave’s breathing became shallower. They set the wounded man on his stomach on the table in the surgery and backed out respectfully.

“Keep holding that,” the doctor instructed. Jarrod did, glad of something to do.

“Hang in there, Dave,” he murmured. “It’s going to be all right.”

Hands scrubbed, Dr. Merar came over and slit Dave’s vest and shirt up the back. “Let go now, Jarrod, and I’ll see what we’ve got.”

It took all of Jarrod’s will to make himself release Dave and he stood back while the doctor performed his exam. He picked up a long metal probe. “If I can get you to hold him…”

Jarrod stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Dave’s shoulders to keep him still while the doctor worked. He held on while Dr. Merar set about removing the bullet, praying that it wouldn’t be the last time he held the man he loved. He heard the sharp ‘clink’ of something hitting a basin and asked, “Doctor?”

“The bullet’s out,” Dr. Merar told him as he packed and bandaged the wound. “I’m just hoping it didn’t hit his lung and there’s always the chance of infection.” He sighed. “He’s also lost a lot of blood. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jarrod nodded and he unconsciously gripped Dave’s hand tightly. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked up into the compassionate eyes.

“Stay with him as long as you want, Jarrod,” Dr. Merar said kindly. “Call me if you need anything.”

Jarrod nodded mutely, unsure of exactly how much the doctor guessed, but not really caring at that moment. All that mattered was Dave, being with him and not letting him go.

*

Nick set his hat on the hall table. He’d tried to distract himself with work, but when he realized he’d counted the same bull three times, he gave up and rode home. He stood still for a moment, debating whether to go upstairs and clean up or pour himself a much-needed drink. Deciding on a bath first, Nick turned to head up the stairs when a voice stopped him.

“Nick? I didn’t realize you were home.”

He turned to see his mother in the doorway. “It’s been a long day,” he told her.

Victoria eyes her son suspiciously. “Is something wrong, Nick?”

Nick just shrugged. He wasn’t good at keeping anything from his mother, but he wasn’t about to tell her he’d seen her oldest son having sex with another man.

“Nicholas…” she said firmly, but was interrupted by Silas coming into the foyer.

“Missus Barkley, Mr. Nick,” he said, “I just got back from town and thought you should know. Sheriff Barrett’s been shot, by Jake Kyles.”

Victoria’s hand flew to her mouth and Nick felt a curious mix of regret, guilt and elation. “Jarrod?” the matriarch asked anxiously. They all had heard the news that Jarrod helped Sheriff Barrett apprehend one of the Kyles boys.

“He killed Jake,” Silas told them. “And no one’s sure if the sheriff’ll make it.”

Nick experienced a wash of relief. He didn’t condone the death of a lawman, but if Barrett was out of the way, maybe Jarrod could get back to a normal life. “Good riddance,” he muttered as Silas went to start preparing lunch.

“Nick,” Victoria chastised. “I have to admit Jake Kyles was not an upstanding citizen, but really.”

“Yeah, him too.” Nick saw his mother look at him sharply.

“Why would you be happy that Dave Barrett was shot?” Victoria asked sternly. “He seems to be a good man and father and Jarrod will be devastated if anything happens to him.”

“Sorry,” Nick grumbled before both of them realized what had been said. Victoria looked a bit awkward as Nick asked, “Mother? Do you know something about Jarrod and Barrett that you should be telling me?”

Victoria shook her head. “Nick, it’s not my place. It’s Jarrod’s life and who he chooses to tell is up to him.”

Nick couldn’t take it any more. “Does everyone in this family know Jarrod’s sleeping with a man but me?!” he exploded.

“Nicholas, keep your voice down!” Victoria reprimanded sharply.

“And you’re okay with the fact that your son is a perverted little catamite?!” Nick regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

Nick’s face stung with the force of his mother’s hand across his cheek and her voice rose to match his. “Nicholas Jonathon Barkley, I will not tolerate that kind of language! Jarrod is my son and I love him unconditionally! I don’t care if he’s sleeping with prostitutes, men or no one at all, I will not hear another word against him, do you understand?! He’s your brother and he’s always been there for you! He has given of himself time and time again and you of all people should know what kind of a man your brother is!” She trembled with emotion and Nick saw the glint of tears in her grey eyes. He took a step forward and enfolded her in his strong arms.

“I’m sorry, Mother, I do what kind of man he is,” Nick assured her softly. He remembered when Jarrod rescued him from that mine all those years ago, and Jarrod’s faith in him when other ranchers thought he was too young to run the vast Barkley spread after their father’s death. He remembered how Jarrod had stood beside him in the firefight with the railroad even though he knew Jarrod had hoped for a legal solution. He remembered how Jarrod steadfastly supported Heath as their father’s son, against those who would deride him for his illegitimacy and even against Nick himself. Other than Heath, there was no one Nick would rather have at his back. He felt a deep shame for his initial attitude and cruel words and he wished he could take them back. After all, what Heath had said was true; both his brothers were the same men who’d sat down to breakfast with him that morning. “I’m proud to have Jarrod as my brother. I just don’t understand.”

“I don’t know if any of us can understand,” she whispered. “But all I want is for my sons to be happy.”

Nick nodded and as he continued to hold her close, he vowed he would do his best to accept Jarrod’s relationship with Dave. “I’m going into town,” he said finally. “I’ll see how things are and let Jarrod know that we all love him and are here for him, no matter what.”


	26. Chapter 26

Jarrod wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there, holding Dave’s hand and counting the rise and fall of each breath. _Please, God, let him live,_ he prayed silently. _I’ll give him up if that’s what it takes. I’ll live the rest of my life alone, just please don’t take him._ Tears started to roll down his cheeks and he quickly controlled them when he heard the anxious voice ask, “Jarrod? Is my pa gonna die?”

Jarrod turned to see Daniel’s grief-stricken face. He carefully tucked Dave’s hand onto the bed and reached out to put his arms around the boy. “I don’t know, Daniel,” he answered truthfully. There was no use pretending; Daniel was smart enough to see through any pretense.

“He’s got to live, he’s just got to!” Tears did fall down Daniel’s face. Jarrod held him tighter. “I love him, he’s all I’ve got.”

“You wouldn’t be alone, Daniel,” Jarrod reassured him. “I know I could never take his place, but…” Jarrod’s voice caught as he remembered that day just last week and how it felt to know that Dave would trust him with his son. He took a deep breath to steady himself and continued, “Your pa had papers drawn up so you’d live with me if anything ever happened to him.” Daniel sniffled and clung to him fiercely. “But you won’t have to. Your pa will be fine and I’ll take care of both of you until he’s back on his feet.” Jarrod gently moved Daniel out of the way, stood and pushed the boy into the chair. “You sit and talk to him. I’ll give you some time alone.”

Daniel nodded and took his father’s hand. Jarrod experienced a brief pang as he thought of the relationship he’d enjoyed with his father when he was Daniel’s age. He knew Daniel was thinking about a career as a lawyer and wondered if Dave would take it amiss when he found out. He hoped he knew the other man well enough to believe that he’d never do what Tom Barkley did to his son.

He quietly left the room and sagged heavily against the wall, looking up when he heard footsteps.

“Jarrod,” Dr. Merar said, “why don’t you go get a bite to eat and change your clothes? I’ll be sure to have someone find you if there’s any change.”

Jarrod looked down, realized he was wearing the same bloodstained shirt and pants from earlier and nodded. “I’ve got extra in my office. I won’t be long.”

The physician gave him a reassuring smile before going in to check on his patient.

Jarrod walked down the street towards his office. He wouldn’t take any longer than necessary; just enough time to change and grab a couple sandwiches for himself and Daniel, as he knew there was no way Dave’s son would be leaving his pa’s side. But he froze when he saw his dark-haired brother stride determinedly across the street. Jarrod braced himself against the expected impact of Nick’s fist.

Nick stopped a few feet from Jarrod and stood uncomfortably, not looking his brother in the eyes. “How is he?”

Jarrod slowly let out the breath he’d been holding. “He’s holding on,” he told Nick cautiously. “Doc says we just have to wait and see. Daniel’s with him now.”

Nick nodded. He adjusted his hat before he met Jarrod’s gaze. “Do you got time to talk?”

Jarrod wasn’t sure what he saw in those hazel eyes, but it wasn’t the disgust and hate he’d feared. He nodded slowly. “I was just on my way to get some clean clothes from my office.” He started walking and Nick kept pace beside him. Neither man said a word as they walked up the steps. Jarrod told his assistant to cancel any appointments for the next couple days and to take the rest of the day off before he ushered Nick into the inner office and closed the door behind them.

Jarrod went to the cabinet and took out the spare shirt and pants he always kept there in case he had to spend the night in town. He tried not to recoil at the sticky feel of Dave’s blood drying on his clothes as he peeled off the pants and shirt and tried not to think of Nick’s eyes on him. He’d never been self-conscious around his brother before but things had changed so he quickly started to pull on the clean clothes.

 

Nick averted his eyes uncomfortably as Jarrod changed. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen his brother in the all-together before; they routinely went bare when they were swimming without their mother or sister around. But that was before. He knew Jarrod was still the same man he’d always known, but knowing and feeling weren’t always the same thing.

“Why, Jarrod?” he finally asked. He looked up to see Jarrod buttoning up his shirt.

“Why what, Nick?” Nick could tell Jarrod was just as uncomfortable. “Why Dave or why men at all?”

Nick let out a deep breath in frustration. “Why any of it? Why Barrett, why men, why your hands were tied… I just don’t understand.”

“And you think I do?” Jarrod paced across the room. “You think I haven’t wished that I could be normal? That I could want what everyone else does, not something that’s…” Jarrod sighed heavily as he shook his head. “That I could enjoy sex like a normal man and maybe have a wife and family of my own?”

“Well, why not?” Nick demanded. “Why can’t you find yourself a good woman and settle down?”

Jarrod whirled to face him. “I tried that, Nick!” he shouted. “All I did was get an innocent woman killed who deserved better!” He slumped down into the chair in front of the desk and buried his head in his hands. “I tried, Nick, but I can’t change who I am. I couldn’t for Father and I can’t for you.” He glanced back up. Nick saw the heartache in Jarrod’s eyes and knew it wasn’t only because Dave was at the doctor’s fighting for his life. He remembered what Heath said, that the love of family was the most important thing in Jarrod’s life and instinctively knew that his brother was afraid he’d lost that love.

“Jarrod, I…” Nick was at an uncharacteristic loss for words, so instead, he walked over to Jarrod, pulled him to his feet and made himself enfold his brother in a firm hug. Jarrod stiffened at first, but eventually relaxed before pulling back to look Nick in the eyes.

“You don’t hate me?” It came out in almost a whisper.

“No, Jarrod, I don’t hate you.” Nick could feel Jarrod start to tremble and pulled him close again, the discomfort he’d felt when they first entered the office melting away. “You’re my brother and I love you. I don’t reckon I’ll ever understand, but there’s no one I’d rather have at my back than you.”

 

Nick didn’t hate him. Jarrod felt a profound sense of relief wash over him as he returned the embrace before moving away to wipe the moisture from his eyes. “Thanks, Nick.”

Nick gave him a friendly cuff on the arm. “Anytime, big brother.”

Jarrod finished buttoning his shirt and was tucking it in when Nick’s next statement caught him off guard. “I said a couple things that I shouldn’t have after I found out, but don’t worry, Heath set me straight and Mother tore a strip off me up one side and down the other.”

An icy hand clenched Jarrod’s stomach and he grabbed the side of the desk as his knees started to buckle. “Mother knows?” he said in a horrified whisper.

Nick stepped up and gripped Jarrod’s arm. “She loves you, Jarrod, she told me so in no uncertain terms. You gotta know that.”

Jarrod nodded. He did know that, but wondered if their relationship would ever be the same. He couldn’t help feel that he’d disappointed her and let her down. Resolutely pushing those feelings away to deal with later, he stood up. Right now, Dave and Daniel were his first priority. “I’ve gotta get back to the doc’s,” he said as he stood upright.

“Why don’t I grab you something from the café and bring it over?” Nick offered. “I’ll get something for the boy too.”

Jarrod smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” As they went into the outer office, Nick stopped Jarrod with a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve always been there for me, Jarrod. If you need me, I’ll be there for you and that’s a fact.”


	27. Chapter 27

Dave had developed a slight fever during the time Jarrod and Daniel were eating their lunch. They took turns bathing the injured man’s brow and back to try and cool him down. Noticing Daniel’s hand start to tremble, Jarrod encouraged him to take a break.

“Why don’t you ask Mrs. Merar if you can help make some soup?” he suggested. “I’m sure your pa will appreciate it when he wakes up.”

Daniel opened his mouth to protest and then nodded. “You’ll find me if anything happens?”

“I promise.”

Jarrod turned back to Dave as Daniel left the room. “I hope you know what a remarkable boy you have there,” he said softly as he stroked the damp hair off Dave’s forehead.

“No more remarkable than mine.”

Jarrod looked up to see Victoria standing in the doorway. His heart constricted tightly and he immediately looked away, fearing disappointment and censure in her eyes in spite of what she’d just said.

Jarrod felt a soft hand on his shoulder as she asked, “How is he?”

“I don’t know.” Jarrod tightly closed his eyes to prevent any tears from leaking out. “He’s still with us, but he hasn’t woken up.”

“He will. He has a lot to live for.”

The love in her tone made Jarrod dare to glance up. There was no hint of the disappointment he feared, only love and pride. It took a moment before he could speak past the lump in his throat. “I never wanted to hurt you, Mother.”

“And you never have, Jarrod.” Victoria gently took his hand and pulled him to his feet to enfold him in her arms. Jarrod rested his head on the top of hers and the tears did flow forth as she reached up and stroked his hair, comforting him like she’d always done when he was a child. The tears washed away the last of the torment and self-doubt and for the first time in a long while, he truly felt at peace with himself. “I’ve always been proud of the man my boy has become,” she continued. “Just because the someone you’ve found to love and love you back isn’t acceptable in our society doesn’t change that. A lot of people felt Heath joining our family wasn’t acceptable either. I’m just happy you’ve found someone worthy of the man you are.”

“I love you,” Jarrod choked out. He drew strength from her embrace as his mother held him until his tears were exhausted. They only broke apart when a low groan was heard from the bed. Jarrod immediately put a restraining hand on Dave’s back to prevent him from trying to move.

“Take it easy,” Jarrod cautioned as he sat and was relieved to see a slice of brilliant blue looking in his direction.

“Who shot me?” Dave asked hoarsely.

“Jake Kyles.”

“Oh.” Dave closed his eyes. “He in jail?”

Jarrod gripped Dave’s hand. “He won’t be bothering anyone else.” He didn’t figure he needed to go into any details right then.

“Good.” Dave’s hand tightened around Jarrod’s. “It hurts,” he whispered.

“I’ll get the doc,” Jarrod told him, but was prevented from rising by his mother’s hand.

“I’ll go, Jarrod, you stay here.”

Jarrod gave her a grateful smile. “Get Daniel too.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Jarrod just relieved that Dave was awake.

Then Dave spoke up softly. “I was afraid it might’ve been Nick.”

Jarrod rubbed the back of Dave’s neck reassuringly. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about there,” he said. “Nick and I talked and I think we’re okay.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Jarrod continued to hold Dave’s hand. He didn’t know what the future would bring, but he was finally confident there would be a future and couldn’t help but look forward to all it might hold.

*

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Jarrod had just returned from seeing Daniel off to school to have Dave grab his arm, pull him onto the bed and plant a lust-filled kiss on his lips. It had been a week of convalescence for the sheriff and Jarrod had spent most of his time helping Daniel take care of him. Dave took Jarrod’s hand and placed it firmly against his groin.

“Does it feel like I’m up for it?” he asked with a devilish gleam in his eyes.

Jarrod took his time exploring the hardness under his fingers. “I suppose it does.” He leaned over and kissed Dave back, making sure he wasn’t resting any of his weight on the other man. Dave started unbuttoning Jarrod’s shirt but immediately dropped his arm back to the bed.

“Reckon I’ll have to let you do most of the work,” he said apologetically and Jarrod just chuckled. He made sure to tuck an extra pillow behind Dave as he reclined on the bed before moving down to take off Dave’s sleeping pants and his own clothing.

“I think I can manage. Tell me if it gets to be too much.” He took his time, trailing his hand up the inside of Dave’s thigh and teasing the soft skin behind his scrotum. Bending his head down, Jarrod ran his tongue over Dave’s balls and made his way up the swelling shaft. The tip of Dave’s cock was just starting to peek out and Jarrod took his foreskin between his lips and sucked on it. Dave groaned as Jarrod pushed his tongue inside to taste the fluid already leaking out and then Jarrod had an idea.

He moved up to lie beside Dave and took his cock in his hand. “Let me try something,” he murmured. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” Jarrod’s member was hard as well and he rubbed it against Dave as though their two cocks were kissing. He pulled on his own foreskin, slowly lengthening it until it not only covered the head of his own penis, but Dave’s as well. The stretching caused all sorts of exhilarating sensations in the sensitive skin and Jarrod started stroking as their two organs were bound together. The juices from both men built up quickly, the rims brushed past each other as they throbbed head-to-head and Jarrod pushed harder and faster until he had Dave practically fucking his cock. Jarrod suddenly felt the hot surge of cum as Dave exploded inside his skin and that, combined with Dave’s moans of pleasure, brought Jarrod over the edge as well. He held Dave tightly inside as he shuddered with the strength of the pleasure and experienced another incredible burst of fluid filling him when Dave came again. It was the longest and most intense orgasm of Jarrod’s life as the stretching sensations and hot cum from both of them made his cock continue to pulse.

The incredible ecstasy finally faded away and both men were left gasping for air. Jarrod pulled away from Dave and was amazed at the amount of semen that leaked out from the skin surrounding his penis.

“Next time you get an idea, I’ll be more than happy to oblige you,” Dave muttered as he caught his breath.

Jarrod pulled Dave close and held him tightly. “God, Dave, what you do to me…”

Dave rested his head on Jarrod’s chest. “I’ll always be here for you. Just like I know you’ll always be here for me.”

Jarrod closed his eyes. If anyone had told him all those years ago that he’d find love with a man like Dave and that he’d keep the love and respect of his family at the same time, Jarrod wouldn’t have believed them. But now, with the body of the man he loved warm against his, he thought of a verse his mother taught him from the Bible long ago. * _’There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.’_ He had the love of his family; the family he grew up with and the family he’d found with Dave and his son. Jarrod no longer had any doubts and sent up a prayer of thanks before drifting off to sleep in his lover’s arms.

 

 

* 1 John 4:18


End file.
